Well that's just too cool...Welcome SeeCat (Molly) and I like the ticker thingy. Lurkers always welcome to "check"in. Glad to see you Punkin...threw me for a minute 'cause I was pretty sure it is Tuesday......
Anyway...so far so good today...need to top off the water. However the dreaded night is near...can I stay outta da 'fridge?
Well.... at times it certainly wasnt pretty but ... I am here to tell you that I DID give the 10th speech yesterday although at dawn yesterday morning I was sure I could never do it.... hmmmmmmm.....
Believe it or not, the 10th IS more important than the 11th or 12th....
And, unfortunately, it DOES matter to me ( too much, I know but since I'm being honest..) that I bring the audience what they expect and MORE...
The 10th Toastmaster speech is supposed to be a combination of all the lessons learned ... substance, composition, props, does it fit the audience, AND also, is supposed to be inspiring.......
And since I was using a subject matter that was very close to my heart, it was very hard for me to put into words ... the writing was the hardest writing I've had ...
So, at dawn, I was telling DH that I didnt think I was ready and just didnt feel up to it...I could tell from the look he gave me that he thought I was bailing but didnt say it....
By 8 am I realized if I didnt buck up and just go and deal w/ it , no matter how it turned out that how could I even be convincing as an motivational speaker later....???
So... I took my shower and ate a good breakfast .... and began "memorizing" what I had written as my run through's the night b/4 w/ DH were very rough around the edges.... Instead, I made 4 pcs of toast w/ honey and wolfed them down in record time...
Luckily, I realized that I was stressing about the memorization
( Interesting how it wasnt until I made the toast and ate it that I realized," Oh!, you must be stressing...)
and I knew I had to go into high gear to get this speech
to the level I wanted it to be....
I literally started repeating phrases that I was having trouble remembering in the order I wanted to present them...
The dogs were asleep in front of me and they started to think I was talking to them ....but they kept falling back to sleep so I guess my topic doesnt relate to dogs...
anyway...
although I was 5 minutes late for the meeting, I did get there and... think I did well...
But...
kaylets-thanks for sharing about your speech. i am in such awe of your public speaking! it takes guts to "go on with the show" no matter what. you inspire me, as always.
hi eydie, punkin, ceara, wildfire, arabella! and to all the royal palace residents!
today was a full day for me of feeling comfortable with my food choices and that was a nice change of late. i have been so stressed and frustrated now for a very long time regarding life stuff, and have been a bust with my food for much too long now. i am taking a great big fresh start card, sipping a nice cup of tea, and am settling back in to the royal headquarters.
welcome SeeCat, hello anagram, amarantha, mama frogger, and to all the remaining royals, mentioned and unmentioned.
i am hoping to make this day a good one with food plan and exercise. next thurs., i have a colonoscopy to which i am not looking forward at all. (just a regular one recommended by my internist since i am 51), so not expecting any surprises, but the creepy factor is what i am dreading. oh well. in a way, having to drink only liquids the day before that is motivating me to start eating healthier and gentler again and detoxing from cafeine and sugar-well, somewhat, anyway. baby steps.
i checked with the volunteer organization which has been helping me out to ask for more help, and they placed me on the waiting list, as they are short-handed now. for me, though, it was the act of coming out and asking for help which was the hardest part. as i am getting worse physically, i haven't wanted to ask for the extra help i have actually needed, and this is a good, meaningful first step for me, and i was proud of myself for doing it. i am also going to ask my neurologist at my next appt. on the 15th about the possibility of an occupational therapist visit, to see how i can get my condo. more user-friendly, etc.
well, i hope everyone has a good day. take care, all.
Frankly, I cannot wait until all the candy is NOT in the stores, ads, commercials!!
I am struggling this year! Guess being home is part of the problem this week!
Need to "Get over myself" and get back to basics... climb an extra flight of stairs, do something to get my heart pounding and my brain thinking about something other than food...
Called into my job to"check in" on Wed and found out my immeadiate supervisor had given his notice... he has accepted a job as Athletic Director for a High School... It seems like a perfect fit and I am very excited but now I wonder what will happen next....
***
Today's thought:
"Everything you need, you've got. It's there, perfect, complete--maybe not yet realized--but perfect and complete." (Beah Richards 1920-2000)
Question of the day :
"Did you see the eclipse?"
****
So, WSW, I CAN relate.... I must have had too much tea w/ caffeine as I woke up w/ a start this morning stressing ..... Had to take a look at the calendar to double check things were on schedule... In fact, that made my heart skip a couple beats....
Got home form the beach last night. We had a great time---but the time just flew by. Walked 22 miles in the 2 days we were there, and even found a yoga class to attend. It was taught by a tiny Indian woman who took no prisoners; she was tough! And she called it a beginner's class, hah!
