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Old 08-23-2005, 09:56 AM   #1
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Default I've noticed something strange...

I'm not sure how to explain this...the last couple weeks I've started to wear clothes that fit me instead of my old size 16 and xl tops. It seems that I get different reactions from people. At first I thougth I was being silly but now I'm not sure.

Guys are being more friendly at the store and such, now is that because I look better or because I feel better and that changes the way I act?

Women, especially larger and older, are getting snottier and meaner. When I was frumpy and larger, nobody cut in front of me to get on the bus but as I've lost the weight, heavier women think nothing of butting in line in front of me. And I really mean butting in line, literally shoving me out of the way. I tried saying, "excuse me," but that doens't work with these people because they turn around with this evil look and say "You're excused" and then laugh with their friends.

This women this morning said something really not nice, I just smiled and said, "Yes, Ma'am, thank you for pointing it out to me." I figure it's too nice a of a day and I feel and look too good for one mean person to ruin my day. And besides, what better way to make a woman feel old then to call her Ma'am.

Has anyone else noticed differences either in your behavior or others?

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Old 08-23-2005, 10:12 AM   #2
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Yes, men definately pay more attention, and women give you terrible looks. Just surround yourself with men...lol...lol...lol I love that you called her ma'am...next time try sir!!!lol
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Old 08-23-2005, 10:19 AM   #3
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Sarah, yes, it's tough. I find that women actually check me out and find me lacking...but before they just didn't even bother...I wasn't worth consideration. Men look more too. It's very uncomfortable for me! I try very hard to ignore it...

That's been just one of the many psychological issues I've had to come to terms with as I come to the end (of the beginning, as Meg says...) of my journey. Anyone else found that they were using their fat as a shield from prying/curious eyes?

Sarah, you know that those women are giving you a great compliment...you're a 'skinny chick' now! I'm sorry they are being so rude, though. Hopefully the discomfort they feel at seeing you will help push them to do something about their weight some day. It might take a while, but eventually it can happen.
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Old 08-23-2005, 11:18 AM   #4
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Sarah,

I think it is a combination of both how you feel and how others perceive you. Some women can feel threatened by another who has the determination and motivation to take control of their lives and lose the extra weight. They are really disappointed in themselves because they don't have they don't have the same determination and motivation!

I think guys are friendlier because you are feeling good about yourself and it shows! They pick up on your self-confidence.

I am sorry that people have to be rude to you because of their own shortcomings, but all in all, it's not a terrible problem to have if you think about it.
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Old 08-23-2005, 01:15 PM   #5
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From my past experiences, I would say with the guys it's because of how you feel affecting you (glowing, radiant, confident), and with the gals it how you look. Either way, it's praise - the guys are praising you, and the gals are praising you with faint damns!

Isn't it strange though, how women who perceive themselves as less attractive are behaving vindictively? Petty.
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Old 08-23-2005, 01:36 PM   #6
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If I keep reminding myself that it's not about me, it's them I do ok.

But sometimes I remember how the weight sort of insulates you from a lot of the girl-girl pettiness. Being fat some how removes you from the "competition" some how. It's like if you're fat, you don't matter -some how invisible. I didn't quite realize to what extent the weight protected me from a lot of the pettiness. I'm ok, it's just a curious thought.

Maybe I wasn't hiding from the guys-maybe I was hiding from the mean girls?

It's like- we are grown ups now people! can't we get passed high school meaness and be nice to each other.

I do have to admit that when I see a tiny woman, I automatically think bad thoughts . So I guess we all do it to some extent.


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Old 08-24-2005, 01:21 PM   #7
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Sarah

You've touched upon a significant aspect of weight loss for me in this thread, and I'd like to thank you for raising it.

I've been carrying at least 40 excess pounds for about 15 years. Two years ago I lost about 20lbs and was working out. I looked better than I had since the late 80's (even if I do say so myself!) Considering I was in my late 20's in the late 80's and then 2 summers ago when I lost that weight I was early 40's, it was remarkable that I looked better.

I found it very difficult to cope with the increased attention from men. I'm no beauty,just average looking, but men were coming on to me a lot. After so many years of being invisible to guys, I was self conscious when I went out and didnt know how to handle men looking at me in the street, and even had a couple make passes at me.

I regained the weight for a few different reasons, but you know, underneath it all, I wondered if the male attention thing was a big contributor. I was scared to be attractive, and was worried about how I would cope with even more attention from men when I got to my goal weight.

Being fat does protect you in many ways, and I wonder if this is one of the things I'm hiding from behind my excess pounds.

And there is the dilemma. I'm still scared to be attractive - but I have to learn that I cant hide behind my fat.
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Old 08-24-2005, 03:00 PM   #8
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Hi Sarah

I find that people in general are ruder than they were back in my day. Won't give you the year as I will be dating myself I think I'm the old fossil on this thread anyway .

Infact my DH & I were decussing the topic this morning. We were going to Fla by southwest airlines,which doesn't have boarding passes. So they work their airline by asking for people in wheel chairs,,children & health problem people to enter the aircraft first,. I was wild when I saw a Large Fat Lady get to the front of the plane and taking up 2 seats to sit in.While the others had to sit in the back where we were squashed for the whole trip.

Never fly that airline again.

