[Apple Blossom]

Hi
Well today is Monday and we get to start over on Monday's, right?
I was doing OK until I went out Fri night and over indulged. Then I felt lousy on Sat and that mentally carried over to Sun and here we are. Already in bad shape because I had a latte and a cookie.
And I had to run an errand this morning so no walk either. I will so my stepping and have a salad for dinner. And some sit ups. I realize that 60 sit ups won't burn off a beer, but yes, it works as punishment. Ouch. No beer for a week at least. I finally got one of these ticker thingys and I want it to move!
Hope everyone elses Monday is going well!
By the way, I don't mind reading about all the horses! They are magnificent creatures. I was a horse girl growing up, although I've never owned one and probably never will, I used to dream about it!

[derrydaughter]

Hi everyone. I'm back again. Still not doing well, but I hope to be back on track a bit more over the next few days. I am totally to blame, I guess? My dad is starting radiation treatments on Thursday and the situation is very much worrying me. He's 82, after all, and bone cancer is very painful. I hope he doesn't suffer greatly, this really isn't fun.
I've been terrible with my eating and I took note, when I got on my own scale (the one that usually weighs 3 pounds less than the ww scale) that it was reading 150 this morning. I plan on going to my ww meeting tomorrow and I'm just plain embarrassed about getting weighed in. But, I hope that doesn't stop me and that I "take the bullet" and maybe the final shock of the added weight will suddenly thrust me back into being on program?
DH's birthday is Thursday, this means cake and we are going to my in-laws this weekend and this means MORE cake and treats. What is a ww gal to do?
Well, first thing is that I need to exercise and do the best I can to stay on track better when it is NOT a birthday and NOT the weekend away, right?
My jeans that were loose feel tight again.
So, help me guys, help me get back on track again.
Linda

[happy2bme]

Linda, now don't go beating yourself up. Ok, so you fell off the wagon - HARD. It HAS been a stressful time for you. Now it's time to turn the tide again. Little baby steps. Can you start by walking with someone - DH, a friend, someone with a sympathetic ear and talk out your worries and frustrations? It would be therapeudic on all counts, believe me.

As for the upcoming cake - apply the 3 bite rule. Have 3 bites of whatever they are serving and just 3 bites. Savor them, make them count but have them and after 3, you are done. If you have to fib a bit, excuse yourself with "I've been having some sensitivity to sugar lately, the cake was delicious but my teeth said no more" and give a bit of a grimace if you need to add some emphasis. And put the plate down and go get some water. Promise yourself that much, ok? And maybe you pass on something you'd grab quick in a crave and instead chose something that is maybe not as quick and tasty but is good for you in the long run. Do this as a mental show of support for your dad who is also having to deal with things he probably would rather not be doing. Many times we'll do for others what we won't do for ourselves. Why??? I couldn't even begin to explain. But if every little sacrifice you make over the next 2 weeks sends some strength his way, you'd stick with it, wouldn't you?

Apple, the way I look at it is 60 sit ups is better than a night with no sit ups at all. And if you can do 60 sit ups every night for 13 days in a row, you've formed a new, healthy habit.

ok, so I have to post now so I can look back one page and check the other posts. Alright, back again. Thumbs up to Tanzie and Red for the food saves and passing up the bad stuff. Raven I hope you would able to do more than just hold it together today. Good luck on the new job too.

Jolly you are right, chocolate won't solve anything and the sugar will make your aches feel worse. Best to take a hot shower / bath and a nice slow walk to stretch out the pains.

