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Old 02-01-2006, 04:54 PM   #1
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Default Ashamed to admit...

I am starting over at PI for the 500th time tomorrow. Since the first I have been living on chocolate and goodies and have managed to get to an all time high of 290. Managed to drop 1.5 of that.

My family is no help with all of their constantly putting things in front of me that I am not supposed to eat. I am thinking this time I will just ask them not to fix any foods for me. I will do my own. I don't know what else to do. One week into this my mom will bring me breakfast cookies which still have starch, they are healthier than regular cookies and might be okay for P2 but...then the dil is always bringing sweets over or to work. DH just doesn't get it all the time either, he will bring me lobster fettucini just a smaller portion and think that is okay. So I know they aren't stuffing it into my mouth, I am, however, it does make it that much harder and I am a people pleaser so I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. God forbid that I stop hurting myself.

I am afraid if I don't do it this time that I never will and that I will be unhealthy and fat until I finish killing myself with food. Please say a prayer for me.

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Old 02-01-2006, 04:58 PM   #2
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Bunna, don't be too hard on yourself! I'll definitely pray for you and I know you can do it this time! Good luck!
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Old 02-01-2006, 05:03 PM   #3
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You can do it Bunna..We are here for you. ((HUGS))

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Every bite of sugar puts one more dimple on my @$$!!
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Old 02-01-2006, 06:18 PM   #4
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Bunna! Hugs honey! Hmm maybe it's time to have a heart to heart with your loved ones about them unknowingly enabling your diet destructions... Maybe some books will also help you ? We'll support you anyway we can..
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Old 02-01-2006, 07:30 PM   #5
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My heart goes out to you. I recognized some of the pain and frustration from how I was just before I got started this time. Use your disgust with your family for undermining you and with yourself for past failures (I too have stopped and started ad nauseum) and channel it toward success for YOU. Just try to change one thing week one....like saying no to food you didn't choose to put in front of you. I actually practice mentally how I will say no. Wow thanks, but I just finished eating, so I will enjoy this later (then give it away). Nothing to be ashamed of...we all go through periods of motivation and periods of weakness, the real test is in how fast you turn it back around and do what you know is BEST for YOU. Believe in yourself...make your decision to succeed...practice succeeding in your mind...you will do it!

Failure is not an option, just a nagging possibility that helps me to stay focused. FocusedThisTime
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Old 02-01-2006, 08:57 PM   #6
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You need to file for a separation....a food separation that is! My advice is to get very, very organized...plan out and prepare your meals and snacks at least one day in advance, have pantry and freezer alternatives too, and calmly tell your family that you are sticking to a plan that doesn't include lobster fettuccini etc!! Eat before they do if at all necessary, then have gum, tea, do your nails, wash your hair, do whatever you can think of to signal to them and you that you're DONE! Every day that you succeed in doing this, your cravings will decrease and your energy and will power will increase. It's hard losing weight -- but it's harder being fat, IMO. I have gotten a bit off track with out of town guests but didn't do any major damage & it actually feels good to be back on the wagon!
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Old 02-01-2006, 09:05 PM   #7
just a few more...
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hey Bunna!!

everything they've said is true, you can do it this time and we're all here to help! Hopefully your success will help your family decide to join you! Welcome!

I will not surrender. I will not turn against myself when things get tough. I will never show weakness on the outside. The tougher and tighter the situation the more I will love it.
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Old 02-01-2006, 09:31 PM   #8
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Sounds like you need to have a heart-to-heart with your family. I'm sure they'd happily support you, if they understood how to do so. Good luck to you!

Long-term goal - to keep up with my toddler!

Walls for the wind,
And a roof for the rain,
And drinks beside the fire -
Laughter to cheer you
And those you love near you,
And all that your heart may desire!
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Old 02-02-2006, 12:14 AM   #9
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Hey I'm behind you too! I'm new to this whole game - and I have not tried to do ANYTHING about my weight in a loooong time. And my family is a lot like yours. This time I had to get them on board with me - and drop any embarassment to admit I was on a diet. It was like I did not want to say that out loud because that made me have to deal with everyone knowing I was trying to lose weight - and then they know if I ended up failing. BUT - this time - I told EVERYONE - all my skinny friends - lol - and all my family - and when my buddies call and say do you want to go to Burger King and let the kids play in the play area I say "NOOOOOOOOOOO - hello I'm DOING SOUTH BEACH!!!" !!! So - maybe you could try that tactic - anytime someone even speaks food to you put your hand up and go "Hello - I'm doing SOUTH BEACH!!" -

I have also explained to my friends and family that South Beach is about much more than just losing weight. It's a healthy way of eating - rules of nutrition that everyone should follow - regardless of their size.

Good luck!!! I know we can do it!

Current weight - 308 - starting the process for WLS!
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Old 02-02-2006, 12:21 AM   #10
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Ditto on all the great advice given so far--put yourself first for once!

The family heart-to-heart has to be done...and more likely than not, they don't even realize that they're hurting your progress. The healthier cookies and smaller portions sound like a misguided attempt to be supportive...you've just gotta say that *no* cookies is the way to be supportive....and that they need to be supportive in ways that do not involve food, since that's probably how part of the problem started in the first place! If doing it face to face is too hard, write them a letter....include a lot of what you said in your post, that you're so afraid of hurting others that you're hurting yourself. Whichever way you pick, give them concrete examples of what's not helping, and concrete examples what they can do or say to help you. ****, give your mom and DH and others copies of the Foods to Avoid and Foods to Enjoy lists! Good luck!
Re-restart 2/13: 225lb

Curvy 'n' fit is the goal...
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Old 02-02-2006, 10:03 AM   #11
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I can relate. My DH just wants to see me happy and he will always bring home treats too. I think he does this more frequently when I am dieting as well (maybe it just sounds that way) Does your family know how truly unhappy you are? If not you should tell them. Let them know that your weight can take years off your life. While you love them to death and appreciate so much that they want you to be happy. But if they truly want you to happy and finish out your years to a ripe old age they will need to be more supportive of you dieting and by bringing you treats they are actuallly being destructive. Please keep us posted. Also maybe just once refuse to eat what they bring you. I know I myself am also a people pleaser, but sometimes you have to think about yourself. I bet you one time of bringing home lobster fettucine alfredo and you not eating it would do the trick with DH. Maybe send those cookies Mom brings you to DIL. Just some ideas...

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