Thanks for the love, ladies! I needed it. This is a great Thursday catharsis, Faye....just to "evaluate" out loud. I hope everyone takes advantage of it.
As for me, I wasn't avoiding posting because I didn't want to bring anyone down or because I didn't know I'd get support. I was just plain in denial. I would type the same basic things I've been typing for over a year now and in my little brain, everything was fine. But my body was telling me different.
Last night I think I figured out a big piece of the puzzle. Last year when I was losing steadily, I took a vow to put myself first. To take care of my needs at all costs, so that I had the energy and strength to take care of everything else. I dropped a TON of volunteer and low paying work that I had piled up....just dropped it, apologized and moved on. And I paid attention to what *I* needed to eat, not what the kids *wanted* to eat. And I pampered myself, and I exercised and I lost weight. AND I was happier than I had been in a long time.
SOmewhere along the line, I stopped putting myself first. I always go overboard working on my dance school's May show (where starting in JANUARY I am the director, chief choreographer, costume designer and seamstress for over 40 dancers!! PLUS dancing in 4 numbers myself) I think that was probably when I just slid into my old habits of ignoring myself and putting everyone else first. I KNOW it's the same time that I stopped losing weight. This past weekend was another marathon session where I work my *** off for my dancers. It's absolutely worth every minute and I enjoy it. BUt it comes at a time when my strength and immunity are at an all time low because of months of NOT TAKING CARE OF MYSELF!
Yup, now that I write it all out....that's exactly what's wrong with me right now. I've gone back to putting myself last.
I am proud to say that I had a 4 point day yesterday as all this dawned on me. I actually looked at our eating habits to find (and weed out) our 3 highest calorie staples. Meat, Pasta/bread and cheese are the top 3. I resolved to have at least 3 vegetarian nights a week and planned a menu to reflect that. THe family, especially dh, will just have to get used to it. Meat problem solved.
Then, I actually looked at the calories in pasta....HOLY CRAP!!!!! I had NO IDEA........one little bitty box has EIGHT servings and EACH serving is 200 calories!!!
That's WITHOUT the sauce you put on it!!!! I eat at LEAST 3 or 4 servings worth in one helping, easily, and then often go back for more. So NO MORE PASTA for me!! I saw a recipe on here that suggested roasting cauliflower and/or broccoli and dipping it in marinara sauce. So I tried it last night, only with pesto sauce and feta cheese. YUMMMY.......Honestly, I decided that when I make spaghetti, it's really for the kids and usually only when I don't feel like cooking (cuz it's really easy, and if I am supremely lazy the kids can cook it themselves). It's not the pasta I like, it's the sauce! Any hard substance will do for a sauce delivery device...even cauliflower. Now, I know some of you are going EEWWWW....but I don't cook it until it's mushy, just so it's tender and crunchy. And I really don't taste the vegetable at all, it's just texture with my yummy sauce. Pasta problem solved. And I hardly ever eat bread unless it's whole grain or rye, which is fine a few times a week.
Cheese. I can live without cheese. Except Feta. LOVE that stuff. But I only need a tiny bit for flavor. THe main thing I eat cheese on is homemade bean or chicken quesadillas...and I've tried them without cheese. They taste the same. So, Cheese problem solved.
I figured out that as far as the rest of my life goes.....exercise is just going to have to happen. EVERYDAY. the more the better. I can cut calories until I'm eating grass, and my body will adjust to the calorie level I'm at. I'd WAAAYYY rather adjust to a higher calorie threshold and just rev up my metabolism with lots of exercise. I've been a total sloth the past few months! I have a $400 home gym just sitting in my garage collecting dust. TIme to get my butt out there.
Okay, I've rambled on long enough. I feel much better....thanks so much for being here everyone. I know I can get back on track, holidays or no holidays. And SO CAN ALL OF YOU!! Faye, I know you can pull yourself up out of this (just don't give yourself a wedgie!
) We all can. It's 7 weeks until the New Year....Let's help each other reach our goals during these last dark days of the year. I still want to be in the 190's....that's 10 pounds in 7 weeks....I can do that!
I love you all
Julie