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Sanctuary - #13 Everyone Welcome

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Old 03-08-2005, 09:53 PM   #1
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Smile Sanctuary - #13 Everyone Welcome



What we really want in a weight loss support group, boils down to one concept; we are looking for a sanctuary.

Sanctuary means different things to different people. Sanctuary is a place of peace, rest, safety, and rejuvenation. It keeps our spirit and our sanity intact.

Many of us who have a long journey down the weight loss path find ourselves in need of a break. Sometimes our bodies crave it, and sometimes the choice isn't ours, but circumstances forces it upon us. Other times, we need the clamoring throng to cheer us along our way as we breeze past milestones and overcome obstacles.

Sanctuary can be all that as well. It is what you need and when you need it. Sanctuary can be found in good friends who aren’t afraid of your truths and in an open, honest atmosphere.

Sanctuary isn’t judgmental, neither does it discriminate or ask to be censured. It is open to anyone with a desire to share, and especially those in need of and willing to offer support
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Old 03-08-2005, 10:21 PM   #2
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Thumbs up To talk or not to talk

I know you are all just waiting for my opinion on the talking!!! I was in an aerobics class once where these to people talked all the time. They were friends and used this time to "catch up". It was very distracting because you couldn't hear the instructors instructions. Our instructor made it clear, nicely, that they had to respect everyone else there also. I think in a class that the instructor has to keep control. There were two others there, a Mom and daughter, who made comments periodically and no one cared. Done (I only wrote this so I could this smiley!!)

Kat: Great loss.

Skitt: Great to see your post. What is G.I. Diet? I want the "someone cooks for me" diet!!!

Cheryll: I love the chocolate graham crackers but I want to eat more than I should. But then, I suppose it's better to eat too much of them than other chocolate.

Tricia:
Quote:
I find myself wondering how it is possible for the rate of obesity to have such a high percentage - where are all those people?
I wonder that too because it doesn't seem true in MY world.

Quote:
I know I've let my weight hold me back in a lot of areas. I guess that is part of my motivation - I'm tired of missing out and being limited by my size.
I know I use my fat as protection but have let it get to the point where I miss out on life too.

Quote:
. And I don't care what emotional, mental, or phyiscal problems I've got I am still the ONLY person who controls what goes into my mouth or whether or not I exercise.
I LOVE controlling things so why I haven't done better at it with food and exercise Maybe it's like you said before it's a way to punish myself.

Anyway, keep sharing your rants - as you can tell by my constant quotes they are hitting home with me.

Andria, good for you and ya know we are here!!!!

Well, I need to get ready for tomorrow.

Night,
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Old 03-08-2005, 11:44 PM   #3
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You know how we are bombarded with images of "perfect" women? Of course, we all KNOW how touched up these magazine photos are but we, or at least I, still find myself feeling less than adequate when I look at them.

Well, I came across this website and thought it was interesting. It was put up by a guy whose job it is to actually retouch or photoshop the pictures. Two in particular are of models. Now, even in the unretouched photos they are very attractive women with better than average physiques. But they aren't nearly as close to perfect as one might think - not any closer than some of the more attractive women I know in real life anyway.

So, like I said, I know pictures of women in magazines are too good to be true but this site helped me be decidedly unaffected by them. Thought you all might be entertained by it as well.

http://homepage.mac.com/gapodaca/digital/digital.html



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Old 03-09-2005, 12:28 AM   #4
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Okay, i guess its my turn to get up on that soap box. I know why i over eat. It all comes down to my childhood. The only memories i have of my dad are not very pleasant ones. The abuse my sisters and brother endured was not a physical one, but verbal. I can remember one time when i was about 13 and my body was starting to change. I was very shy and for me, the weight came first before i grew tall. I hope you know what i mean. Anyway, my father made it a point to find out just how much i weighed. He would ask me when we were visiting friends, in front of my friends or just about anywhere when we were in public. I can still here his voice in my head. One day i was sick of him asking me, so i told him. 150 pounds at age 13. He told everyone. I felt embarrassed and helpless. This man was my father and yet he made me feel stupid and worthless. Well, that day i took control of one thing, my food. Instead of not eating, i started eating anything and everything. The way i looked at it back then was, if my dad wanted this thin perfect daughter, then that is the one thing i was not going to be. It was my way of hurting him the way he hurt me all my childhood. Of corse now that I'm a grown woman, i can see that i was hurting myself more than i was hurting him. To this day, I have to remind myself that i am worth all the work and effort i put into getting myself in shape.

