has anyone received negative feedback over weight loss?
Hi folks!hope everyone is having a nice evening. i know this is a success board, and it should be all happy posts, but i am having a problem that i never anticipated when starting my new "healthier me" lifestyle. i have never been a really large person, but over the years i had put on some extra pounds. when i began out growing my size 10 clothing i decided i needed to change some things. so in short i have shed 24 pounds and am now in a size 6 pants/size 8 dress. i am very proud of myself, and most of the people i know are very happy and supportive of me. everyone that is, except someone that was very close to me that i considered a good friend. she has not once acknowleged that i have lost even one pound, and that is fine, but she really has pulled away from me, like we have become polite aquaintances over night. i am really trying not to let this bother me, but it hurts. if another coworker comes to me and compliments me even slightly, it is uncomfortable, because she will just ignore me completely. i am not running around talking about my weightloss constantly, but it almost makes me feel guilty about it if it comes up in front of her. has anyone else gone thru this?
I call that the 'crab-bucket' syndrome. (actually I got that from Michael Fumento who discusses it in his book Fat of the Land. Basically this is the phenomenon where if you have a mess of crabs in a bucket and one tries to escape, the others do whatever they can to pull him back down.
Happens all the time. When I was on my way down, I got comments like "you look good NOW. You should stop losing weight - you don't want to get TOO thin!" The thing was - at the point I was getting those comments, I was still in the 180's. (I'm 5'4" BTW).
You've just got to let it slide, basically. I hate to use the word JEALOUSY, but the majority of the time, that's what it is. Meg (our moderator at Maintainers) has remarked in the past that she lost several friends after she started losing weight - I believe they were all fat and couldn't handle her weight loss. I went through the same thing myself. It's not a fun thing, because I wanted to be able to INSPIRE them and let them know that THEY could do this too. But you've got to rise above it, and think of your health first.
As a matter of fact, I was reading the messageboards at the Dr. Phil website - on Monday they had the Teen Weight Loss Challenge update. One teenage girl who started at somewhere above 300 pounds got Jay McGraw's book (the teen version of the Ultimate Weight Solution - I've GOT to read that) and was inspired to change her life:
Quote:
Sixteen-year-old Caitlin has lost 45 pounds in a month and a half by mastering Jay's seven keys.
"The shocking thing to most people about my weight loss is that I'm not on any diet pill, I'm not starving myself, and I didn't have gastric bypass surgery," she says. "I'm doing it all with the motivation of myself, with the help of Jay and Dr. Phil.
None of the seven keys was even that difficult for her, she says. She's doing 90 minutes of cardiovascular exercise every day, and has changed her diet to include high-response cost, high-yield foods.
This is TOTALLY awesome - and yet, upon reading the messageboard, I found two messages regarding this young lady saying that she was in danger of becoming anorexic and that she was doing TOO MUCH exercise...ahem. When you weigh over 300 pounds, if you get serious and change your diet and exercise habits, it's really not unusual for those who have so much fat to lose 5 pounds a week (and the first couple of weeks, even more since that's generally water weight!).
Anyway...be proud of YOURSELF. Don't mention it to your friends and co-workers if it makes them uncomfortable - but be aware that they might try (subconciously) to sabotage you by offering you tempting junk food or something. Stay strong and lift your head high - believe me, nothing tastes as good as being healthy and fit feels!
Who knows, maybe one day they'll ask YOU for advice!
Yes, indeed, and I've got a thread here on the "Success" area on it. Some people just can't handle other people's changes, for various reasons. Sometimes, it's envy, jealousy, competition-- sometimes they act as if you have done something to betray them. It can't be helped, it's their head, they'll either deal with it or they won't. But since I wrote that post, the women who were nasty to me have pretty much turned around. I think they got the message that I wasn't going to change back to the way I was, so they just got used to it. Please try not to feel guilty, or bad. You've done something wonderful for yourself, don't let other people's neurotic reactions get to you. Just give it time, she'll either come around or she won't, and either way the problem will resolve itself.
I don't have the crab buckets, but what i have that bugs me is my hubby has made "fat" comments to me in the past and since last christmas i have dropped a total of 50ish pounds, not a word. my whole life has changed for the healthier and it as if he is oblivious. now i don't, didn't do it for his approval. but a good going honey or you look nice would be much appreciated.
You know what is worse and I really hate this. I have this girl who acts like there is something wrong with me because I can work my program and I am finding joy, hope, and recovery. Like she is superior because she is still free to abuse food and its not the first time, my weakness is sweets and she went on and on one time about how she was so happy that sweets didn't haunt her. She makes me feel bad, and I don't want to dislike her, I want to love her just as she is and pray for her own recovery but she is so hurting my feelings. I consider the weightloss just a bonus to finally treating myself with the love and care we all deserve. And yes, I have already heard from a couple of people that I have probably lost enough. I am 5'8 and in the 170's I think God and my body will know when enough is enough.
