Hi guys!
I've been a "bad" girl, we had the family holiday party for my side of the family here at my house on Saturday and I lost control... there were leftovers here at the house and I lost control again yesterday. I was going to workout and get on the treadmill and didn't. What else can I say?
I'm feeling some remorse, but also accepting what I did. I know I will do it all again next weekend at my in-laws as well. But, after that, it will be back on track for me!
I have no excuses to be "bad" this week, though, so I'd better keep in control and try really hard.
Linda
Derry, happy, hi there! No time, just wanted to say HI. Power to you happy You can be Superwoman!! and Derry, don't worry. The battle ain't lost till you stop fighting. Fall down, get back up, brush yourself off, give us a big grin and on you go again!!!
You are totally right, Red, it's only a battle and not the entire war that was lost!
I'm not giving up.
Hi to you way over in Japan... amazing to think about you spending the holidays there. Are there many Christians in Japan who actually recognize Christmas? I admit that I know so little about their culture. What is the most prominent religion?
I remember reading that you don't get Christmas off, so what holidays do they actually get off?
Linda
I'm not a Christian, but I still do Christmas. I think of it more in the pagan spirit, I guess. Since so many of the Christmas traditions are borrowed from other religions anyway... seems kind of fitting. I guess I just don't fit into any one belief system. Wintermas? Whatever... I enjoy the spirit of the season very much.
It's cold here. Wind chill was 4F. Ambient was 14F, I think. I haven't felt that kind of chill in a long time. My car doesn't have a heater anymore, so it was a long cold drive into work. No newer vehicle on the horizon, since it looks like I won't be able to get credit. I ordered my reports, we'll see what I can get off the reports that's already paid but hasn't been reported as such. That might help.
Rode this weekend, Saturday was actually really nice weather, in the 50s. The horses were feeling pretty good.. Shadow looks spectacular, Eve is still limping a bit but is healing well, Arashi was my cuddle bug. My daughter said Arashi reminds her of Richard... he'll associate with other people if he has to, but his real interest is me. I have to admit to being kind of flattered when my horse left my daughter with treats to come say hi to me when I came into the pasture. From such an incredibly rocky start with him, to this deep bond we seem to have developed.. it's kind of amazing. I feel very lucky. I know my daughter shares that with Shadow, and I know Ian will develop it with Eve, I can already see it starting.
Anyway.. well food is ... food. Exercise is nonexistent, and I am looking forward to resuming a more positive direction come next year.
Good morning all. Well, after non-existant exercise over the weekend, I did go to the gym this morning. Trying to slow down my bad food choices.
That sounds so wrong. "Trying" to "slow down" my bad food choices? I think my problem lately is that I have been externalizing my food/weight/health issues again. An old trap, I know. But I have been acting like I am not the one making these food choices. The truth is, I just haven't cared enough about my health and weight loss to monitor my choices. So, remembering that Yoda said "Do, or do not - there is no TRY" I WILL accept responsibility for my choices, and actively think about what I am eating again.
I think that's the crux of the issue, the not caring enough. It takes conscious effort to make the right decisions, to cook the right food, to push myself to exercise. Right now, obviously, I don't care enough to do that. I have made the decision, on whatever level, that other things going on are more important. Now .. one day, I hope that the food choices, etc., will be second nature. I hope. I begin to think that might never happen, to be honest. I am beginning to think that it will always be something I have to think about, which kind of bothers me. I don't like having to think about something to that degree, unless it is something fun, like horses or computer gaming. *lol* And no, no matter how hard I try, I can't convince myself that cooking healthy foods and daily working out is "fun." I have tried, and I do enjoy it to a certain extent, but no.. it's not "fun." Were it fun, I wouldn't have these problems! I do enjoy running, but I guess it's like anything - once you "have" to do it, it ceases to be something you really want to do. Ah, the mental games we play.
Anyway.. I'm rambling. Trying to avoid doing time.
