Sassy, I have to have the sun too! It has rained here everyday this week, cloudy, dreary. It drives me crazy and me lazy. I'm in a total different mood on sunny days and much more productive. So glad to hear you are feeling better.
Chach, you are so helpful. Can I ask how long it took to lose 20 pounds and is 2 pounds a week about normal? 20 pounds is a huge accomplishment, I think, so I hope you are beaming over hitting that goal
Yesterday was another great day for me. I didn't have alot of the things this week that I needed to eat the SB way but I made do with what I had. I had my 3 meals a day and 2 snacks and alot of water. I feel pretty good about this. I think I have always known why I overeat, well, not really overeat but what I eat, anyway, I guess I never wanted to accept some of the things that I have to accept. Don't know if it will make any sense to you all but the past 2 years have been rough. As you all know Gary works 2 jobs. I asked him, begged him not to take the second job. I pointed out all of the reasons that I didn't want him to take it and he pointed out all of the reasons that he thought he should. Anyway, no matter what I said it didn't seem to matter. Since then I have spent alot of time alone. I get lonely, depressed, bored so therefore I eat. Yes, I go places, do things, alot of times with our friends that are couples but Gary is never there. I get really tired of feeling like I'm single, tired of feeling like I'm a single parent. Gary knows how I feel but I still play second best to that all mighty dollar. I know he has great reasons why he is doing this but I feel like it's at my expense. I feel like I'm being selfish but when I look back and see how our lives went from one extreme to another I feel cheated. I am working really hard to fix these feelings. I have no doubt in my mind that Gary loves me so therefore he is doing what he thinks is best. I know this job will be coming to an end soon and I can't wait. Until then I will try to be more understanding and not dwell on feeling like he deserted me. BLAH...BLAH...BLAH.... Enough of that
Tomorrw is supposed to be cloudy but no rain until the afternoon. I am going to plant some tomatoes and cucumbers, squash and peppers. I love to plant the garden, just don't like picking! I hate snakes!!!
Helloooooo.......Is anyone here? Where is everyone?
Raven, are you okay?
Chach?
Sassy?
HMMMMMMMM......
The weather is cloudy and nasty here again today. It rained alot last night so it's way too muddy to work in the garden. Instead I'm going to load up my stuff and head to a scrapbooking class.
Ok it's official I was suffering from PMS in addition to all the other stuff I'm so spazzed about. My period started yesterday, which is 5 days early. My body is getting very whacked lately. Maybe it's the stress that did it, or maybe I'm just getting old enough for the hormones to start being bizarre. Who knows. In any case... at least that explains SOME of the moodiness and eating.
As regards the eating... go figure. I'm down to 171. Six pounds down, and I have a a week left to go. Think I can do 2 more pounds and get myself down to 169? Oooooo the suspense, the drama!!
Hippy - I'm so sorry you're having a string of bad weather. That gets to me. I do much better with sun, though I do need rain once in a while because unrelenting heat and sun will fry my brain. As regards Gary and his work... boy do I feel for you on that one. I was married to a guy who really, truly believed that his whole responsibility as a husband and father was to bring in the most money he could. I mean, he wasn't trying to be bad, he just really, really believed that. And even after talking to him about it repeatedly, for years, he never got it that his kids needed HIM more than they needed "extra" money. *I* needed him more than we needed the extra money. I was, effectively, a single parent, single... alone. I did everything by myself. I was lonely, I felt unloved, unwanted, unneeded, uncared about. Maybe it wasn't fair, but ... that's what happened. We ended up divorced - though there was far more wrong than just that, it was a big part of it. He ended up divorced from his second wife, too, because he still hadn't learned - again, there was more to it than that, but it played a huge part. I truly hope Gary comes to understand where you are coming from. You need him. I really hope he makes good on his committment to end that second job. In the meantime, please do not hesitate to come here and vent, rant, rave, pour out the frustration and all that. I really do understand.
