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Old 03-16-2011, 09:49 AM   #1
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Unhappy Food Addicts

Hello, my name is Cat, and I am a food addict.

I have gained and lost and gained again 90 pounds over the last 6 years. I need to lose this weight but I have to come to terms with my food addiction first.

I eat when I am upset, bored, happy, sad, up, down, you name it - all life events are somehow connected to food. HELP! I have to stop this cycle. I am 42 years old now. I am also a former bullemic. At 5'7", I used to weigh 135 pounds. I now weigh 212 . My ideal weight is 145-150. Can anyone relate to my situation?

I am trying to lose the weight this time by calorie counting, not a restrictive "diet" which I can never stay on.
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Old 03-16-2011, 10:19 AM   #2
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Oh Catmandu, I can SO relate to you! That is me, in a nutshell. Food is not a means to survival for me, it's an actual activity. Bored? eat. Sad? Eat. Lonely? Eat. Feeling ANYTHING? Eat. The only time I DON"T think about eating is when I"m asleep and then I either a. Dream about eating or b. Dream about being so fat that I die.

It's a battle that I am fighting right along side of you and though I have NO words of wisdom I thought you should know that you are NOT alone. I'll be checking back to see if anyone here has any ideas because I'll be following them as well!

Hang in there my friend!

Currently eating a banana but WANTING the cookies,
Jennifer
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Old 03-16-2011, 01:16 PM   #3
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Thanks Jennifer!

Funny you were eating a banana - so was I - but I wanted some hot grits with sugar...

I got myself a whole wheat turkey wrap for lunch - good right ? NOT. Well, not if you have chips with it which I did ( It's almost like I can't stop myself and then I feel incredibly guilty.

Ever sit in one room thinking about nothing more than the food in the next room? I have and it's sad when I admit it. I was the same way at 135lbs, but I was also binging and purging back then.

I hope some more people can relate and offer some advice and insight...
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Old 03-16-2011, 01:51 PM   #4
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I get you about the bulimia and about thinking about food all of the time. With my bulimia I really had created a secretive life around it. On the outside I was outgoing and I managed to hide my issues, but I rarely invited anybody to my home or had diet or food related conversations with anyone. That part of my life was very hidden.
I think that the bulimia started as food and weight issues and it became increasingly about control or lack of control in other parts of my life. Once I learned that about myself, I could kind of deal with it easier.
I don't think I'm obsessed with it now, but I certainly put more thought into food and eating than I should.
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Old 03-17-2011, 09:02 AM   #5
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That's also my issue, food should not dominate my thoughts, it just shouldn't. I am not binging and purging any more, I haven't in over 15 years thank God. I am trying to get control over my weight and I can't seem to muster up the will power to get the job done. My husband also has weight to lose and his doctor recommended sugar busters diet. I don't know much about it but I am going to start it with him on Monday. He ordered the book and it should arrive tomorrow - wish me luck! I want to be strong and healthy again. At 212lbs, I feel like a pile of mush.
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Old 03-17-2011, 09:18 AM   #6
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I am not a food addict per se... but My DD was on a restrictive diet for her behavior for a LONG time... which meant I was always looking at labels, planning, checking her book, thinking about what we can eat etc etc etc... which lead me to be thinking about food ALL THE TIME! If we could have it on this diet... then it had to be healthy right? WRONG! and since 2004 I packed on the pounds and then along came Thyroiditis.... hence I have gained since 2004 ~ a whopping 20 pounds! now I want to lose some of it but thinking about "healthy foods" always brings me back to "healthy(fg) foods" I would love someone to re-wire my brain! For my brain to realize that just because it's from scratch or it is in the book - doesn't mean that I can eat it when I want and how much I want.... there has to be limitations! Ekkkk you struck a cord with me
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Old 03-17-2011, 05:25 PM   #7
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Thanks for sharing Kim. I hope we can all conquer this beast and reach our goal weights.
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Old 03-18-2011, 10:56 PM   #8
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In the last 10 years my weight has gone from the 120s up to to 165-170 lbs, then down to 138, then up to 190. I had gone from 165 to 138 by counting calories and exercising. I stayed under 1800 calories a day. I kept track of my calories with either an online tracker or a pen, calculator, and scrap paper. I felt really motivated to keep my calories under 1800 every day. But eventually that didn't motivate me at all anymore and it didn't faze me to see that I had eaten 3000+ calories in a day. I didn't feel guilty. I felt free.

I wish I had advice. I don't know what to do. I just wanted to say I can relate to nonstop eating and large weight fluctuations.

I'm posting here on 3FC for the first time in 3 years. Last time I posted, my S/C/G weights were 165+/145-150/125. I just had to change it to 190/190/125.