It was interesting to me to watch how it is to travel and be off sugar and white flour. We stopped for gas at one of the big convenience stores and normally I'd get something, but being on this new program there was literally nothing for me there. You know, it was actually quite liberating! It helped that I'd brought along a boatload of acceptable foods too!
Went to my favorite pancake place and got a big veg. omelette instead of my usual platter of pancakes and got some pancakes on the side because they were offering "organic whole grain' pancakes! We had to support that!
Kaylets, have you processed your speech anymore? Are you feeling more positive about it? Have you had any feedback? I'm sure you did well!
wsw, I'm always so proud of you when you ask for help! It's a good reminder for all of us. After all, if we don't rise up and ask, how does anyone know what we need?
Punkin, we saw the elipse over the ocean. It was glorious!
Ceara, we didn't know about it beforehand but there was a dog show going on while we were at Virginia Beach, so when we'd walk on the boardwalk we got to visit with all these exotic dogs [and their people of course!]. Let's see, we saw Otter Hounds, Pugs, Irish Wolfhounds [had no idea they were so big!!!]. bull mastiffs, welsh corgis [lovely little dogs!], and lots of others that we'd never heard of. In other words, we were in heaven! Even when that Irish Wolfhound slimed me good!
wsw, everyone dreads a colonoscopy. It's the humiliation factor. But you know, these people do the procedure every day and have seen it all, so please don't be embarrassed. As far as the actual scope itself, you won't remember anything. The prep is the worst part of the whole thing, having to drink that revolting prep and spend the evening back and forth to the bathroom. The prep is now available in pill form, so you might want to ask if that's an alternative for you. The usual drug cocktail during the procedure is versed and demerol. You may be given something else if there are interaction problems with anything you currently take. During the scope you will be in a twilight sedation, meaning you are conscious and able to respond to the doctor, but you will feel no pain and have no recollection of the procedure when it is over. You should have someone to drive you home that day, and take it easy for the remainder of the day. You'll do fine! The nurse at my doctor's office back east used to say "think of it as a gift to yourself, and then go out and buy yourself something as a reward" anytime I had to have any kind of test done. Sound advice. I'm proud of you for reaching out and asking for additional assistance. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there and ask.
We have a costume party tonight and I have a million things to do, so I'm off. I'll try to catch up tomorrow!
Just a fly-by -- EOM and I've got a horrible head cold. However, it's a crisp and sunny beautiful fall day, so I'm going to go for a walk around the harbour in any case. Had a few bad days, but then a revelation.
I read a newsletter about "thanking your body" that really hit home. Although I've been trying to think that way, I suddenly saw the relationship between my mind and my body as abusive, parallel to other abusive relationships. What I really thought of was the way the Canadian government marginalized Natives. Took the children from their homes and families, took away their culture, punished them for speaking their own language. As a result, they developed horrific self-image problems and a host of addictions. I suddenly saw a parallel, in which I have abused my body by feeding it junk, not giving it the care it needs. Not meeting my real needs but substituting food that I don't need at all. And then when the results of my abuse become apparent (overweight) I feel revulsion for my body. I think I may be beginning a major change of attitude here. My body is what I have made it.
Here's that newsletter:
October 27, 2004
Thanking Your Body
Appreciating The House Of The Soul
The human body is the product of a thousand daily miracles. It is the one thing no one can ever take from you and it is your means to express your innermost thoughts, dreams, and emotions. It is the vessel for the soul. Yet too often we find cause to disparage our bodies or treat them with indifference and dislike, forgetting that our bodies serve us every moment of every day. There is a tangible effect that occurs when we love and offer sincere thanks to our bodies. Positive energy is released, inspiring health, healing power, and overall well-being.
Loving your body enough to actively express a deep sense of gratitude may be a challenge (particularly during an illness) but your body is the tool by which you experience life and, as such, it deserves loving gratitude and support. Spend some time enjoying the physical sensations you may have taken for granted or meditating on them, focusing on the beauty your eyes have allowed you to see, the amazing sounds your ears have allowed you to hear, the wide range of textures you are able to perceive. Then look within. Imagine the wonderful strength of your heart as it pumps nourishing blood throughout your body and your lungs taking in oxygen and expelling toxins. Each component of the body is a wonder for together they form a beautiful and unique work of art that can think, walk, heal, sing, dance, laugh, cry, feel, play, love, and create.
As you learn to appreciate your body, you will naturally begin to care for it with a greater consciousness. Your powers of sensual perception will grow stronger as you acknowledge the body's messages. When you are keenly aware that your body is itself a miracle, you will never fail to give thanks for its blessing.
Just realized I've been absent a whole week! Nay, nay, never no more! Life has been happening, etc. Can't stay now, either but pledge to return with vigor later. So much to say...so much to read.