I don't know that it is even an issue of "fun." At least not for me. I like how my body feels when it is in shape. I would love to be a Sydney Brisco (sp) sort of butt kicking girl. I don't think it is "fun" when I have acid reflux or other problems from overeating. It is more the other issues around food - that it has become a reward, the safety of being overweight, the self esteem - it is easier to stay the same then address those issues and change the behavior. Again, at least for me. Since I feel you can eat just about anything as long as it is in moderation, there shouldn't be any deprivation. But, since I use food for so much else that is messed up, I would rather hide behind the weight than put my money where my mouth is and live up to my potential.
Geez, could I get any more metaphors in there? If it were a drinking game, I'd be toast.
Heh. I've come to understand I'm basically lazy. I like the way my body feels when it's in shape, I just don't necessarily like the work I have to do to get it there and keep it there.
And yes.. I face the same issues of using my weight to hide behind, using food as a comfort, the whole bit.
I think I'm just getting to the point - and it kind of sounds like you are, too - where I'm tired of over analyzing it and I am either going to do it or not. Training horses once again comes into play. If a horse won't trailer load, for example, because he had a bad experience and he's scared of going in there, it doesn't mean you can accept him not trailer loading. The "why" he's not loading isn't the issue, it's the "how to get him to do it" that is the point. The past may be an object of interest, but it's not going to change the fact that we need to train the horse to trailer load.
So .. in looking at my weight and all that happy stuff... the "why" I do the over eating, the not exercising, all that - may be interesting. But the fact is I need to change it. I've found I don't need to understand the why to change the how. I think I often use the why to avoid changing the how.
And I could go around and around about that till I'm blue in the face and weigh in 20 pounds heavier. And I have done exactly that.
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Well girls it's getting down to the wire here. The next few days will fly by and before I know it, I'll be out of here. May not get back much for a few weeks. Want to wish you all a wonderful holiday and a happy and healthy New Year. I'll be back in a few weeks when we get settled into the apartment and the cable gets installed and all that fun stuff.
Be good over the holidays - minimal nibbling but do enjoy a bit of a few special treats. No overanalyzing the diet, why do I eat, why won't I move and all that stuff. Sometimes just like the Nike commercial - you just have to Do It. And that's that. I know I will.
Heh all, sorry I can't reply now. Got a bus to catch. Will be out of the loop for a day or so. Will catch up when I get back again. Take care and good luck, all!!
Last edited by redballoon; 12-22-2004 at 03:12 AM.
Jolly, I liked that Yoda quote so much, I "stole" it an added it to my signature for this week! Thanks for using that, it really made me think!!!! Use the force, everyone!!!!!
Raven, I appreciated reading about the affection you have for your horses, they are living beings and truly can be part of your family. My cats are this way with me and I love them like family! They are so special when you are having a "down" day!
I love that do or do nothing, there is no try thing so much, it's actually affected my morning! I was going to skip my ww meeting as I've got so much holiday stuff to do. I will use my "no weigh in pass" today, but still will go.... the "no weigh in pass" is more because I am wearing really heavy and warm clothing today - it's freezing here, wind chills below zero and only 1 degree F outside....my normal weigh in outfit it truly a summer outfit, no way will I be wearing that today, I'm all bundled up and don't care to weigh in, just need the motivation! Gosh, I just thought of Chach (wonder what she's up to?) way up north and can't imagine living with these temps ALL winter! WE have a few weeks of it, but she's got MONTHS of it! Yikes!
I did a work out yesterday, I got on my treadmill and I tried to eat right, but lost it with the cookies and muffins.... but I'm not giving up! I even shoveled snow yesterday as well, it was a really awful day here weatherwise, but I didn't completely blow ALL of it. I had a long drive in icy conditions, though, and when I got home all cold and achy from being on "red alert" for three hours in my car, I needed comfort food. It was totally an emotional thing and I didn't even care about what I ate. Afterwards, I felt no remorce, just an understanding of how my mind needed this food, not my body. So, the battle continues!
Happy, I wish you well, take care of that back and stay safe! Can't wait to hear about your move when you are back!