I really enjoy free, unrestricted and unlimited eating. But I want to lose weight and wear my old clothes. And I don't want diabetes like some of my family members. I want to be a healthy weight. But I want to eat. And eat. And eat.
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Old 03-22-2011, 12:00 PM   #9
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I've been addicted to food for decades. I am powerless over food. Once I take my first compulsive bite, I cannot stop until everything is gone. Gone from the plate, and gone from the pantry and fridge. I know your pain and frustration because I live it.

Overeaters Anonymous is something I've been looking into lately. I'm just at the tip of the iceberg as far as understanding the program, but thus far it has really moved me, given some days where I haven't obsessed about food, haven't felf deprived because of it, and felt light as a feather once I admitted I could no longer battle the disease of compulsive overeating by myself.

In my understanding of it, OA basically believes that people addicted to food who eat compusively, wrecklessly, and uncontrolably, feel and act the same as an alcoholic or a heroin addict. One drink (bite) is too many, a thousand is never enough. Willpower is not the issue, they simply don't have a choice. They are powerless over food. It's all they think about morning, noon and night. Is this you? If so, look into OA. There is a lot of information and blog sites on the internet, even right here on 3fc, from people "working the program". One of my favorites that convinced me that OA is the path I need to follow is: diaryofamadovereater.blogspot.com. I went all the way back, many years, and read every entry of this man's diary. I could have written it myself, and that made my cry. It also gave me hope because this man now lives a life where he actually doesn't think about his weight anymore (if memory serves, he's lost more than 100 pounds) and food no longer has any power over him. He actually eats like a normal person! He can stop when he's full! OA is not a diet, it's what he (and I) turned to after trying everything else. And I mean everything.

Best Wishes. Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.



I pray that, one day, we will both live in peace too. Good luck.
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Old 03-23-2011, 01:57 PM   #10
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Yup and my problem is I'm addicted to stuff that I really should not have, not just because of weight gain, but because I'm a diabetic. Seems like when someone tells you, "Don't eat that!" Then you want it just that much more.

My overeating started when I was a child after my parents divorced and especially once I was old enough to stay home alone. I got bored, so food became my friend and something to do.

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Old 03-25-2011, 01:33 PM   #11
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Wow thanks for sharing everyone.

One of the things I find myself doing is "secret eating" (when no one is looking as if somehow it doesn't count???) and this makes me feel so guilty. Do any of you do this?
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Old 03-26-2011, 10:16 PM   #12
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As far as secret eating, I have done something like that at work too many times. I've made sure no one saw me taking that 4th slice of cake, that 2nd 500-calorie muffin, or that 3rd doughnut.

After I was seen taking 1 or 2 I didn't want to be seen taking more because I was embarrassed.

When I have gone to get that extra food and someone else was around, I pretended like I was just getting water, then later I went back and get what I really went in for.

When treats like that have been in the office I just haven't wanted whatever healthy snack I brought from home.
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Old 03-28-2011, 09:22 AM   #13
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Ugh, me too GreenT. I guess that should be a signal to me, if I am too embarrassed to take the portion of food, I shouldn't take it... Sigh. I cleaned house over the weekend of all of the "bad foods" and went shopping to buy only "good" foods. Lean, grass fed meats, organic fruits, nuts and veg's and some sugar free treats. I hope to report back here in a couple of weeks that I feel good and that I have lost some weight. I decided to step up the exercise by walking 20 minutes a day and doing 50 crunches and 25 leg lifts.
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Old 03-29-2011, 03:45 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catmandu View Post
Wow thanks for sharing everyone.

One of the things I find myself doing is "secret eating" (when no one is looking as if somehow it doesn't count???) and this makes me feel so guilty. Do any of you do this?
YES!!! This is what I do. I eat most of the "bad foods" when alone. And like you I feel very guilty.

Dexter is going to deploy soon and I'm wondering if my "bad eating" habits will increase when that happens. Last deployment it didn't, but he wasn't living with me-- and I lived alone. But seeing as I am at home on disability and am alone most of the time, I wonder what will happen when no one is coming home every day.
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Old 03-30-2011, 10:43 AM   #15
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Martina, we can do this. I am glad to know I am not alone and that other people feel like I do and sometimes act the same. I have similar goals in terms of weight but since I am almost 6 inches taller than you I am teetering between a 12 and a 14 (sometimes I wear 16's if they are dress pants) My current weight is 208 andmu goal is 140.

About 6 years ago I reached my goal weight after losing 90 pounds over the course of 12 months. I felt and looked great and was able to do so much more.

I want to be that person again. I don't want to be "obese" and I too want more than anything to be happy and healthy.
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