The last 3 weeks have just been horrible for me. I feel like such a failure and I just am having a hard time getting the good feeling back again. I will try to keep it short but I don't know if I can.
In March my aunt started having back problems and when they went to do the surgery they discovered that she had a blood clot from her groin to her ankle and cancelled the surgery. She spent about 1.5 weeks in the hospital and came home to not being able to drive or do any house work. She doesn't have any children and has alienated most of her family except my mother. So we have been taking care of her house, grocery shopping and rides to the doctor. Well the middle of July the doc said she could have her back surgery and it went well but her mind isn't coming back very well. We moved her from surgery rehab to a skilled nursing facility and she is starting to get better but is never going to be able to go back to her house again. So now we are looking for somewhere she can live with help. We are going to have to box up everything in her house and put it into storage and then sell her house as part of my grandfather's will stated that she could live in the house as long as she could take care of it. Well that has ended and her siblings are telling her she has to get out so they can sell it. They all share it equally and will get a portion of the sale (greedy *******s).
On top of everything else when my husband & I went over the other day the neighbors knew she was gone and had tapped into her power. We unplugged everything and told them not to do it again. At 10pm a friend called and said they were hooked up again and we ended up over there with the cops and had to decide whether to have them arrested for theft or just give them a warning. We finally got home at 12:30am after we had taken everything of value out of her house because the cops told us the neighbors were druggies (OK we had already figured this one out and were thinking that they were using her power to cook meth). My aunt doesn't live in a good neighborhood needless to say.
My mother's health isn't good and she lives with us. Her sister being sick and everything that has been happening with her is really putting a strain on my mother and her health. She isn't doing very good right now and that concerns me a lot.
My husband has been unemployeed since April and is looking for a job. About 1.5 weeks ago they started talking about layoffs at my office. Well I am not going to be one of the layoffs yet because one of the women in another location retired and I am taking on the majority of her duties (my office is the corporate headquarters office). However, the person they have been talking about laying off is my back up person and I am her back up person. So that means I would be taking on all of her job also and have to train someone else in the office on how to do both jobs for when I go on vacation in November.
Our vacation money went into a new furnace and air conditioner 2 months ago. And OK I keep trying to look at it positively that at least we didn't have to figure out how to come up with $4,000 for the new stuff but I really wanted to go see my husband's family for Thanksgiving. And I know he did too because it has been three years since we have seen any of them.
The last week of July I started feeling really tired and cold all of the time and gained 20 pounds in two weeks. Well I found out my blood pressure was way to low and the doc changed my prescription and I've lost all but 4 pounds of the 20 (was mostly water retention). We got a new scale and it weighs me a lot more than the old one did and OK that has me depressed also.
I'm having a really hard time eating right because we are never home anymore. I tried doing P1 again this last week and lasted 4 days before we were insanely busy and had to eat out again and I over ate again. I don't have the cravings for sugar anymore and haven't been eating alot of sugar but I just can't seem to quit over eating right now. I feel so misserable afterward that I keep telling myself I'm not going to do it again but something else happens and there I go again.
I had to go clothes shopping today because nothing fits anymore. It was a good shopping trip because everything I bought was a size smaller again and on sale. But I still feel miserable about it because it's still money that we may need later to buy groceries. Or need to pay for the storage for my aunt or help my mother buy more medication or whatever seems to come up next.
I know some of you will say not to help my family so much but I just can't seem to tell my mother no I'm not going to help her sister because then she will try to do it all and I know she can't. My husband, bless his heart, is doing so much to help me and we are both so exauhsted that we never seem to have any time together except when we pass out at night in bed.
It has been 1 1/2 years since I have had an emotional eating binge and I feel like such a failure. And OK I know I'm not a failure but I just can't quit feeling that way. So, I guess I could really use a group hug and to know you guys are out there to help me get back on track. Thanks for listening and sorry this is so long.
Karla, I'm sorry to hear about everything. I know it must be very taxing on you. ((HUGZ))
My best advice is to try and plan time for yourself and your husband. Even if it a 1/2 hour you need time to relax as best you can. Family issues are hard and can leave a person to feel guilty when they take time or spend money on ones self. But you really need to take care of yourself 1st so you can be there for your mother and others.