When i turned 18 i moved out and never looked back. It wasn't till my dad died about 3 years ago that i started talking to my mom again. All those years wasted. I try not to think or talk about my childhood. To depresseing. I know the scares are still there, and when i think of him all i want to do is reach for that bag of potato chips. So i push those memories so far down that no one will ever see the scares and the pain and i do that with food. Ever so often, one comes to the surface and that is when i start eating and cant stop.
I have a picture of my mom, brother and sisters that was taken in the hospital about an hour after my dad died. There we are, smiling happy faces. How sad.

Well its late and i must get some sleep. Thanks for listening.
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Old 03-09-2005, 12:36 AM   #5
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jawsmom, just popped onto your thread and saw the link to the retouching site. Great stuff. It was entertaining. I especially liked the way he took the belly off the black guy!
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Old 03-09-2005, 01:13 AM   #6
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Hi, everyone. I used to be a regular at 3FC, but I've not been on in a long time.

It was really nice to come here and read what everyone's said on their soap box. After seeing the site that jawsmom shared with us, I don't feel like I have to meet certain standards as bad as I did. I'll post that link on my journal.

My husband recently told me he wanted me to look like Lindsay Lohan. Hah, I'll jump right on that. I hate feeling like I have to meet someone's standard, and up until recently, I was always really concerned with what people thought of me. My first boyfriend told me he wanted to get me 'the ultimate hourglass figure'... Okay, so he wanted me to be Catherine Zeta-Jones? It seems like my whole life, I've been striving to be what someone else wanted me to be.

I caught my husband cheating on me two months ago with a girl who is tiny compared to me. She's big into sports and she's pretty, and blah blah blah. It was about two weeks before that that he told me he wanted me to look like Lindsay Lohan. I've never been thin. He met me right after I turned 18 and I weighed 206 pounds. I weigh less now than I did then, and he married me when I was at 215. I'm not entirely sure where his sudden fascination with skinny women came from, but I've decided that I really don't care what he thinks of me anymore. What really matters is what I think of myself, so I'm going to work really hard for me.

I got teased a lot in high school for wearing green shirts because I looked like a planet, or for having my own gravitational pull. People can be so ridiculously cruel. I seriously can't think of a time I've been happy in my own skin. When the 'you're fat' comments started really bad, I was twelve-years-old. The only thing I really remember from that time in my life was a tall, slender girl named Porcha who would tease me about my weight on a daily basis. I was 13 when the planet jokes started, 14 when my boyfriend said I should have 'the ultimate hour glass figure', 15 when my best friend told me I was disgusting, 16 when my uncle told me I was nasty because I weighed 20 pounds more than he did and was half his age and a foot shorter, and 17 when I really did get fat. I didn't become obsessed with my weight until I was about 18. I started taking diet pills and it got pretty ugly. I've been on the Atkins diet, I've been on diet pills, I've been bulimic, I've been anorexic, and all because other people hated the way I look. I hated it, too, but I was never really doing it for myself.

I've been down this road so many times for the wrong reason. Deep down, it's always really been about someone else, but I want it to be about me this time. I want to be able to say I'm perfectly healthy, and I want to live an active life. I want to go out and play ball with my friends, and I want to be able to run, and all the great things that come with being fit.