A bit of discouraging news - dh's kidneys are failing further - still not quite to dialysis but only by a squinch. Determined fellow is cutting down even further on his already low rations so he can hold a bit longer. As I cut his rations, I cut my own but it's not denting the scale #s.
We are running away for a bit today so I must off to the shower and twist my head back to the place when I can properly appreciate this beautiful day.
Yo, just a wee postie to say hello as I'm in brevity blah mode ... However, starting a new streak due to really inexplicable weight gain and logging it in a new journal in that same place far, far away. So won't bore anyone with those details.
Anagramatic, I'm so sorry about the discouraging news re dh ... he seems very stalwart and determined. Crossing fingers and toes for him.
Hello, Molly. I love your avatar.
To all, mentioned and unmentions, again apologies for just drifting in and out and not really being responsive ... actually, I read and mentally respond to everyone, but I just seem to be very tired now and can't type anymore, but have the paying writing to do ... mayhap will take a nap first.
Later ...
Last edited by Amarantha2; 10-31-2004 at 10:39 AM.
Well, after reading the posts, I wonder whatever possessed me to think I should feel sorry for myself....
WSW--
BIG HUG!
yes, it is an awful test...but Wildfire is right... those folks have seen it all before...in fact, long ago, when I was laid up and subject to many tests... I finally gave myself permission to ask questions like... "While I'm waiting my turn, and if I get cold, hot, thirsty, etc... what happens ?"
Much to my suprise, these were all questions they had been asked before and were ready w/ answers.... Somehow I thought it wouldnt appear "brave" if I asked... I never wanted to be a "bother"....
Anagram--
BIG HUG! !
Your DH is very brave! Hope you were able to take advantage of today's weather...I really hate to hear he is so close to dialysis again... Am sending lots of positive energy your way!
Wood Nymph--
YES! Just this am, saw a documentary about how much food we throw away from fields, grocery stores and etc ... More than are mouths to feed.. we just need to redirect it better... Same study showed how the US is one of the few countries that doesnt know how to eliminate hunger here at home...
And then... there was ANOTHER commercial for holiday candy... And I had an very big lightbulb moment.... How those of us who are so well fed have turned nearly 3 months into an excuse of non stop indulgence...
It reminds me of spoiled children so used to an endless supply .....
Someone got very annoyed w/ me today as I shared my lightbulb moment, accused me of having lost my memories of having fun as a kid ringing doorbells for Trick or Treat.... The studies I saw this morning said aprx $20 billion dollars was spent on Halloween candy ....You can't convince me that was only to be handed out to little kids...
All I can tell you for sure, Trick or Treat 40 yrs ago was one of the few times a year candy was even available... Today, kids have more access to "treats" than fruit...
anyway...
Empress... so glad to see you!
Just realizing what time it is... sorry, have to get ready to go bowling!
***********
Thought of the day :
"When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the morning light, for your life and strength.
Give thanks for your food, and the joy of living.
If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies with yourself."
- Tecumseh, Shawnee Chief
Question of the day :
"What career would you like to try?
What career would not like to try?"
-from The Actor's Studio
****
KETTLE IS ON!
My DH is napping right now but we were putting up some Ebay Auctions earlier...
Ever go back and reread your own post and wonder what you could've possibly been thinking?? that's what I'm wondering about my very last line...
Guess I thought it had been deleted or was part of the line above....
Feeling more cheerful this am ... that there is much yet to be learned ( job, life, etc) but that one step at a time I can do it... That I will be frightened sometimes but that I still am in very good company even when scared....
Hmmmmm.... interesting how the hands know better than the brain what we are really feeling.....
Havent mentioned it lately but I've been "stalled" at the same 2lbs for about a month... have been stress eating... apples mostly... sometimes toast...
even stopped weighing myself daily as I was in "denial"... although I told myself it was better NOT to look every day......
Finally, this morning, decided that I'm only kidding myself... and was pleasantly suprised to remember that the early morning weighin w/ no clothes is better than the official night weighin...
.....
Seems like just a small thing to get so sidetracked about...
hmmmmmmm................................
*****
Thought of the day :
You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.
- Leo Aikman
Question of the day :
"Did you have trick or treaters at your house this weekend?"
Sorry to hear of DH Anagram but glad to hear of his determinedness.
Nice to see you wsw!
Wildfire...how are things goin' back together after the crash? I think recovery takes a while. And the new career?
Kaylets...one step at a time is good.
Arabella...danged EOM is past...praises be, and onwards!
Had 8 kids last night...but made a really scary jack'o lantern all by myself. That was fun. Strategy this year of shelling candy I don't like is working....
Need to go walk though...and then laundry and vacuum etc...a neverending story.
Ceara, I post on other weekdays just to keep ya on your toes!!!! 
