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Old 01-08-2005, 08:37 PM   #151  
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HI guys - well between the first store, to show BF the mp3 and the second store to look at other options, just to make sure we were getting the right one, he had a money panic. Didn't want to spend anything right now. So I'm back at home. I wanted to just buy the thing anyway...but we were sharing it and I think that would have insulted him. So I am still singing to myself...researching am/fm walkmen again.

Crime girl - yes, spend time with your man! They need attention too. Thanks for the encouragment - I've been downin water all night because I'm craving bad foods....I mean REALLY craving bad foods. I will be better tomorrow I'm sure. I HAVE to be good for the next two days, otherwise he'll be clearing out allergy patterns in my nervous system the whole time I'm there Yep, have to be good.

Red - Get to work! did that help? I need to work on my company brochures tomorrow. Boy wonder is insisting that i have a brochure he can give patients...even though they all know me and I have signs and flyers everywhere...he says he won't refer to me until I have brochures. I want to tell him to kiss my a!! but I won't. I'm working on not allowing other people's attitudes effect me so much (by the way, I'm sucking at it!) Oh and your advice to Crime girl...I just used it on a friend. She is going out tonight, is at her highest weight ever - and feeling like she's a fat cow. First, she isn't...second, you're right - they already know her, so this isn't the first time they've seen her. And even if it was, it's not the first time they've seen a person with weight to lose! She didn't buy it. She does't listen to me most of the time anyway...she's kind of male that way. I have to tell her things - important things about 10 times before she gets them! Anyway, It was brilliant advice - I'll keep it in mind. Why can't we all just love our bodies while working to improve them...why does it have to be so hard emotionally too ?????? Working on that as well. When I figure it out you'll be the first ones to know....just in case...don't hold your breath! As for the job - it sucks. I'm so sorry for you. That's a real pickle. do as much nice stuff for yourself outside of the office as you can and also, check out your self talk...the things you are saying yourself.

I read somewhere that we need to hear 5 positive things for every negative thing...the good news is that we can say them to ourselves and they count..how often do we say wonderful things to ourselves! check your self talk and see if there are some great things you can say to yourself that will help you with the stress. Might not be much but it's worth trying. I'm going to come up with a list for me...(yes, I'll be one of those "and gosh, darnit, people like me...." People)

okay, have to go find a walkman. Tired of working out while reading sub text!
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Old 01-08-2005, 08:57 PM   #152  
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Wow, grass, bummer with the Walkman. Too bad you can't just buy it. Maybe you should get the cheap one after all. I mean, if the boyfriend didn't want you to buy a cheap one but is now scared of buying a better one, what's the point? Can't let the guys' egos get in our way too much, can we?

Glad to hear you tried advice from moi on your friend. Too bad it didn't work. But it may sink in eventually. Sometimes, though, you may have to try the tough approach, tell her if she's going to mope and moan about her weight then she'll just have to buckle down and get the fat off! Or if she doesn't want people to see her, she could get one of those burkas that the Afghani women have to wear. Now, that might draw some stares! I don't know if she's trying or not to lose weight but some people seem to just be fishing for pacifiers. It's one reason I like the bodybuilders, they look at you and and your fat and say it very clinically like, because that's all it is to them, pure and simple fat, not an indication of your worth, your wealth, your upbringing, your potential or your ability to take a mean tumble in the . . . well. . . the barn loft, for example. It's a matter of, there's a contest, you got to be ready for it, no question about it. And, the nice thing is I can talk to them the same way. Now, last night, when I saw their faces I knew they were thinking, "jeez she's put on fat" but they didn't say anything more than "let's get cracking." I mean, not that I'm a bodybuilder, but I was sure training like one, and they all bulk up off season, well most. Problem is, I never take the fat off, just go from less to more and back again. Anyhow, maybe your friend just needs to learn to take a less emotion-laden look at reality and lose weight if she wants to and/or stop reading into other people's suspected opinions and thinking up all sorts of horror stories and how they must consider her the lowest of low-lifes.