I spent all day Saturday out on the lawn planting flowers. And I realized how embarassing it is to be so big and bulky. I can't move well, certainly can't kneel for any length of time and oh boy on Sunday when I woke up - mega pain in the back and the legs. And I've been catching sight of myself in the mirrors in the house or reflections in windows. You know those off guard passings where your eyes don't have a chance to veil over and you can see yourself as you REALLY ARE. Jabba the hutt has taken over my body because that's what I sure feel like. I have this great pool and I don't even know if any of my swimsuits will fit. And I keep saying I will change, I will do something and week after week, month after month, nothing really changes. I found old notes in my purse from measurements taken over the last 18 months from days when I thought I was at my worst and now those same measurements would designate success. So that's what I thought about today. I was tempted many times but I resisted. And I'm going to try very, very hard to do the same tomorrow. Maybe it's skipping that Coke or extra pat of butter. Maybe it's taking a 15 minute walk at lunch or a 30 minute after dinner walk. Maybe it's just getting on the floor and doing those crunches the minute I think about them. And it's alot about drinking that water.

The one positive thing I can say is that as of tomorrow, I have made it one year not smoking. Boy did that year fly even if each and every day I still would love to have a cigarette if I could. I need to remember this - if I can give up cigarettes, I can do anything.

Have a good one tomorrow, make it count...

[Tanzie]

Hey ya Apple-- Good deal on the situps! 60's a good round number, and it's good for ya. To repeat what happy said, even a little excercise is better than none! You do step aerobics? I used to, back in my younger, fitter days. *ahem*

Good to hear from you derry-- You and your family have been in my thoughts. It's okay, if you fell off the wagon. To quote 'Gone With The Wind' "Tomorrow is another day..." So, what if you stumble from time to time-- we all do. Just take a deep breath and pull yourself back up by the bootstraps. You can do it!

And LOL at you and the Jabba The Hutt thing, happy. I know exactly where you are coming from. Except I'm always suprised/horrified/disgusted/dismayed/embarrassed/ect, ect, ect by photos of myself. I absolutely HATE to have my picture taken. :sigh: I'm hoping to change that though.

Anyway, I came out with some pretty good loot last night at the swap. I ended up with a really pretty japanese red maple and a pretty hanging basket.

I've also decided to go back to counting points, which means I've started writing down what goes into my mouth again. I didn't run today, but I alternated walking fast, and walking faster. I did something to my heel yesterday morning and it seems to be deeply bruised. Anyway, I'm giving it the day to recover, and I'll try running again tomorrow.

Ya'll take care!

[Apple Blossom]

Yesterday was not a great eating day, although I did have a salad for dinner. I had a bowl of granola later in the evening. If I could stop the evening munches I would be very pleased. I RESOLVE NOT TO MUNCH TONIGHT!!! One day at a time, right? I did do the stepping and the sit ups and it actually felt really good. The step video I have is pretty old, I think it is one of the first Reebok videos. I purchased it by reading reviews on Amazon and this one was popular.(I've bought some dud videos in the past) I like it because it gets my arms moving. I have never done more than 20 minutes of it either. Maybe some day, but I prefer to exercise outside and actually moving; change of scenery, fresh air. Oh but I'm so out of shape.
See you later!
By the way Derry, we're all behind you! Difficult and emotional circumstances make every thing harder. Be forgiving of yourself and then get back to it!! Try to post everyday, even if it's just to say hi.

[RavenToy]

Happy - I've been going through much of the same thing as you. Knowing what I need to do, wanting to do it, but not. Days, weeks, months go by.

This is what I wrote while I was at work today...

Hey chicks.

Just wanted to write some stuff out while I was thinking about it here at work, but don't feel like posting directly from here. Getting kind of paranoid lately.

Got off work last night and couldn't go to the store because of lack of money. Don't get paid for two weeks, so R is going to have to help out till then. Caved and ordered pizza last night, not because I wanted it, but because it was the only thing deliverable and I was NOT leaving the house again after I'd changed into my comfy clothes. Allergies are hitting and last night was a bad one. Pollen count is entirely too high.

So anyway, have money today (thank you R ) and will be hitting the store tonight. Woke up feeling totally crappy because of the junk I've been eating and lack of water intake. Sick of eating garbage, sick of feeling puny, sick of feeling bloated and tired and ... bleh.

Made sure I brought my oatmeal to work with me today, and I've already started drinking my water again. I may give myself this week just to get used to getting up in the wee hours again, get back to working, then next week start my Couch to 5K again. Today for lunch I'm going to try to find a grocery store and stock up on the lean cuisines, some fruit, yogurt, etc.

