My birthday came and went. I gave myself a few free days to enjoy the celebration and my days turned into a week and a half.
However, I did not enjoy a few treats, I went full on eat everything in site mode. While I walked the line close to binge eating- I can look back and say that I did not eat a obscene volume of food, just all the food I know to be bad.
And so that brings me to the know. I know all the methodology. I know the facts. I know the nutritional value. I even know what feels good and bad.
What the heck was I thinking?
This demon I have with food is bigger than my brain. It is bigger than my motivation, my want to be thin. What do I do? Do I go to therapy? Is there some underlying dark shadow I need to understand and solve?
Are we all resigned to be people who carefully monitor our intake our whole lives? I thought that at some point, I would stop wanting all this food. I thought at some point, I would think like a thin person.
I am still a fat person, thinking like a shrinking fat person- and giving the chance, the allowance I act on it and eat McDonalds.
Now, I feel like I have failed again. I am back on track- and I know that one step to success will be not letting a distraction keep me from long term weight loss, but boy, it sucks. I feel kind of doomed. Why didn't I just enjoy one treat and move on?
Just coming back to the forum felt like going to my own personal detention. (No offense because you are all fantastic and very un-matronly
So, how do you do it? Do you really lose your obsession with food? Do you eventually develop the attitude of "eat to live", not "live to eat"?
Thanks for listening to my very long post.
-Joanne 4lbs heavier