My diatribe is done!
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Old 03-09-2005, 01:47 AM   #7
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michi, heh there. I just was surfing the threads, dropped in here and then here you are! Remember, from the 21-day challenge, wasn't it? Wow, sorry to hear you're having such a time with the husband. Are you staying with him after he cheated on you? I'd dump him for sure! Really do something for YOU. Well, I already am a regular on three other threads, don't know if I should join this one. Just wanted to say hi and good to hear from you. Best of luck. More power to you michi!
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Old 03-09-2005, 08:23 AM   #8
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Gloria: Hi sweetie, I just read your post and it brings tears to my eyes. I guess I can relate because I had a similar situation but with my mom. Not physical abuse but mental. I have to get busy and head to work, but when I get a chance sometime today I want to send you a private message. You are not weak but a very strong person to endure your childhood and still be here. You are strong, worthy of being your best. Anyway, gotta go but will catch ya later. Sniff, sniff. Cheryll
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Old 03-09-2005, 11:04 AM   #9
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Gloria and Cheryll, bless you both. I have to say that I grew up with two incredible, loving parents. But, my mom grew up with a verbally and physically abusive father. She was the oldest and grew up trying to protect and take care of everyone else. To this day she can't stop trying to solve everyone else's problems and sees shortcomings in herself that just aren't there. Of course, she grew up in a time that the wife in that situation didn't have many options. It wasn't like my grandmother could walk out, get a job, and take care of her three children. And society certainly turned a blind eye - my gradfather, till the day he died, was one of the most loved and respected men in their community. Anyway, my mom also married at 17 or 18 probably as much as an escape as for love. I know how fortunate that my sister and I are that our parent's marriage has not only survived but flouished. From the time she married my mom set out to prove her dad wrong. Not just in the lifestyle that she led but in the way she raised her children. Well, she says she was doing it to prove him long. Personally, I think she was still just striving to please him and make him proud. Today she battles alcoholism. Now this is a women that I never saw so much as have a glass of wine with dinner until well after I had graduated college. Which, by the way, was never an option for my sister or I. My mother made very clear that we WOULD be well educated because she wanted us to be able to "escape" and take care of ourselves if we ever had to. I guess my point is, that a person has to face these demons at some point. You can only bury them for so long. In my mothers case, she was able to bury them for as long as she had to in order to take care of her family. But as soon as we were grown and on our own she didn't have important enough to focus on and, sure enough, here come all of those feelings and emotions. And I have to say, it is so frustrating for my sister and I. We want her to see herself the way WE see her but she isn't going to get there without some professional help. And she says she's too old for that. We feel so helpless and, quite frankly, angry. I feel like we'll work it all out as a family but it is so very tiring in the meantime.

Michi, I am sorry you are facing such difficult issues in your marriage. Just remember that you can't control other people - only yourself. So figure out what YOU know is right and then bite the bullet and do it. As hard as it is to do we all have to put ourselves first sometimes and this is definately your time. And make no mistake, your husband is living in a fantasy world. Lindsey Lohan is BELOW AVERAGE in the looks department. Have him google for some pictures of her without make up and lighting. I know a TON of girls much, much prettier than her. Does she have a great body? Well sure she does - she BOUGHT it. Let us not forget that she has record and production companies shelling out a lot of money to market her in such a way that will sell CDs and movie tickets.

One of the best quotes I EVER heard from a celebrity was by Cindy Crawford who said, "Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford!"

As for this super skinner trend we see, well, I think a good friend of mine said it best, "I don't want to date or marry a woman as skinny as that - it would be like humping a bag of elbows. Those girls need to eat a sammich."

And, let me ask you this. Does your husband look anything like Brad Pitt? Jude Law? George Clooney? I didn't think so. His issues with you and/or your looks are just that. HIS ISSUES. I have yet to meet a person who treats other people with so little respect because they feel good about themselves. None of his actions are a reflection on you - they just show how little he thinks of himself. Degrading other people is just a means to an end - it's the easiest way to make yourself seem better by comparison. But it doesn't work. Everyone but him sees it for what it is. And I bet he's convinced you it is true too. Well, I don't know you but I can say for certain that he is NOT better than you. None of us are better than anyone. Period.