Linda
Linda - That is precisely why I don't live up there anymore. After 35 years of dealing with 9 months of winter, I couldn't stand it anymore. I had originally planned to move to Oregon, but ended up in Georgia. I was prepared to absolutely hate this place, but have grown kind of fond of it. I'd rather live someplace not quite so populated... maybe one day. Now even the 2 months of "winter" I deal with here makes me cranky. I simply don't do cold. And anything below 50F is cold. Comfort food is a huge problem for me. Much more than I orginally thought it was. And not much comforts me like it does... so finding a substitute is difficult. I think that's were I feel the lack - not so much in the resentment of not eating something because of self imposed limits, but resentment due to lack of comfort. Does that make sense? And here again, the cold weather only makes it worse for me. Warm fire, hot cocoa, yummy dinners... Alaska haunts me still! Argh!
Red - Ok .. where you off to this time!? I hope you're having fun!
Happy - Wow .. Such a busy, change filled time for you. *hug* I'll miss you while you're gone, and look forward to all the news when you get back!
Jolly - Heh. Soemtimes a drinking game sounds like a good idea. Well, till I remember how I feel the morning after. *ow* I'm too old to get drunk anymore.
My emotions are all over the place lately. Christmas, dad in the care home, mom gone, the ex here, money... I'm so grateful for so much, and yet things are sometimes so bittersweet. I'm eating for comfort. Big time. All the foods that have ever made Christmas special with my parents are rolling down on me. I promised my son I wouldn't be a grinch this year. I managed to not grinch out last year - well, except for a couple hours after Christmas morning where I excused myself, went to my bedroom and let myself feel everything, then took a deep breath and went back to my family, and had a lovely evening. You know.. you'd think that after 10 years of mom being gone, I'd be over this by now. So anyway... I suppose food will be my crutch again this year, much as I hate to depend on it. It's only for a week or so, then I'll be ok.
I'm here, lurking and running like a crazy woman! Good news is that the exercise is back where it was before I was a moron and got lazy. Food is about 80%. A few cookies at night, but nothing compared to a couple weeks ago.
I'm so mad at myself that I have slacked the last three months. I could be so close to goal now and instead, I'm struggling to get those extra pounds off I gained back.
I'm tired of it and tired of wondering why I did it or continue to do the things I do. I'm just going to live my life, eat right, exercise and not put so many demands on myself and feel like a failure for not reaching my goals that I set way too aggressively anyway.
I'm going to pat myself on the back, be thankful I'm healthier now than when I started last year, and feeling so much better. These other pounds will come off, but I can't get so stressed out about it.
Oh, and by the way, it is 18 outside. We got about 5 inches of snow the other day. In my yard, there is probably about 2 feet of snow, just FYI! I love it.
Chachee - Send the snow down here, wouldja? I need some time off work!
I hear you on the "why did I let myself slide" stuff. I could have been AT goal by now. That was the plan, and if I'd stayed on track that's where I'd be. Instead, I've gone in reverse and I'm even farther away from goal than I was. *sigh*
I really don't want to keep repeating this pattern.
Hey all. I have to stress to you all for a moment. I know, i know - when don't I?? I was going to go ride tonight, but when I hit the internet to catch up with y'all - the MSN home page had a huge article about 20 killed at one US base, and 5 others killed in a Humvee attack. I have to go home and at least email my friend. Try to touch base with her. I know she is doing what she believes in, but I HATE this. I can't go crazy every time something is on the news, because things are always on the news. I will be in a straight jacket before she gets home.
Sigh.
I will try to talk more later. REd, where are you off to? Happy, good luck with the move. Raven, good luck surviving the season. Derry, glad my quote helped.
You can do it!!
You can be Superwoman!! 
and Derry, don't worry. The battle ain't lost till you stop fighting. 
Fall down, get back up, brush yourself off, give us a big grin and on you go again!!!
I guess I just don't fit into any one belief system. Wintermas? Whatever... I enjoy the spirit of the season very much. 
So anyway... I suppose food will be my crutch again this year, much as I hate to depend on it. It's only for a week or so, then I'll be ok.