Try and do the best you can and don't beat yourself every moment is another opportunity to do better.
Karia.. it sounds like you are having a really tough time at the moment... you should be more gentle with how you are feeling about yourself - you are doing a wonderful job just not going bonkers at the moment... do what you need to for your family, but make sure you take some time for yourself - you are just as important as they are... do the best you can and regroup when the stress is a bit lower.
(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))) Karla I have been so worried about you as I haven't heard from you in a few days!!
I am sorry the stress is still so rampant and wish there was something I could do to help you!
I am so happy you got the police involved as hopefully they can keep a closer eye on your Aunts property!!
Please feel free to p.m. me at any time!!!
As for your diet...you are doing so well with all of the stress you are under! I am really proud of you for not totally losing it and giving up!!! You are a stong person and will succeed!
I will be praying and hope that things get better soon!
(((((((((Hugs)))))))))))
It's stressfull times like yours that really make it easy to be overly critical of one's self. Take some 'me' time to contemplate and get yourself a fresh perspective on things. Sieze whatever moments that you can with DH and make the most of them. I can only imagine how tough things are right now but try to keep in mind that some of the toughest things in life have made us that much stronger.
Karla, I'm so sorry to hear about all you are going through. I can relate, as my DH has been unemployed for half a year now (finally just got a job, but big pay cut from last job).
Under your grandfather's will, can your aunt live there with someone to cook, clean, garden, etc? Or only if she COULD do it, but chose not to? If that can be done, can she get a home health care aide through medicare or some such? If she needs assistance, she might be able to get medicare to pay for one. Or will medicare pay for an assisted living home? Possibly she and your mother could share an apartment in such a place, with medicare paying some of the costs? I don't know what you've looked into, just tossing out ideas (I used to work as a CNA in nursing homes). Is your aunt in poor enough health that she needs constant attention?
As for your work situation, maybe you can start looking for something more secure now since they are talking about layoffs, and that is a worry for you?
For meals, could you spare time once or twice a month to fix up a bunch of meals to freeze? Could your mom or husband help you do that? Or maybe a friend, or some women from your church (if you are a church-goer)?
Try not to worry about the weight - you have enough to worry about! Just concentrate on staying healthy, since that will help you cope with the stress better than if you are not in good health. If you go to Mcd's, get salad, and so on.
As for telling you not to do so much for your family, that isn't something that I, for one, would say. I firmly believe that family should be there for each other. Even if you don't LIKE each other, you are still FAMILY. I believe in duty. However, don't wear yourself out - take time to renew yourself. You won't be able to help those you care about if you don't take care of yourself, too! I don't know your religious beliefs, but if you are a Christian, you might try reading 2 Corinthians 4 - it might help.
I am so sorry to hear about all of the trials & tribulations you are going through. Please know that we are all here for you, and will do anything that we can for you. Also, the is a fabulous book for you & your husband. Go to Amazon & pick it up..it is very cheap. It is by Dennis & Barabara Rainey, it is a couples devotion book. When you finally get the 5 minutes together at night when you flop down in the bed, take 2 minutes and read that days devotion for you all. It has made a drastic difference in my life, andI know it could in yours too. Turn your cares over to God.
(Sorry if this offends anyone, but I believe anything is possible with GOD). We are here for you, dear!!
Karla, you dear girl... I'm so sorry you've got all this crap going on right now. I know you don't always feel it, but you sound like an incredibly strong woman. Most of us couldn't deal with half of what you're going through.
You definitely need to make some time for you and you DH. Even if it's just a walk around the block holding hands and talking (or not talking!), do SOMETHING together that temporarily takes you "away" from all the crap. You need to recharge your batteries, and your relationship is so important.
As for the eating... why don't you try going on Phase III for now? You'll have lots more options, won't have to stress so much about trying to stay on track, and you never know... if it's better than the way you're eating now... you might even lose a bit of weight.
I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers, Karla. Sending you lots of love and hugs...