Sassy - I'm a scale addict. Emotionally I've gotten better, but I need to weigh every day. If I don't, I seem to lose connection with what I'm doing. I note the number and move on. Like last week after my mexican fiasco (which I really enjoyed, btw) I knew the weight would go up, and it did, and that was that. Yay. I noted it and moved on. This weekend, it's down, like I knew it would be. Yay. That's a good thing, note it and move on. It's information, that's all it is now. Though I do admit if it gets stuck for weeks at a time for seemingly no reason, that still really bothers me. The last time that happened was in February, and for three weeks - even though I was eating perfectly OP and working out - that scale wouldn't budge. I was reaching the end of my rope when it finally dropped a pound or something like that. *whew* What a relief! I suppose it will happen again at some point when I plateau. I hope I just have the tenacity to stick to the plan, keep going, and it will break. And I agree - those mental breakthroughs are wonderful! My whole life has changed in the last year or so. Between this place and my horse training epiphanies... my perspective on me, life, and everything has been reevaluated more than once. I don't think I've grown this much emotionally and mentally since I was 14.
Cachee my wonderful friend... I wish I could just reach out and give you a hug. I am so proud of you, and so impressed with your determination and motivation. I'm leaning on you heavily right now, can you feel it? I think my e-mail to you will explain why I'm so twitchy right now. I'll be ok. I will. I will I will I will I will dammit I WILL.
Alright... I actually slept in today. Unheard of. But it sure felt good. And then I spent two hours reading through 3FC and the horse training board I belong to as well. I could do this all day, sadly. But I truly need to get off my lazy *** and do my pilates (I got my windsor DVD back from Rosa now that we have the PS2 again!) and then clean up the house a little, then go play with my horse (he has become a different animal entirely since I started following this method of training, it's so incredible, nearly brings me to tears!), and then Richard and I are going out to dinner tonight... hopefully to talk about some things in a non-confrontational, adult manner. It's sad but he needs to understand I will not give up on this dream now that I've found it again. I will not stop moving forward, I will make this happen. I will at LEAST get my 15 acres and have my 7 horses. That will be the start. I WILL get my JL certification, and maybe even become select. It may take me years to do it, but these are my goals. They are not "fantasies," they are goals, and I will NOT shove them aside for anyone again. Oops, I'm ranting again, aren't I. Off my now... sorry!!
Location: A beautiful and peaceful place in the woods
Posts: 8,905
S/C/G: Stuck/Working on it/Good 2 Go
Height: Fun Size
Good Morning Everyone,
I am back and ready to make some noise again. We got home after midnight last night and being that we were used to it being 2 hours earlier with the time change, both of us got to bed quite late and didn't get nearly enough sleep before the alarm started ringing.
Tried to catch up on posts but seemed to have a bit of trouble with the site last night. At one point it quit altogether which is probably a good thing or I may not hav gotten any sleep at all.
Vacation was nice. We had a good time, took in some beautiful sights and enjoyed ourselves immensely. Had a good time with DH's family too - they are such wonderful people. On the bad side, I developed extreme blisters on each of my little toes at the onset of our trip. Since we did lots of walking each day, I never got a chance to stay off the feet and let them rest up. At times I was quite the hobbling thing. I did take 3 pairs of shoes with me but was only able to wear my sneakers for the most part as my feet got worse.
I was also horrified to see that I have gained 5 pounds while away. Food was on an odd schedule - we seemed to eat breakfast at a normal time but often had a late lunch and skipped dinner or had a very late dinner. Since we were doing lots of traveling by car, I did not drink near enough water.
And... yes I have quit smoking. Had my last cigarette right before bed last Tuesday night as I was leaning over the pier watching the surf roll in. Had debated about waiting until vacation was over but decided that no, I had to commit. It wasn't too hard not smoking for 2 days in California as I didn't have the opportunity to smoke. Las Vegas was another story. Smoking all around me made it difficult. Many times I was tempted but was able to resist. I had about 5 packs of cigarettes with me - for the few days I smoked on vacation, I didn't smoke near as much as I usually do so I had some leftovers and at the horrid prices I was not about to toss them - will send them to my aunt instead. Today is day 6 smoke free but now that I am home I am finding it harder than ever - so many habits I had that I associated with cigarettes all around me. I think it is more difficult now than last week when I stopped. But I will be strong and overcome this! Fortunately after 11 days away there is not much of anything to nibble on in the house.