Yes, yes, I know people judge you on looks. I was the one saying, I wanted them to so when I have a great body I can give the shallow types the cold shoulder. But those aren't the people who count, not as friends. Sure, I'd like a boyfriend to appreciate it if I worked out and had a great body but I'd also want him to not turn up his nose in disgust if I got superfat or became disfigured due to illness or something. I mean, what would he do with someone like that when she (meaning me) is an old shriveled up prune at 90! I want my guy (the one I'm going to have) to look at me and say, "you always will be gorgeous to me, dearest, my sweetheart." Ok, am I in dreamland here?

Well, I get real bummed about not losing weight but I think I'm over the disgust at myself. I may joke that I can't stand it but it's not the look, it's my slothfulness or lack of discipline or whatever. Feeling bad about yourself is a lot of bullshit, internalized oppression from those who would keep you under thumb, and there are a lot of those types out there! Don't turn the whip on yourself, I say! rip it from their hands and throw it away with ultra-sexy (at whatever weight) chilling nonchalance! What?!! Me care?!?!

You know, you talking about positive things we can say to ourself. I once had done this and it was really neat, but that was, keep a diary of all the good things that happy, all the things that made me feel good during the day and write them all down, ONLY the good things and then reread them all the time. Yes, going to start doing that again.

Well, check you out later. Hope you get your walkman!

Last edited by redballoon; 01-08-2005 at 09:21 PM.
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Old 01-08-2005, 11:27 PM   #153  
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Hey,

Red- Okay- during Lost Boys (bf's pick of movie) I thought about your situation and this is what I came up with. I think that you have several options that I can think of. First off, is there a different area you can work for that doesn't have a wanker running it? Do you trust him?
Also- while freelance writing you have to have some contacts and fellow reporters that you have become friendly with. I would talk to anyone you can to fish for a new paper or opportunity that might interest you. Also, have you looked on the internet for possibilities with sites? I think you would be a great writer for a website.
I think the bottom line comes down to the same one you have in relationships- what is the biggest amount of crap you are willing to put up with before the crap outweighs the benefits of working there? If you decide things are not bad enough to leave you are going to have to reaffirm your commitment to work there everyday. You are going to have to try to stay away from negative people and try to see the good in all the bad. I know that is hard but if it is not bad enough to leave you are going to have to fully commit to hanging in there and making the best of a bad situation. It is your decision. If leaving looks good- start making moves to do that. Fully commit to leaving and trying something new. Don't let change scare you and keep in your mind that you are a talented writer that has a lot to offer and you are going to follow your heart until you find what you are looking for. This might mean that things will be bad before they get good. You may have to take jobs in the meantime to pay the bills but as long as you are moving toward what makes you happy it will be worth it.
I know this might seem like "bubblegum" advice but this is what I think. Either way you go you need to fully commit to it and make the best of it or you are going to drive yourself crazy trying to struggle toward a goal that you have yet to define. You need to pick a stance and go with it. I hope this makes sense. This is the best advice I can give. I hope things work out for the best for you and you find yourself somewhere that makes you happy to go to work. Keep talking and airing out the struggles if it helps. You can PM me or email me if you want- I am here if you need to talk.

little grasshopper- I am sorry the walkman didn't work out. Maybe you can get a cheaper one for a little while and work on the bf for something more advanced. Maybe save for an iPod if that is your passion. I know it is mine- I would love to have one.
I think you gave your friend some good advice but from her viewpoint I also know it is hard to follow sometimes. I have decided I am going to have a t-shirt made that says , "Yes I am fat, why do you think I go to the gym? " to wear when I go to the school's gym. What red said makes sense to me- the gym is a place to improve the way my body looks- of course I am not going to be slim and fit when I go- that is the point. I think maybe your friend lets things settle in with time and I bet she took to heart your advice.
I LOVE your journal idea and I am going to do that because I think it is wonderful. I am going to write 5 good things a day so thanks for the suggestion.

Okay well tomorrow is weigh in day for most of us! Let me know how you are doing if you want. Also- let's reaffirm what we want to accomplish this week. What are the goals for this week for you guys?
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Old 01-09-2005, 05:45 AM   #154  
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Talking first ride of the year!!