Okay, on a MUCH lighter note. I found two really great things. I am a fanatic about my house smelling good. If any of you use plugins, they have a fabulous new scent called Suddenly Spring. There is also an air freshening spray in the same scent. I love them. They really do smell like spring - not too perfumey. Also, my sister gave me some scented candles and air spray that are AWESOME. They are by Trapp. My favorite scent is "Bobs Flower Shop." Unlike any other scented candles I've ever tried these actually smell good the entire time they burn, not just the first couple of minutes. And they are strong enough that you don't need one in every room. I lit one in my kitchen and another in our den and they made the whole downstairs smell good. We buy them at our local pharmacy (family run, not a chain). But I found that I can order them in bulk on the internet cheaper than I can buy them. So, she and I are going to place an order together so we can take advantage of the discount and free shipping and just split the candles.

Alrighty, the gym sucked last night. I really am not burned out but I just didn't have it in me last night. I did not give my all in the class and couldn't even finish 20 minutes on the eliptical or bike. So, I give myself credit for showing up and giving some effort. It was better than nothing and having not skipped all together means that I don't feel "off track."

So what does everyone have going on today? We've got cold (okay, okay, 53 isn't COLD but everything is relative!), rainy weather so I'll have to fight the boredom munchies. Usually, the kids would keep me busy but they are both feeling a little under the weather so I expect them to be a little lazy today. OOOH, I hope they get cranky and fight all day - that would be GREAT! That way I'll be bored AND stressed. That always makes it easier to eat LESS. LOL!

You all take care. I'll be back later to check in on everyone.
Tricia
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Old 03-09-2005, 11:08 AM   #10
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Hello redballoon and michireiko. I hope you do join us. I have learned that no one in this group expect anyone to be anything but what they are. You can talk about anything here, even if you have a different opinion from everyone else, thats okay to. That is what makes us strong. You don't have to tip toe or walk on egg shells here.

michireiko-I have learned that trying to live up to someone's expectations of what they think you should be, will send you into depression, and that can be very damaging not only to yourself, but to everyone around you. Been there, done that. It doesn't work. My wonderful husband of 32 years even tried that crap on me when we were first married. I think he wanted a leave it to Beaver family with me being June Cleaver. Well, i don't ware high heals, and i don't wear dresses. My house is not always picture perfect clean, and thats okay. My name is Gloria, not June Cleaver. If your husband thinks the grass is greener on the other side of the hill, then i say he will never see the beautiful person you are now.

Well, i hope both of you join us. Its a great palce to be.
Talk to you soon.
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Old 03-09-2005, 01:16 PM   #11
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Hey everyone

Day One accomplished, and I'm feeling pretty good about myself. The power went out here for just over an hour, and I decided to get outside and spend some time with neighbors and family. It was brighter outside, so everyone was out and about. My neighbor, Jenny, and I took off for a walk, and I actually made it an entire mile! Wahoo! Jenny needed a break from her little ones and I needed to be out in some sunshine because the house was getting me down. Worked for both of us, plus I got the major feeling of accomplishment over walking that far.

Day Two is starting off well enough. I'm a bit bluesy this morning because some money didn't come through that was supposed to be here, and I have sososo many medical bills waiting to be paid. I've eaten a healthy breakfast and snack already, but cravings are just waiting around the corner, for some reason. I'm going to get up and go for a walk really fast here to get my head screwed back on straight.

I loved what everyone had to say about body image. I really am usually the largest person in any given room, but sometimes it appears to me like everyone else is a size 10 and under around me. I think that isn't necessarily the wrong impression. The larger you are, the more likely you are to hide out in your own house and venture out only when necessary. When I think of it that way, I get kind of impressed with myself and my own inner strength. I'm out there doing it instead of hiding inside my little cocoon.

I remember how I used to look at morbidly obese people walking down the streets and pity them, but now I look at them and cheer them on. They are out and moving! They aren't letting the world's opinion drag them down and keep them hidden away, out of sight.