So far the job is going really well. I can't remember what I've written - I may rewrite this when I get home. They let me wear my jeans, they don't care about my tat or my piercings, and the hours are great. It's fairly close to home, I just need to find a better route than using the interstate. They seem happy with me so far. I guess I'm feeling the once burned (twice, thrice?) twice shy effect. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. It would be awesome if it paid a little more, but at this point any money is good money.

At least knowing I have some income is helping me mentally. I was seriously reaching the panic point.

So yes, I did buy the healthy food, and yes, I ate the healthy food and honestly, I enjoyed it. Dinner tonight was roast chicken and salad. And I loved it. I am thoroughly sick of fast food, chinese food, pizza, and other assorted crap. Of course I can never get sick of chocolate, but that really isn't my downfall anyway, junk food is.

[redballoon]

Heh Raven, just saw you posted! I know where you were with the panic about money. I have been there many times, with no money that is. Somehow though, I don't know if it's just stupidity or what, but I never panicked. I have been down about it though and the lack of money can weigh on you something horrible.

I think you have to remember that your choices as far as work and things go are about something bigger than what's in front of you right now. I don't know if you do, but don't go comparing yourself to others, which is probably about 95 percent of the people you encounter in your immediate circle. Like me, if I didn't have my riding passion and desire to get good by taking so much first-rate instruction, I would have loads of money. The need to get to the horse, to pay for everything, all these are factors that limit me when it comes to accepting jobs. I refuse to accept something that will sacrifice my dreams. These are not things that can be put on hold and why would I? Like I often say, tomorrow is not promised us.

Don't think of yourself as having been "burned," Rave. It's just life, it's full of hard times. Get through them. Look them in the face, and don't let them beat you down. You are much stronger than anything that life can throw you. You have to believe that and be proud of it.

Derry, you too, I'm all for one to say, don't get down about your recent poor eating etc, take it easy, you have a lot on your plate (good pun but NOT intended!! ) But I'm not one for eternally putting off the things we want to do and, for you, obviously, since it bothers you, one of the things you want desperately to do is to get the body you want. I tend to be too much of a perfectionist but I'm not giving up. Derry, change your diva name to something reminiscent of a pit bull and don't let go! Hang in there with your teeth and shake those bad habits out of your life!!

Others, a big hello! I will try to write more later. Am busy on last-minute work here!

And heh, look guys!! My weight tracker is moving! That's 74.2 kg this morning. Yowza!! I have lost .8 kg and that's like 2 lbs. I have been stuffing myself with fresh vegetables a la McDougall. Bought a big bag of them yesterday and was crunching celery as I walked home. Giant salad at lunch, dinner was a colorful array of fresh vegetables again over whole-wheat pasta. This is going to be one of my mainstays. My indulgence was fresh pineapple with plain (unsweetened) yogurt over it. Since McDougall is all about only eating veggies and grains, I feel like it is a major indulgence when I have a bit of bread or dairy. I've been thinking about what they say in that to change your body you have three choices; 1) cut WAY down on food, 2) exercise like a nut or 3) CHANGE what you eat. Well, I'm going for the third one, which I have done before. It is hard but it really works and I have tons of energy and my skin is starting to glow again! Check out the McDougall site. It's full of recipes. Of course, since I'm a vegetarian and often vegan, it's a lot easier for me, but still, you might want to give it a try.

[jollygirl]

Hey all. Feeling seriously low tonight. I guess "unfulfilled" is the right word. I know I have many, many blessings to count. I just look at my life and think "is this it?" I am 34 years old. Single, with no relief in sight. I like my job, but am seriously bored, and it is really looking like that is not going to change like I hoped. I am not doing anything to change my health/looks/etc. I have had a life long goal of showing horses, and that is just not getting there. I keep sabotaging my efforts whenever I get close. I feel like a failure. Why??? I don't even know what I want anymore. I just hate how much of a misfit I feel right now.