Will take me a while to catch up with you so bear with me. The next few days will be busy as I have homework to catch up on and getting back into the swing of work is always a challenge when you've been away. I should be chatting away by Wednesday at the latest. Have a good week!!!!
After a week of rain I woke up this morning to sunshine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raven, hate to hear that you had to go through this but glad to know you can relate. We have all that we need but Gary feels it's important that we have what we want also. I hate to admit it but Jordan and I get pretty much everything we want. Gary very seldom says no. Anyway, I'd give it up in a minute to have what is important. I'm so glad to hear you have lost more As for 2 more pounds, YES!! You can do it! You have done amazing things and will continue to do more!
Saturday I ditched the scrapbooing class and me and a friend of mine went and had girls day. We went to lunch, went shopping, got haircuts. Getting my hair cut was the best part! I love to let someone else wash, cut, dry and fix it!!!
Our anniversary is Wednesday. 14 years. I get excited every year because making a marriage work is hard. You know what I mean? I don't know what I'm trying to say. I just get a great feeling knowing we have made it so many years and are still going strong. We love eachother and though you never know I never see us not being together.
Sassy, I can't remember what you said you do for your mails to make them strong. Refresh my memory please
Chach, How are you?
I started working on the pool before the rain set in. It's a mess. I don't cover it because the wind out here always shredds the covers. It gets fuul of leaves and so on. Getting it ready is hard work and time consuming. I put 10 gallon of bleach in it and run the pump for a few days and when the water clears I have to vacuum the leaves out, that takes a few days because it gets stirred up. Then it's a matter of getting the chemicals right. The kids get in it every year Memorial Day weekend but it's way too cold for me. It's going to be pretty here all week so today I plan to stay outdoors and work on that mess.
I ate well over the weekend. I made a salad and tossed it with olive oil and vinegar. It sure isn't as good as ranch dressing but I can eat it and know it's much better for me. I threw some baby spinach leaves in with the lettuce. I am glad they don't taste like cooked spinach
Lucky, how are you?
My other brother, Jonathan, had to have hernia surgery the other day. The surgeon said it worse than he thought. His intestines had dropped and were all knotted up and twisted. They had to straighten them out and attach them to something but said he will be fine.
Location: A beautiful and peaceful place in the woods
Posts: 8,905
S/C/G: Stuck/Working on it/Good 2 Go
Height: Fun Size
Returned to work today and got a phone call today - seems our company has been bought by another. More than likely we will all lose our jobs in June.
The idea of going through a job hunt again is more than depressing. I just keep saying to myself that a cigarette will NOT fix this. I'm going off to a corner to sort out my thoughts...
Well I may have bitten off more than I can chew financially, but my gut is telling me I did the right thing. So hopefully things will work out the way they're supposed to, and this will all be good. We are in the process of adopting a new horse. I have my horse, my daughter is leasing hers (and we're on a payment plan to own her by the end of this year), and my son was going insane because he didn't have a horse of his own to ride. He takes lessons once a week, but that meant whenever we went to the stables to ride and it wasn't his lesson day, he would have to wait for an invite from one of us to ride our horses, and it was really beginning to depress him, poor little dude. And he's such a good rider, too... so ... we had heard about a mare coming back to the rescue center. She really did sound too good to be true, so I didn't even take Machine with me to go look at her. But you know what? From what I could see, she's perfect. She's young, well trained, is in pretty good shape, and has a wonderful disposition. She's 16 hands, is a dark dark liver bay and only has one little teeny white star for markings. Her name is Folly's Love (Eve) - she's an ex racer, registered thoroughbred. She's had almost a year of dressage and jump training. Now we just have to coordinate getting her from the center to the stables, and we're all set! My son is dying to meet her.