The same goes for the gym. I know at water aerobics I had to choose whether to be offended or happy over a comment someone made to me. She said that I was really brave to be in their class. Well, I was there having fun and exercising. Being brave never even came to mind. Until her comment, I had never thought about being the largest person in the class. I decided to not let it get me down. There were tiny little women there in their 80's with all sorts of loose, hanging skin, and women who were 8 months pregnant, swollen bellies, ankles and all. Everyone had their own reason to be there, and it was a fantastic melting pot. I decided that if my being the largest person in a swimsuit made it easier for someone else to get in the pool, then so be it! I was doing something that made me feel terrific.

Redballoon and Michireiko, glad to meet you both! You are both most welcome here, and we would love getting to know you better.

Michireiko, I am sorry you are having a tough time. Sometimes situations like this can bring on major personal growth. I know from personal experience that you can come out the other end stronger and more resilient, even though sometimes it feels like you are in the fires of **** first. *HUGS*

Tricia, smell goods are so nice! Right now there are enough things coming into bloom that I have just been opening windows and letting it all in. I even picked up some flowers yesterday and left them sitting on my dining table because the scent was so springy and wonderful. They will get planted this afternoon, but it was nice to enjoy them all this morning.

Kat, thank you for the dusting off speech. I know you and Lucky have both been there, because I have seen it happen. From what I'm reading, sounds like everyone else has been as well. Thanks for not giving me the and knowing what I really needed was an open and accepting heart.

I have a limited window of opportunity for that walk, and it is diminishing swiftly! I could sit here for hours longer doing replies and getting my head clear, but the walk will do me a lot of good as well.

See you later!

Andria
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Old 03-09-2005, 06:24 PM   #12
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Most of you already know how much i love graphics. Well, i was thinking about the link that Tricia posted and was wondering how i could put my face in there and have it touched up. Well, i did it and low and behold, i look just like Cindy Crawford. All i had to do was change my eyes, nose, lips, hair, shape of my face, body starting at my neck and working my way down and place a mole above my lip and there you have it. Cindy Crawfords twin sister. Just kidding. Talk to you soon.
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Old 03-09-2005, 11:05 PM   #13
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Anybody remember me saying that you can tell when I am having trouble staying on plan because I'll be posting every half hour? Well, here I am again! I've had a few less than 1500 calories today so I am right on track. But, I've had the munchies today and with another hour or so before bedtime I still have time to blow it. The interesting thing is that I've come to really dislike that overly full feeling. And the longer I do this the quicker I get to that point. Knock on wood, but sometimes it can be a real chore to eat enough these days. So, right now I'm actually toeing the line of feeling too full. For whatever reason, though, I've got the urge to nitpick through the kitchen. I don't know why I even have to debate this with myself. I already feel close to yucky from being stuffed and I know eating more will make me feel physically ill. Why on earth is snacking even a condsideration at this point? It just doesn't make any sense. Thank goodness for our SANCTUARY or I would have already shoveled all but the kitchen sink in my mouth by now!

Come to think of it, all day today I've been having a "fat" day. You know when you first lose any amount of weight you feel thin regardless of your actual size. I've lost a decent amount of weight but I've been hovering in the 169-171 range so long that I am used to it and don't feel any thinner at this weight then I did at 214 - if that makes sense. I guess what I mean is that I've been below my highest weight for so long that how I feel now isn't compared to 214 anymore, so 169 just doesn't feel as thin as, say 180 did by comparison. There is a BIG physical difference between 214 and 180. Not such a big one between 180 and 169. So, the 1 lb loses just aren't making the mental impact that they were a month or so ago.

Now I am just rambling incoherently. Forgive me, please.

And there you have it. I've whittled away enough time that if I go piddle getting my face washed and teeth brushed it will be bedtime and I'll have avoided ingesting a single extra calorie. THIS SANCUTARY IS AWESOME!

Catch you all in the a.m.

Tricia
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Old 03-10-2005, 02:59 AM   #14
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jawsmom, you can do this! Hang in there!
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Old 03-10-2005, 03:02 AM   #15
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qsilver, 5dogs thanks so much for the welcome. I just may join up. This thread sounds like you have a bunch of sweet people. Problem is I already am a regular on three others and may be spreading myself too thin (I wish!!) but maybe I can do it!
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