Crime girl -- Thank you SO much for taking the time to give me your advice. I read it on my cell phone while walking to the riding club in the bitter cold! I am going to think it over well and get back to you. I think you hit on something there about the goal. I think I need to define that more than what I did last year, which was just be able to keep the horse. Well, I want to add to that this year and include my creative work, as well as the work i do mostly just for the money (though some of that is writing too).

I have to do some translation work now and also want time to give your advice a good thinkover since you took the time to help me out. You are really sweet, Crime girl and what a friend!

And I am going to write in my "what nice things happened to me today" journal. I think I have to make note of them though throughout the day because they are often things that I forget because they're not big things, but they are things I definitely notice or that made me feel good, like this evening, walking back from the riding stable I was looking at the mountains in the distance. The sun was setting behind them and coloring the clouds and the mountains were different shades of gray, the ones in front, the middle, in back. It was so pretty and normally I never see it because I'm never out there that late in the day. Anyhow. . . yes, I got to ride today!! The first time this year!! It was so cold, and windy and my hands were frozen getting the horse tacked up but once I was riding only my face was cold. I get exercise-induced asthma a bit from the cold air, which is also very, very dry but it goes away if I rest for just a short time. I usually take a lesson, so it's very regimented and boy, was I really hurting from not having ridden in two weeks. Ugh, says the slug. But it was great!

Ok, I will be back. Hope to see lots of posts when I get up tomorrow morning. Crime girl, thanks again!

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Old 01-09-2005, 08:10 AM   #155  
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Good morning (evening) guys!!

Red - I am SO excited for you, that you got to ride finally!!!! I bet it was cold as heck - I also bet there wasn't a temp that could have kept you away if they were open I'm really happy for your! You waited way too long for this ride. Sounds like you are feeling more positive about your health program...are you, or just distracted by the talk of work? Just checking Either way, I think you're right - redifining and reminding ourselves of our goals is a great way to stay clear and motivated. Also to see if our goals are reasonable or not I have not set a weekly weight or inches loss goal becaus I have no control over my diet - as far as what I eat. It will have to fall off, as it falls off. And I really don't know how quickly exercise will effect it. I do have a goal to be at 135 before I got to Arkansas to see my family. That would be wonderful!!! I don' know if it's reasonable considering the program I'm on, or not. I think people that were very toxic and had a TON of weight or water retention see immediate DRASTIC results. But if you have less than 60 it seems to be a slower process. I'm okay though because I know I'm healthier and stronger and the slower time is making me face the emotional part of it that's not to up and cheery and motivating. I'm having to face every situation I would normally turn to junk to get through and learn how to do it without reaching for the junk.

Okay I made my part about you - completely about me. Sorry.

Crime girl - lost boys? How was it? At first I thought you meant goonies. I don't think I've seen lost boys though. We are wanting to go see the fockers movie today. Will depend on whether or not we finish the buidling we're building. Mostly done - we just have to put up the door now - oh, and build the door I can't WAIT to get all the bikes out of my house!!! I have a whole room that is nothing but a computer desk and bikes! (and bike parts)

okay enough stalling, here is my number for the week. I have lost 2 pounds. So I am at 138. My goal is 125 and then check in with Doc and see if I'm where he wants me. I think back to college and I was about 115 still and I was strong and healthy and not at all the "skinny" young girl look. I was just lean. It's not like I can change my eating or exercising when I hit my goal so I'll just see where all of this takes me. I like looking at it this way because I realize more than ever before in my life that it's not about weight loss now, but about a life change. this doesn't stop the day I hit my goal....It is a life long, healthy change. I feel good about it. Like I've made the change and all the good stuff will follow.

The eyes are a good place to look for toxins in the body. Mine use to be mostly brownish/green. Now they are greenish/grey. There is the little bit of brown around the pupil - a sign that I'm not totally detoxed but the greenish grey is wild and there also use to be a lot of yellow mixed in (toxins in the liver) there is not there now. Very cool to watch your eyes change color as you become more healthy!

okay better get started on breakfast. Talk with you all later!
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Old 01-09-2005, 10:56 AM   #156  
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Default New thread...

Please move to Battle of the Bulge #7 at
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/show...929#post747929
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