Happy - Wow. What a crappy thing to come home to! I'm sorry! After that last post about your great vacation and quitting smoking... I was all ready to jump up and down, and now this. I guess prepare for the worst and hope for the best, eh? Seems kind of amazing they were able to keep it so quiet that in one week everything could be a done deal like that.
Hippy - Gads that sounds like one nasty hernia!! I'm glad they got it all taken care of. Sounds like you worked pretty darn hard on that pool. I'd love to have one, we're all such water babies. We LOVE to swim.
Riding yesterday was interesting. It ended up being a very extended ride, because Nickie came off that horse again. She was doing SO well, and they were zipping right along, but Shadow started to act up. Nick kept trying to get her to behave, but Shadow kept doing all the wrong things, and instead of dropping back and taking a few deep breaths and reevaluating things, my daughter got frustrated and angry and pushed even harder, which mean that now she's all tense and not thinking right... and Shadow did a very fast swerve going at a very high rate of speed, and Nick came off going so fast she hit the ground rolling and popped right back up on her feet about 6' away from her horse but facing her. It was one of those falls that is far more emotionally damaging than physically. She had come so far so fast, and this, in her mind, just blew it all out of the water. So we rode together and talked and she worked through as much as she could emotionally. She hyperventilated when she started to canter again, and then she took her horse over in the corner and cried for a while, then tried again. We talked some more, and she understood what happened, and will now remember that when things start getting to the point where she's frustrated, she'll back off. She is desperate not to lose the ground she's covered in the last two weeks.
It was kind of a surreal weekend. Anyway.. food is pretty good, water is acceptable. I rode for over two hours yesterday, a large part of it at a posting trot, so my legs are trashed today. One day at a time..
Okay, first, as you can tell from my signature, I am down 5 pounds from last week's weigh in at home. Bad news, I am so out of control from my weekend eating! I reeled it back in today, but why do I keep doing this to myself on the weekends? I must have eaten 2 cups of guacamole yesterday for my meals with chips. Was it a good choice? Not nutritionally, but it sure tasted good at the time. I think I was a little stressed, as the hubby not being home hit me hard on Saturday. Plus, I have such a busy week scheduled this week, it's not even funny! I can't keep making excuses, though. This is my focus time while hubby is gone.
Now, I am not going to beat myself up any more than I already have. One thing that has not suffered is my exercise. I've really stepped it up the last two weeks. I'm working out about 1-1.5 hours a day. I'm very happy with that, and that could also explain the gain a little.
Sorry, had to rant and vent a little!
Raven: Got your email, and girl, all I want to say is I hope things work out for you exactly how you want them to. I understand everything, so I won't say anymore! Great job on talking your daughter down from the horse experience and that is wonderful news about Machine's horse! You are doing so well with your execise and weight loss! Such an inspiration to me! I started back on my Taebo this weekend. So, I am doing 30 minutes on Gazelle in the morning, two 15 minute power walks at work, then a bike ride or walk pulling my son in his wagon at night for about 30-60 minutes. We are doing so good with enjoying this Alaska Summer!
Happy: I'm so sorry to hear about your job, but so happy for you with the non-smoking! Sounds like a great vacation! I will keep you and your family in my prayers for the job situation!
Hippy: I'm sorry I didn't get back to your post earlier. I couldn't get on 3FC this weekend! I am at 17.6 pounds lost and it has taken me 9 weeks to do it so far. I am hoping to hit the 20 pound mark this week, but you can read from above that I'm struggling a little. My own fault, no one else's. Sorry to hear about your brother. Sounds very painful. My son had an operation at 3 months old to correct a double hernia and hydraseal problem. I guess it's more common than I thought it was. How is your smoking going?
Okay, I gotta scoot to lunch. Sorry for MIA. I will try to not let it happen again!
Day 2 of waking up to sunshine! I feel energetic and ready to go
Happy, I'm sorry to hear about your job but you are right, smoking won't fix it. So fill me in on how well the Zyban works. I'm ashamed to tell but I am smoking like a chimney I have to ask how you are handling the habit part. Not smoking didn't bother me alot craving wise. I just didn't know how to deal with the mental part. I tried replacing one habit with another but could not get to the point of the new habit doing me any good. Any suggestions?