Very sorry to hear about all of the current stress in your life. Hugs to you and I hope things get better for you ASAP. I'm an emotional eater so I feel you pain. Eat to keep healthy and hopefully the weight will soon follow, but it sounds like you're doing the best you can, which is all anyone can expect.
Karla, What a difficult time it is for you. Sounds as if the whole world is throwing its problems your way. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Perhaps some of your Aunt's siblings could help out, seeing as they want the house sold. Even if your Aunt has alienated them, they have their own self-interest in helping to get her settled and sort her belongings and get he house ready for sale.
I think Ellis' idea of going to Phase III for a while sounds like a good one. Then at least you would maintain rather than undo all the work you've done.
Karla, I haven't been around much for the last couple of months, so I haven't gotten to know you...but the replies from others I know, show that you are one special woman! I hope that when all this craziness dies down, you will begin to feel that way about yourself again!
I know what you mean about the emotional eating. In OA, we say that food is a wily and dangerous adversary. It sounds kind of funny, but we know it's true. I, myself, after over a year and a half of pretty much abstinence from overeating, managed to binge last night. It's something that can always come back to haunt us. But what is getting me through today is knowing that I can always start over. And you can too. I know it's frustrating to feel that you have to keep picking yourself up over and over, but that's being human! We constantly make mistakes in spite of good intentions. Tons of people are having these troubles and they don't have even a fraction of the stress you are currently dealing with! Focus on the good things, hon. For instance, when you overeat, try to do it with healthier things. Stay away from the sugar if you can help it. Eat more veggies and less carbs, and try to stick to good carbs. This can be a kind of modified Phase 3. Try to get in as much exercise as you can...it'll help keep your weight down and it'll also help reduce the effects of all this stress. Above all, keep coming here and posting, and know that we are on your side and here always to welcome you back on the wagon.
One of the mods has a quote in her signature that says something along the lines of, "Success is just getting up one more time after you fall; failure is staying down." I didn't say it nearly as eloquently as her quote does, but you get the idea, I hope. Keep getting back up, hon, and I know you'll be a success.
As to the clothes, try shopping at thrift shops. You'll find darling things and you'll pay hardly anything for them. Also, try giving your old clothes to consignment stores. We just earned $68 for my last three months of consigning. Nothing near what I paid for the clothes, but more than I had before I consigned them. You never know!
Big hugs and hopes that things get better very soon!
and LOTS more! i will say some prayers for you and yours as well. there are a lot of great ppl on here and i think there's enough so that we can hold ya up when ya feel like you're fallin'. also, because my mommy is an angel in heaven now, i will ask her to swing by your place and keep an eye out for you and your family. i hope things get better soon and i hope you start feeling better, too. and hey, you can't be a failure, you're still coming here and we won't let you.
I really need support or maybe just a hug
Very sorry to hear about all of the current stress in your life. Hugs to you and I hope things get better for you ASAP. I'm an emotional eater so I feel you pain. Eat to keep healthy and hopefully the weight will soon follow, but it sounds like you're doing the best you can, which is all anyone can expect.
I hope that when all this craziness dies down, you will begin to feel that way about yourself again! 
It's something that can always come back to haunt us. But what is getting me through today is knowing that I can always start over. And you can too. I know it's frustrating to feel that you have to keep picking yourself up over and over, but that's being human! We constantly make mistakes in spite of good intentions. Tons of people are having these troubles and they don't have even a fraction of the stress you are currently dealing with! Focus on the good things, hon. For instance, when you overeat, try to do it with healthier things. Stay away from the sugar if you can help it. Eat more veggies and less carbs, and try to stick to good carbs. This can be a kind of modified Phase 3. Try to get in as much exercise as you can...it'll help keep your weight down and it'll also help reduce the effects of all this stress. Above all, keep coming here and posting, and know that we are on your side and here always to welcome you back on the wagon. 
also, because my mommy is an angel in heaven now, i will ask her to swing by your place and keep an eye out for you and your family. i hope things get better soon and i hope you start feeling better, too. and hey, you can't be a failure, you're still coming here and we won't let you. 