Sorry for not replying to everyone. Add self centeredness to my crimes.

[redballoon]

jollygirl!! What is it with you today?!?! Come on now, get off the floor. What you doing down there, anyhow?! Let's see, from what I've been reading, I don't see a failure. I see someone who has been doing great things to bring about change, to put discipline into her life and who HAS done just that! Well, now, 34 years is just not going to crack it with me, young chick. I'll be 46 this August and I don't feel old (except when I hang out too much with the guys at work who tend to be around 28! ) And if things are not "looking like they'll change" then how about changing them yourself? I mean, really, who are you waiting for to change them for you? I don't know, you ARE doing something to change your look and if you sabotage what you are doing when you get close, then perhaps it's just because you're afraid of change. Nothing unusual there. Most people are and don't even know it, and they NEVER make any attempt to change. They never get close enough to sabotage things. You are getting close, over and over again, so you're still WAY ahead of the game. And look, if you do have other goals with, say, horses and such, then start working toward them. I DO know the feeling of "unfulfilled" but damn, jolly, use that feeling to light that fire in your gut! How can you like your job and yet be seriously bored. Don't confuse "liking" with "coasting." If your job is a means to an end and you can't find an alternative, that's one thing, but it doesn't mean you have to like it. I HATE, absolutely HATE proofreading and editing and rewriting and translating. It sucks, BUT I do it for the money, which is for the horse, which is part of my passion! I tell people I hate the work and they think I should "do something I love. . ." yeah, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah. You can't always DO what you love 100 percent. I am doing what I love and in order to get the money for that I have to do some things I hate. At least I'm not selling my body, but, really, what if I were, might be fun. . . I recognize that this is not ideal. Hard work and sacrificing for dreams is NOT fun. No way, that's what the word sacrifice entails.

So, come on, jolly, if you are bored, unfulfilled, shake the tail in that direction. But DON'T call yourself a failure, not after doing all the things I've read in your posts. PLEASE, if you call that a failure, then we are doomed!!

[sweetnsassyfied]

alrighty thats it..... coming out of lurk mode for a moment here. hello ladies ..... cant hide behind this screen when there are two of you hurting so badly. two that mean so very much to me.

Raven, Jolly, Cachee, Happy, Red, Lucky (where ever you are i know your still popping in here too), Derry ( glad your still here as well )

Apple, Tanzie its been a pleasure getting to know you both as well. sorry i havent reciprocated the pleasure of you getting to know me....... i'm quite the kick in the head!

~ excellent segway ~

speaking of kicks... and dusts off Ravens ~winks n grinz~ i'm keeping the thigh highs babes.......

what is going on here trashing yourselves like that??!! beating yourselves up??!! there are enough people out there in this world who would leap at the chance to berate and hurt us like that. You dont have to be one of them!! if there are two more tenacious women then you two...... i havent met them yet! you two have been thru some seriously rough stuffs.

Raven would you sit back and allow V to feel this way? Jolly, your best friend? No Way!! nuture yourselves. be as good, kind, and loving to you as you would be to them. we all know the old saying "the buck stops here" well it starts here too. it starts with you, from within. your way to hard on yourselves.

Ladies you are cared about, loved by so many online and offline. its time you started to care for and love yourself. i challenge you for the next 10 days to find the good. your going to have to look for it! but its there, i swear its there!! everyday post at least 1 good thing you could find. look for the little things, start small.

for instance its a hectic busy day, your in a hurry, deadlines due, a million things are running thru your mind.... you race towards that intersection light, your dreading it..... its the one that is always Red no matter what time you get to it..... today its Green, you get ride on thru. you then get to smile and say a silent thanks.

or

your out, your thoughts are wallowing. your feeling lonely..... a stranger catches your eye and smiles letting you know you are not alone in this Universe. you return the smile. you know that just for that moment you recieved a sign .... that yes you can be lonely but you are not alone.

your on your Norditrack your tired, you feel beat, listless. but you set a time and by golly your determined to do it. its just that derned clock is moving so slow. (is it moving?) minutes feel like hours, will it ever end...... your gripping the bars, you know you shouldnt but you are, legs are like lead. and just as that timer is about to go off, you adrenalin lifts, your spirits are getting high... its almost over! You use that burst and go for the extra minute! why because you can! because you overcame the worst of it. because its a little thing that will make you feel good about yourself!

dont do this for me. do it for You! do it for everyone who cares about you! for those who want to see you suceed. who need to see you alive again and relishing in that fact!! i believe in you its time you did too!

