BornConfuzed, sounds like you need a
I was just telling a dear friend of mine who's dealing with frustration at her ability to start watching what she eats and exercising that the worst thing you can do to yourself (in terms of preventing success at getting healthy) is to berate and beat yourself up. So stop, okay?
You're a beautiful, intelligent woman who can do anything she puts her mind to. When you're ready, really
ready, to lose this weight, it'll fly off. I promise.
It all goes back to Sandi's sig quote: If you want it, you'll find a way, if you don't, you'll find an excuse. You're finding excuses, therefore you don't really want to lose the weight! Think about why that is. What is it doing for you? Why do you feel conflicted? I think sometimes we have to admit to ourselves that we have a reason for sabotaging our diets and exercise plans and that's when healing begins and we can finally follow our hearts in doing what we deserve...to eat healthy and feel healthy!
You might find journaling helpful...you can journal here on 3FC: Journals
People respond to what you post and it can be so helpful to hear that you're not alone in how you feel.
It takes all of us time to get to the point where we can really be committed to what we are doing. If that weren't true, there'd be a ton of teenagers on this site and no one would be older than 20 or so, right?
That's hardly the case. It takes time for us to realize our own worth and what we really, truly want from life. You're on the way there and your frustration and anger will help fuel that fire. Just direct it in the right way...towards your habits and changing them, not towards yourself personally. You're human, just like all of us.
But like so many of us, you can do what's right for you...and when you're really ready and really want it, you will. That's a promise.