HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS

6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

7. He does not act like a TOTAL *** - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.

9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED

10. He is not HORNY - He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

11. It's not his CRACK you see hanging out of his pants....It is MALE CLEAVAGE.

...and for the guys

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

2 She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

3. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

4. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

5. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

6. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.