Jenn!
Hon, I SO understand what you mean. My DH is incredibly supportive, but like your DF (Jenn...what does HB stand for? The only thing I can think of is 'Hot Babe'...
), he sometimes forgets. And sometimes he asks me if it's okay if he has something in front of me and I feel like it would be rude to say no.
He has sacrificed so much to do SBD with me, so how can I say no to a hamburger bun (for him!)?
On the other hand, hon...I do feel differently about the jealousy thing now. I felt very much as you do now until about three years ago. I was really pissed about it! So pissed that I decided "
dieting! Why do I have to do it when no one else has to?" and I ate anything and everything I wanted, whenever I wanted, for over three years. I gained about 80 pounds.
I was miserable, even though I ate as much as I wanted of everything I wanted. I realized what others thought of my activity, so I often ate alone. I wanted DH to go to bed or go out so I could be alone with my food. Anyone who's done Weigh Down will recognize this behavior...I was actually having an affair with food!
It kept me away from DH and it kept me away from friends. It didn't make me feel better...only for the moment, then it was gone, I felt sick, and didn't know what to do, so I ate some more. Eventually, there just wasn't any food that was interesting any more, but I force fed myself my old favorites. It didn't get any better, but I did start to come out of my fog.
I realized that even though people like your DF and my DH can eat a lot of the crap that makes me crazy and binge-ready, in truth, they don't really eat that much. They often make much healthier choices than I would. And they spend lots of time not eating at all. Watch DF closely and I bet you'll see this. For instance, would you or I choose to have Haagen Dazs sorbet when we could have Macadamia Nut Brittle (about 1,000,000 grams of fat, but a personal fave) or something with tons of fat and chocolate? Bet DF didn't eat the whole quart...but if she did (and DH sometimes does), think about the difference in calories and fat to what we would have had. I bet DF doesn't eat this every night. We would. And I bet her daily calories are much less than yours or mine, even on a diet. It does work out to be fair in the end. My DH never gets fries...always asks for coleslaw instead. He'll go an entire day without eating if he's working on a big project. And he doesn't eat to make up for it when he gets home...he just has a small meal and then goes to bed. If it's late enough when he gets home, he goes to bed rather than eating because he's tired. I'd stay up until whenever if it meant eating before bed. You know?
There is a difference, but if your DF and my DH ate the way you and I would like to, they would be fat too. It might take them a little longer, but it really would be the same.
BTW, Meg (one of our fabulous maintainers) mentioned a study that she saw presented a while back. Basically this scientist did a study where people (thousands...I think it was five or ten thousand people) lived in a lab for two years. He controlled everything they ate in the sense that they did not have any access to extra food. He found that no matter their size, no matter what they thought their metabolism was, when what they ate was actually controlled, they lost weight. He found that it truly was a case of "calories in/calories out" to lose weight for EVERYONE. In some ways that's discouraging, but in most ways, I find it to be a huge relief. It means that it really is a level playing field. I was pretty pissed for a long time because I felt like it wasn't a level field...some people got great metabolisms and some got bad ones and woe to those in the second group. But this study shows that's not true. Some people eat less than others. Not everyone eats healthy...we all know skinny people who have terrible diets...but according to this study, fat is a direct result of eating too much. Period.
I'm so sorry this is so long winded...but as you can tell, I feel passionately about it. Discovering that I'm not a freak cursed with a bad metabolism but a human being who has developed bad habits with food really gave me so much freedom and released all the bitterness and anger I had. Especially since I now know (and you do, too) that we can change those bad habits to good, healthy ones. If your reactions to sugars aren't as bad as mine, who knows? One day you might be eating sorbet with DF...put your spoon down and let her finish it because you just don't want any more.