Poetangel, you're describing me before I started SBD. I started when I was ready, and when you are ready (when the pain of this life is worse than the pain of giving up bingeing) you will too.
In the meantime, please, please, please check out Overeaters Anonymous. I think you will find them beyond helpful. If there isn't a group in your area, they have them online. You can learn more about it and find online groups here: www.oa.org
You're in my prayers, Nette.