Raven, I think it's great that all of you now have a horse!!!!! What a great family activity I bet your son feels like the "BIG GUY" now that he has his own!
Chach, down 5 pouds!! How wonderful!!! I can't help you on the issue of eating poorly on the weekend because as you well know I sabatoge myself on a regular basis Really, I know it isn't funny but I have not learned how to fix it.
I feel much better than I have for the past few weeks. I have been much happier and much more willing to do what's good for me. I have eaten well and have drank a ton of water daily. Today I am going to start some kind of walking program. Jordan likes to go for walks so I'm thinking on doing it in the afternoons when he gets home from school.
Location: A beautiful and peaceful place in the woods
Posts: 8,905
S/C/G: Stuck/Working on it/Good 2 Go
Height: Fun Size
Good morning chickies
Raven, you would just love one of my husband's cousins that we just visited. She trains young horses for a living along with giving lessons and all that fun stuff. A real, live cowgirl. She loves her career but as you can imagine you don't make doodle squat for money - you do it for the love of it. Her biggest worry is that if something big or catastrophic happened, she would is not in a financial position to handle it. But as we talked I so often thought of you and saw the excitement in her that you must feel yourself. Good luck in your new plans!
Chachee congrats on the loss this week (you too Raven). I kind of fell into that habit of eating good during the week and then kind of blowing it on the weekends. Started with my "treat meal" for Friday's dinner and slid through the weekend. It's something you have to be aware of and work very hard at not overdoing. You are doing great on the exercise. Just focus on your goal of a "remodeled" you when hubby returns back home again. And thank you for your prayers. I have a feeling this is a crossroads in my life.
Sassy, what a great post about the scale monster! I laughed so hard about the part where you say drinking 8 oz of water makes you gain 172 pounds on the scale - geez doesn't THAT seem to be the truth! Keep up the good work on eating, exercising and water and the rest will fall in line.
Hippy - as far as the Zyban goes... I think it does help to minimize the cravings - somewhat. Well... better than just using the patch or going cold turkey. You still get strong cravings but they don't seem to be as intense as going it alone. Honestly, I am finding it MUCH harder to stay quit now that I am back home. The only thing that is really keeping me going is the fact that I've been clean for 7 days now and I don't want to undo all that with one cigarette. Also, if I have just 1 I KNOW with absolute certainty that within 2 days I will be back to smoking on a regular basis again. I was debating about changing my quit date to when I got back home Monday or to tomorrow (I'd use my birthday today as an excuse for one last day of smoking) - boy how you just HATE to accept that first day of no smoking, right? Anyway, I told myself no, I just have to commit here so last Tuesday was the last day I smoked. And I'm glad I did it then because to tell you the truth, the cravings and triggers are so strong here at home, I'm not sure I could have kept up with it.
Today I am 50 years old - a milestone birthday that I was NOT looking forward to. I will lose the best job I ever had in a few months, be back pounding the pavement again (not looking forward to THAT) and I was looking at vacation pictures and seeing what a cow I have become. Teeny head on a huge body. Not exactly a banner day for me here.
And yes I want to smoke - my crutch for making it all seem better except that I know it won't help at all except to just make things seem worse. But as I once heard, every day you have a choice to make - either push on or lay down and die and I'm not ready for that yet
Hippy: Hopefully you and your son will start walking. I am really enjoying it, which I didn't ever think I would say. I have no tips for you on the smoking. I've never been a smoker, but my addiction manifests itself in the form of food, and I can't go with it, so I am trying to deal with it. Sorry, but I am sure you will be able to overcome it!
Happy: Okay, so now I am thinking of the "remodeled" version of myself. I know I need to not go by what the scales say, but I am struggling this week!