I hope this makes sense. I just needed to get my hurt out.
Miss Chris
It's just a question of not being to cope with someone else's success, or plainly: jealousy lor feeling bad about YOUR self then acting it out one someone else... I am human, so I admit I have been on both sides (but made my choice).
Don't bother with it and move on, girl!
I went through this, I lost 20 pounds and my friend just disappeared. after which I got depressed and stopped dieting. I'm just getting back to it now, after almost a year. Luckily I've only gained 2 pounds.
She said she didn't want to hang out anymore because I made her feel bad about herself.
Just shut your ears to those naysayers and be proud of yourself! It would be great to have the support of your friends but unfortunately some of them can be very negative and competetive.
Isn't this just sooo frutrating?
I can not stand people who do this! I had a friend who kept telling me I was startimng to look sickly skinny at a size 8 (she was a size 4) I think she didn't want the competition, we were both single and on the prowl at the time
This time, 3 babies later I am on my way back down ane have the occasional sabboteur (is that even a word?) who will say "Oh please, one cookie, piece of pizza cake etc.. won;t ruin your diet."
My husband finally said something about my weightloss. i have lost 16 pounds and he looked at me all proud and said "You have lost a lot of weight in your face, you look better."
BETTER????? What did I look like before????
Jenn
Location: on a beautiful island Pacific north west
Posts: 128
women with low self esteem are the ones who usually have a problem dealing with people who are seamingly doing better than them.
I don't have time for their problems....
I was told I should stop at 210lbs by a friend and well I contemplated her advice and kept losing. She's actually still my friend and is cool about my body size now, but while I was losing she did act a little strange. Give you friend time, if she's your true friend she'll come back.
The statement I ABSOLUTELY hate in regards to my weightloss is "You might gain it back, 95% of all people do" I've kept most of it off for 3 years now (I have been struggling with maintanence I admit, but I am a size 8 right now instead of my ideal size 6, but am working at it)
Location: In Maryland, right next to Washington, DC
Posts: 105
Hey there, JJules! It's almost a month later, but are things going any better for you?
Like a lot of people here have already told you, you've nothing to be guilty for/ashamed of about your weight loss. It sounds like you did it the healthy way and GOOD FOR YOU!!!! Your "friend" has her own bad head trip going on and that's her problem to solve, not yours.
There all kinds of people passing though our lives. You need to be careful about who you hang with. A friend who isn't supportive of the positive changes you've mad in your life is no friend! Time to let them go. You are not obligated to hang out with people who treat you badly in any way -- no matter who they are.
It doesn't look like Jjules has posted anything since starting this thread.....hmmmmmmmm
In my own experience, I've gotten a whole range of reactions from people. My dad somehow thinks I'm a better person now. My mom thinks I'm going to be anorexic. I've been told I'm nicer, I'm happier, I'm smarter (???). I've also been told that I'm stuck up, that I think I'm better than everyone now, and that I'm just killing myself.
So I'm ignoring everyone and doing my thing, my way until I get to where I'm comfortable in my skin. Who cares what everyone else says?
Not like I have achieved much yet but whenever I try and eat healthily I do find that anyone bigger than me takes it as a personal insult! Luckily everyone at uni seems to be a stick and mad keen on sport (urgh). I guess that people don't want to admit that there's something wrong with them and that's why skinny people get teased. Still it's no excuse for them to say "I eat anything I like but stay this thin" (this means I don't like to eat!!). It's certainly worse to be bitter towards someone who has worked hard to lose the weight.
It's not always jealousy, or competition. Sometimes it's simply that people don't like change. So, when you change, you don't fit in their universe the way you used to, and people don't like that though they may not even be aware of their feelings. The other thing that can happen when you lose weight is that your new behaviors don't fit in with their behaviors. They may not even feel bad that you're able to eat healthy and they're not; but, because your behavior is now different, you seem foreign to them. You are "no fun any more" because your previous social activities revolved around food and sitting around. Alcoholics go through the same thing in recovery -- their drinking buddies don't like them any more, not necessarily because the buddies are unreformed alcoholics themselves, but because they aren't the same person the buddies first got to know.
has anyone received negative feedback over weight loss?
Yeah this happens.
I consider the weightloss just a bonus to finally treating myself with the love and care we all deserve. And yes, I have already heard from a couple of people that I have probably lost enough. I am 5'8 and in the 170's I think God and my body will know when enough is enough. 
