I guess I am kind of having a minor mental crisis in regards to weightloss. I think I always manage to do this to myself somehow, and that's how I always meet my demise. I was hoping maybe you guys could give me some direction or ideas, so that I can learn how to get past this and just keep going.
For my whole life, I have been overweight to some degree... I was pudgy in 3rd grade, VERY overweight by 5th and 6th grade, and by 8th I had done my final growth spurt and from then until 11th grade I was my leanest. But, even at 135 (my lowest weight in my adult body) I had more grown into the weight than worked for it, so I was very "skinny fat" where I looked much heavier than I was because I hadn't toned or exercised at all. Then, as I headed into my senior year in high school, it was all uphill from then, and by the time I had started this weight loss journey of mine I had gained 32 pounds.
With eating right and going to the gym every day, I am starting to see some very promising results. My body shape is changing, I feel healthier and better about myself... all that good stuff that comes with losing weight. However, I am having a hard time believing that I can actually do this- that I can actually attain the body I have always wanted. I think there's a few different factors that contribute to this:
1. I have never been thin. I can't imagine my body not being overweight. I pull back skin and I suck in my stomach and do all sorts of crazy things to try and envision it, and all I can think to myself is: that's not me, that's someone ele's body. Mine can't look like that.
2. My family has always told me, in one form or another, that I should not be thin. My mom freaks out every time I start losing weight, because I guess when she was younger, she lost a lot of weight an made herself sick. So, she's convinced I am going to do the same thing, and tries to kind of talk me out of losing weight. My dad told me not that long ago that I am married now, so I am supposed to get fat like all the other married people. And my Uncle has almost forced food down my throat telling me "You can't be full already! Our family is not full of skinny people. That's just who we are. Eat more... here, have some potato chips..." Even my husband, who has seem me at my lowest weight of 135, told me that I shouldn't try to be lower than 135 because I'll set myself up for disappointment.
3. I'm scared of having a nice body. I know this sounds rediculous... but I have always managed to kind of blend into the background. I was never the "pretty one" or the "one with the hot body"- I was easily forgettable. Guys never liked me or hit on me, and girls were never jealous of me because I was just kind of "there". But I have seen how girls with beautiful bodies are treated and how the world perceives them... and I am not really sure how to step into a role that is so different than what I am used to. I already perceived a little jealousy from one of my best friends when I told her I wanted to lose weight... she said that in losing weight, I was trying to look like a "slut".
I know these are silly reasons to be apprehensive, but I guess I can't help it. I really want to have a body worth looking at... I want to smile when I see myself naked in the mirror, instead of cry or poke or pinch my flabby parts. I want to be healthy and happy and more active. But I have a hard time believing that I can really actually get there. Does anyone here have major mental blocks like this? How do you get past them and learn how to believe that it really is possible?