I will most likely be up about 3 pounds this week. I have been tripling my exercise, working out around 1-1.5 hours per day, and I did have a little bit of bad eating last weekend. Those things combined have made my scales jump up. I need to not get so worried about it, because since February 18th I've lost weight each week, except one week I stayed the same. I have done very well, and can't expect to continue to lose each week! It's still hard to not beat myself up over it, though.
Okay, enough bad thinking. I will check in later, and hope the scales come back down for me tomorrow!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR HAPPY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.
Also congrats on the non smoking. You are doing so well with that also. I sure hope that you had a great holiday. My mom is back also and she brought us all lots of great gifts.
You and my son share the same birthday. He is 13 today. Teenagers and toddlers what a great combination. I hope that you enjoyed your day.
Raven how is everything going for you? Are you ok? That will be so great for Machine to get his own horse. How come she is in for rescue or do they let you know the story on the horses that are in?
Chachee, how are you? I am so proud of you and how far you have come in the last 16 or so weeks! I have actually been thinking of looking into ww as I seem to need something more to help me focus!
Hippy how are things for you? That would be nice for you and Jordan to walk together. Kristi would like me to get 2 memberships to the indoor track that we have here so that the 2 of us can exercise together. It is really cheap about 10.00 a month. Sorry to read about your brother, but glad that he is ok.
Sassy you crack me up. Really. Think about writing a book so that I can take it to work and it could keep me going all day. Good to hear that your dog is taking you out for a couple of walks a day. We have been having such terrible weather here, hurricane like winds for the last week. I hope it clears up soon so that I can start walking the dog to work every morning.
Well I must run. The little guy came home from the babysitter today, and I found a lice in his hair. Now I can see you all sitting there starting to itch...So I am trying to wash all the bedding on everyones bed as he has not been limited to just his bed. And wash out his car seat, and all the other cleaning that goes with it. All the rest of us had our heads checked and at least he was the only one that had any. Poor little guy.
Happy Birthday Happy!!!!!! Sorry I'm a day late. How's the not smoking coming along? Staying strong? Send some of that determination my way PLEASE!!!!!
Lucky, Get out that razor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't realize that your kids are so far apart in age! I hand it to you! Gary wants another one but I can't imagine a teenager and a baby. I don't think I could do the night time feedings and all that comes with it. I tried to get pregnant a few times when Jordan was 2. It didn't happen so I just stopped trying but I'm okay with that. That lice is a mess to deal with isn't it? Jordan has never had it but a little boy that spent the night one night had it and I didn't know it until his mom called me. Takes alot of time and work to rid all of the sheets and pillows and so on of those little things.
Raven, How are you? Hanging in there I'm sure!
Today is our 14th anniversary. I got up this morning to find 14 roses and 14 notes strolled all over my house He knows my morning routine and every step I take so he had roses and notes at my every stop! He is so sweet!!!
I am still eating right and drinking water. Monday I plan to weigh and have a good feeling that I will see some sort of loss.
But I truly need to get off my lazy *** and do my pilates (I got my windsor DVD back from Rosa now that we have the PS2 again!) and then clean up the house a little, then go play with my horse (he has become a different animal entirely since I started following this method of training, it's so incredible, nearly brings me to tears!), and then Richard and I are going out to dinner tonight... hopefully to talk about some things in a non-confrontational, adult manner. It's sad but he needs to understand I will not give up on this dream now that I've found it again. I will not stop moving forward, I will make this happen. I will at LEAST get my 15 acres and have my 7 horses. That will be the start. I WILL get my JL certification, and maybe even become select. It may take me years to do it, but these are my goals. They are not "fantasies," they are goals, and I will NOT shove them aside for anyone again. 
Oops, I'm ranting again, aren't I. Off my 
now... sorry!! 
Food was on an odd schedule - we seemed to eat breakfast at a normal time but often had a late lunch and skipped dinner or had a very late dinner. Since we were doing lots of traveling by car, I did not drink near enough water. 
Stay strong! You can do it!
I have to ask how you are handling the habit part. Not smoking didn't bother me alot craving wise. I just didn't know how to deal with the mental part. I tried replacing one habit with another but could not get to the point of the new habit doing me any good. Any suggestions?
