I hear you, hon! I'm there too.
It's a hard road, but HUGE kudos to you for being brave enough to voice your feelings and at least know where you stand!!!
Being good to yourself, being healthy, and losing this weight (YAY, CA!!!
) is the best way you can be truly yourself. And when you are truly yourself, you attract the kind of people whom you will really want in your life--the ones that enhance your happiness.
It'll happen, hon...it really will.
In the meantime, keep working on being good to you...do the things that help you cope without hurting yourself...get a massage, go for long walks, weep on the phone to your friends (or even better, have them come over for tea, hugs, and long cozy chats!), journal, rent sappy love movies, do craft projects, take long bubble baths, read sappy romance novels, etc. Just find ways that help you rather than harm you (like DQ! Yikes!
I hear you on that one...I swear it whispers our names!
You'll get through it, hon.