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Old 08-24-2005, 03:15 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahyu
But sometimes I remember how the weight sort of insulates you from a lot of the girl-girl pettiness. Being fat some how removes you from the "competition" some how. It's like if you're fat, you don't matter -some how invisible. I didn't quite realize to what extent the weight protected me from a lot of the pettiness. I'm ok, it's just a curious thought.
Sarah
Sarah, WOW , that sounds like an amazing revelation! Being removed from the competition. Kind of like a sign saying "I'm not playing the game." I'll have to think about whether that is a factor with me as well.

Keep glowing and keep confident! You've earned it.
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Old 08-24-2005, 04:05 PM   #10
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As I look back on my younger years, that's what happened with me. I used the weight to protect myself from attention I didn't know how to handle. I was cute, attactive and shapely-shoot I had a 36C chest by the time I was 14. And because I was so developed grown men didn't understand that I was just a kid. (Well, I hope that's the case and I didn't live in neighborhood of pedophiles) But they were always hitting on me.

The mean kids would make snide comments about how big I was and being young and inexperienced I thought they were talking about me being fat. I didn't realize they were talking about my chest and that the girls were just insanely jealous and the boys were just very curious.

Maybe I gained all the weight to insulate myself from both the boys/unwanted sexual attention and the mean girls. Well, I'm a grown up now and understand what's going on and will overcome all my petty little school woes.

I think it helps to dig a little deeper into why we gained the weight in the first place. I honestly don't believe it was all just over eating. I think I over ate as a form of consoling myself, pushing down the bad feelings, filling up with yummy tasting food sort of was like a....??? what word am I thinking of...???...a nice warm blanket on a cold night?

It's nice to be able to talk with other people who understand the under-currents of being overweight.

Isn't psychology fun?

Sarah
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Old 08-24-2005, 06:01 PM   #11
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I've started to notice a slight difference. When I go for my evening walks I get stares from men going by in cars or also walking. People smile more, particulary men. I just saw my friend, I haven't seen her since December and I've lost 12 pounds since then (slow, I know). She knew I lost weight, but didn't say anything about it. NOT A THING! She is my best friend and she knows I've been working hard. I know its visible because another one of my best friends said something to me, as did her sister, a few people I went to school with, my mother and my neighbor with dementia (It's sad that she has dementia, I can remember times when she was perfectly fine, but she throws a lot of compliments because she can't remember that she said them a minute ago, and she is not the type to lie, even with dementia).
But I digress. I thought I felt a hint of jealousy from my friend, but I wasn't sure if I was imagining it. I hope I was imagining it.
I agree with using the weight to insulate and protect. I was wearing a C cup in the 6th grade (I didnt get picked on because there were girls who wore D and DDD in my grade, so I was more of the flat chested bunch) and I had/have a pretty face, but with the weight and me being shy, most females did not try to do anything to me. A few times a girl would say or do something, but I was okay 98% of the time and I think its because I hid behind my weight.
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Old 08-24-2005, 06:32 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahyu
Being fat some how removes you from the "competition" some how. It's like if you're fat, you don't matter -some how invisible. I didn't quite realize to what extent the weight protected me from a lot of the pettiness. I'm ok, it's just a curious thought.

Maybe I wasn't hiding from the guys-maybe I was hiding from the mean girls? Sarah

HOLY CANOLI!!! (Ooops...sorry to mention canolis... ) HOLY CARROTS!!!! I never thought of it that way! I think you just pinpointed a huge thing for me, Sarah! "That will be $160 for this session," Sarah says. Geez...that is SO TRUE. I've always been just about the least competitive person on earth. I mean, seriously. ESPECIALLY when the competition is about guys. I have literally said to a friend (this was back in high school) "Okay, you like Bob, and I like Bob. So you can have him." I didn't want to compete or get involved with any conflict. I think that's also why most of my good friends throughout my life have been men -- no competition, and no pettiness.
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Old 08-24-2005, 06:58 PM   #13
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Gosh, great stuff! I've noticed some of the same things, and I wondered too if part of it wasn't that I was looking around more. You know, like I have more confidence now. I've been working to (slowly) lose weight for about a year now & overall am down about 20 lbs, so it seems to be that I am noticing a different reaction in everyone including me.

I was also thinking about what UniversityPrincess was saying about her best friend not mentioning her weight loss. I know that I'm often uncomfortable when someone says something about my weight loss (altough not my BF), and start to think about what people thought about me when I was heavier. I sometimes wish people wouldn't point it out. Maybe that's the fearful part of me that got to "hide" in being heavier before? hmmm.
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Old 08-24-2005, 07:14 PM   #14
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This is a great thread.... I know why I overeat. Mostly it is to feel numb. Whenever I feel upset or distressed I turn to food. I feel like it pacifies me and gives my mind a momentary break from my troubles. Obviously I need to work on managing my emotions with skills other than cooking. Like a few of you I hadn't been overweight all of my life. It snuck on when I developed an endocrine disorder just before I was 20. Before that I had no weight or food isues and was one of the few teenagers I knew that didn't feel crappy about their body. But the hormonal problems made me put on a bit of weight... then I got depressed because I found it so hard to shift when I normallly didn't... started to eat to consol myself and then put on even more weight... and boom... we have ourselves an eating problem - not to mention a weight issue!!!!!

So my weight tends to be a barometer of how I am going mentally and emotionally. I have some good strategies to help and started seeing a counsellor. I figured that if I taught myself how to become fat... I can teach myself thin again.
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Old 08-24-2005, 08:33 PM   #15
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wow-like the biggest light bulb just went on over my head!!! Thank you all sooooo much!!!!!!
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