I do the same thing. I believe it is a form of insanity, at least thats what I am classifying it as. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I am motivated for months and then out of the blue get tired of working out/eating right/fill in the blank, and then I self destruct.
Since I have been posting here I am able to recognize bad habits and point out when I start going into sabotage mode. The support here is great.
I guess the point of my reply is, you are not alone!
You aren't alone. I've been self sabotaging for the last month. I was 285 in April, now I'm back to about 293-296ish. I think for people with 50+ lbs to lose, it's bound to happen at least once. I have a wedding in August so I don't feel like I have a whole lot of time to be doing the yo yo dance especially when I don't want to pay to get my dress taken UP a size!! I even stepped on the scale midday after a meal (why oh why) and saw that dreaded "3" starting my weight!!!!!!!!!! It is frustrating when I can start out so good in the morning, and then by the end of the day I'm eating cheez its and enjoying a sugar filled daquiri with my fiance - I don't even really WANT to - I just do. For me when I lived alone I had good willpower at the grocery store, which was all I needed, but now that I shop for someone else too who eats and snacks all the time it is definitely hard especially since I no longer have my old school/work routine. Stay strong. Try to take some time to review why you want to lose weight - how good you'll look in old jeans and how nice it will be to go clothes shopping, and how great it feels to break past fitness barriers and feel physically fit. There are hundreds of people on here to attest how good it is to get over the sabotage and be proud to move forward How about you take it 2 days at a time? That's what I've been trying to do. I can do anything for just one day, and my goal is to do it again tomorrow.
I know what you mean... I have self sabatoged as well. Over the last couple of weeks a have put on 3 pounds. I had a break up and now cant stop binge eating and when I am binge eating I tell myself its okay because tomorrow I get back on track and this will be it. Then tomorrow rolls around and I repeat the process. I feel ashamed and out of control. Its scary... I mean if I cant even stop over eating I must be to weak to lose the weight I need to to be healthy. The sad part is if I were healthy I would be strong enought to stop over eating... its a vicious cycle.
You are not alone.
Most of us do it for one reason or another. I read Dr. Phil's Weight Loss Solution Book a few yrs ago. I actually think he is one of the most obnoxious ppl, but it shed some light on why I sabatage myself. I know how to lose, I know how to eat right and exercise, but I still do it.
I didn't realize that I had a horrible relationship with food since I was a child. I used to eat in secret when I was hungry so my mom wouldn't yell at me and tell me I'd get fat. It started compulsive behavior (restrictive dieting, pills abuse, binging) that I never really shook. Then I would get depressed and gain and start it all over again. The only thing was, once I had children I didn't go into extreme dieting mode.
U have to find the WHY. When u can start to decode that, then you can truly change your behavior. Good luck. We're all here for you.
Because you can't just change your diet to lose weight- you have to change your attitude. Gradually, you change your perspective on yourself and how you feel about what you're capable of. If you look at this challenge as "I just can't do this," then you will probably be right.
Sabotaging indicates an end... this doesn't end. You can still turn it around, just look in the mirror and convince yourself that YOU ARE WORTH IT. You are worth the hard work and the dedication and time to do this. You can do it.
I did exactly this earlier in the year. Plateaued all to **** and back and then got lazy. I'm just now trying to claw my way back onto the so-called "wagon" and I already screwed up tonight. Oh well, "one day at a time" as they say and all that scruff.
"I believe in you. I believe in your authenticity, your uniqueness, your intensity, your wildness. I love your restlessness and your hunger. You possess the energy that, if unleashed, could transform, inspire and heal the world." - Eve Ensler
I do this all the time. I think it's easy for me to blame things that are wrong in my life on my weight. And while I'd like to fix those things, there's a part of me that's scared that even if I make the cosmetic changes (and the lifestyle changes that are necessary to do that) my life won't just all fall into place. So I keep the weight so I can blame it. I'm trying to break that cycle now. That's what we're all here for, right?
I stopped using the "s" word, not only for myself but for others too.
When I thought of it as sabotage, it made me feel paranoid. I felt like a victim. For some reason people were trying to vicitmize me, or I was trying to victimize myself. It made me think that "for some reason, I (Or he or she) doesn't wan't me to succeed."
Now, I just attribute it to change being hard, and habits being hard to break. I cut myself and everyone else some slack. Slack in the motivation, not in my response to it. Just because change is hard, doesn't mean that I'm not going to work at it, or remind my husband (or anyone else) who forgets and unwittingly tempts or discourages me.
I don't think I've got some deep, dark desire to fail, I just find change difficult, because change is difficult. It just means I pick myself up and keep going.
I do have to be especially conscious though of "failing just for the sake of tradition." We've been "taught" certain dieting behaviors that are extremely unproductive, but everyone does them. And more than anything we do it, because it's the autopilot setting. We're so used to doing it, that it takes a lot of conscious effort to change the pattern.
For me it was very hard to learn not to binge after a small off-plan bite. Any off-plan eating would inspire me to think "I blew it, I might as well gorge myself and start fresh tomorrow." It was a stupid behavior - but it is sort of dieting tradition. It's the way most folk do it, and we all know it. That's just the way dieting "is done." Learning to do differenlty is especially hard when you've not had a lot of role models who've done differently (everyone says it's stupid, and yet everyone does it anyway).
It's all about learning, and learning isn't always simple or easy. I don't think you have to attribute any more complex motives than that. Change is tough, keep trying.
For me, it really helped to avoid using the label sabotage, because when I thought of it as sabotage, I also gave it more power to control my behavior (it wasn't my fault, I was sabotaged - even if I was the saboteur).
My Etsy shop (currently closed for the summer)
Start by stopping calling it this, like you have some kind of mental problem. It's normal to eat more than we need or not want to exercise. Beating yourself up as though you are doing it on purpose is just adding stress to the difficult, difficult process of losing weight.