~kicking her soap box to the curb. she turns to give a few kudo's to the rest of you~

Happy i am thrilled your life has turned out so well. that you are enjoying your new job and city! Congrats on the year anni of being smoke free! now get in that pool!!

Derry sending you strength and peace doll. i am sorry your going thru so much all at one time.

Red you rock babes!!

Cachee you will always be my Queen!

Lucky a hello would be nice. if i can do it you can do it....~winks n grinz~

okies enough........ this windy wordy wenchlette has done did it again! ~laughing~

sincerely,
sassy

[happy2bme]

Sassy!!!!! So great to hear from you again. No more lurking, 'k????

[happy2bme]

I know this sounds cheesy to the max but really I have found that attitude is everything. Lately I'm not thrilled with the job but... as Red said - it's pays the bills and gets me the other things in life that are important to me. And I realized that if I pout it doesn't change things a bit - just makes me dawdle more in the morning which makes me have a fight with the hubby about being late and ruins my day. It makes the day soooo long and boring if I just stare at the 4 grey cubicle walls. So the last few days I have tried to really make an effort to accept that there are trade offs in life. I have a job and it pays the bills. I go in and my first effort is to get through the morning and to lunch time. At lunch I go outside, smell the wonderful fresh air and I take a walk around the complex. We have gorgeous flowering bushes and they are past peak bloom so it won't be long before the color is gone and everything is hot and green and tropical around here so I'm trying to enjoy them while they last.
I could eat something bad for me that will only taste good for about 10 seconds and will give me acid reflux for hours on end or I can stick with what I packed for lunch and feel virtuous. That candy I look at in the machine never really tastes as good as I think it will anymore. And I come home from work and we've been taking a walk around the neighborhood before dinner. It makes dinner later but then I have to plan lighter meals which isn't that bad. At least this is the plan until I can drag myself out of bed at 5am for early morning exercise.

So that's my plan. Oh and chugging water every time I think about it. Am I Richard Simmon's enthused about this? Heck no, do you think I'm nuts But I had to accept that keeping a crappy attitude was getting me no where and just keeping me bummed out. So I'm trying something different. Nothing drastic, just little changes. Now if I could manage to get to bed by 11pm instead of past midnight lately...

[redballoon]

Yeah, sass, what's with the lurking anyhow!? Or did you just sense something was up with rave, jolly and derry and come looking? So, how are the Austrians reacting to the selection of Ratzinger as pope? Makes me homesick for Munich hearing all the news, seeing the Frauenkirche and all in Munich. Gotta take a visit back there soon. You get there at all, sass?

[redballoon]

Good post, happy! "Richard Simmons' enthused?!?!" I like that! Then again, I don't think he's REALLY that enthused about anything he does, it's just an act. We could do it too though and pretend we're having fun, well, I mean, make it obvious we're acting. You know, like choo choo trains and airplanes to get kids to eat! We could pretend we're kind of wacko for celery sticks or wild for vegetable juice. We SHOULD be, considering these are the things that treat us well, but. . .you know. . .

Good luck, happy, I like the sound of your attitude changes. The walking sounds good, the lighter meals. . . it must be hard having to cook for others. . keep up the good work!

[redballoon]

OH, and yes, happy, I forgot, haven't been able to read all the posts and respond to them lately, but CONGRATULATIONS on the no smoking!! That is stupendous and much more important than the weight at this point. Give yourself a whack on the back for a major move and don't give any extra weight or the lack of a loss a second thought. You have done a far more important thing for yourself by stopping smoking!!! BRAVO to you!!!