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Old 02-11-2005, 09:55 AM   #1
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Red face low self esteem anyone?

question, not really related to south beach diet.

i have always had low self esteem. a lot is bad body image. I have always thought i was toooo fat (even when i was 125#!) my question is, how do i change it? if you overcame it, what did you do? What helped?
i have a book about enhancing self esteem that i am reading. i have gone to therapy which helps for a while but then ....

this low self esteem is really hurting me and my relationships!

any advice would be appreciated!
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Old 02-11-2005, 10:02 AM   #2
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Have you browsed in the Maintainers forum? I believe that they have discussed this topic before, and it comes up now and again. You don't have to be at your goal weight to post with them.
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Old 02-11-2005, 10:20 AM   #3
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I don't know if this will help you at all but you asked what made a difference so I will tell you what helped with me. I got divorced. In my case I had moved out of my parents house at 18 and gotten married. So even though I had completed college and was working at a successful job, I always had my husband to rely on. And he made me feel incompetent at lots of things. He was very controlling even though I was the only one working. He was good at spending the money. Eventually, I just decided enough is enough! Suddenly, in my late 20's, for the first time in my life I was living on my own. Every decision I had to make would impact only me. I realized that I really could run things pretty well. I DID do a good job with my work. My ex didn't think I could cook. Well, I experimented and you know what? I AM a good cook.

Change didn't come overnight and I made lots of mistakes (like marriage number 2 ) but I grew up and learned to value myself. Eventually I came to realize that my looks were separate from my value as a person. Yes, I am thrilled that I am much slimmer than I used to be but even before I started this loss, I felt better about myself than I did when I was a teenager. Maybe it would help to talk to a professional who might help you figure out how to improve how you feel. It has to come from within. Good luck
Barbara - Started South Beach 5/22/4 Restarting 8/15/16
HW/SW/CW/GW -230/213/195/140

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Old 02-11-2005, 11:55 AM   #4
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Ah... low self-esteem. I know it well, Jenn.
I've rid myself of it thanks to a number of things. Getting married (lucked out with my DH), having kids, aging, and therapy.
Aging is the best one. As I get older, I feel more like, "I don't give a damn. I'm me, so take it or leave it."
I feel secure in who I am. I'm okay with not having a phd (although that would be lovely) or a fantastic and fascinating job. I don't feel the need to impress anyone anymore. I like who I am.
I think that in a relationship you have to be willing to give of yourself, and that may mean compromising yourself to a certain extent. But what it all boils down to (and I'm not trying to sound selfish, here) is that it's all about YOU. If you're not happy with what you're giving, then you're not being true to yourself, and the relationship won't be a healthy one.
Besides, relationships come and go. If I were to lose my family tomorrow, not happy with who I am, then I'd have nothing left to go on with. I'm all I've got.
Find out who you are, and embrace that person.
I like what Barb said... "...it's about "growing up" and learning to value yourself, and that has to come from within."
I am a runner!

"Wouldn't it be wonderful to take all the evil people and put them over there, then we wouldn't have to deal with them. And all of us good people would stay right here. The problem is that the line separating good and evil cuts right through the human heart." Alexander Solzenitzen
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Old 02-11-2005, 06:35 PM   #5
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Oh, my. Low self esteem... my OLD "friend." The first thing I would say, Jenn, is that you have found a good place to raise this issue. I'm willing to bet that all of us here have battled that beast at some time or another, some of us for almost all of our lives. I was locked in mortal combat with it for most of my early adulthood, until I finally came to realize that no one, not a parent, not a teacher, not a mentor, not a priest, not ANYONE, could "give me esteem" if I didn't give it to myself. I think my realization came when I looked at the Golden Rule in sort of a new way. I was taught that the Golden Rule was to "love others as you love yourself." Well, in order to do that you MUST love yourself. It's hard. It feels selfish to even say that, sometimes. But I'll tell you that by even raising the question you are well on the way to a new sense of self-worth, and you have found a group of folks who will hold you in their thoughts and prayers while you grow and find yourself. I know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 02-11-2005, 07:35 PM   #6
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mqpaquin, you raised a VERY good point. How can you love another until you love yourself?

Jenn, you know how they say that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit? Try this: Every single morning resolve to tell yourself at every opportunity that you are beautiful, smart, funny, (whatever asset you feel you're lacking). Tape a list to your bathroom mirror if you have to. Keep a copy on the visor of your car and keep one in your wallet. Look at that list and read it outloud to yourself whenever possible.

I know it sounds hokey, but for years I felt like an ugly duckling, even after I married and my husband told me over and over that I was beautiful.

I'm not sure exactly what made me decide to change my thinking but I did and I'm really glad, because it's actually helped my weight loss endeavors.

Hugs to you, Jenn...any time you need a boost,come in here and we'll give you one!

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