South Beach Diet Fat Chicks on the Beach!

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Old 07-13-2005, 08:06 AM   #1  
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Default Pet Thread: Part II

Rats! I know there is a Pet Thread somewhere...but my search was unsuccessful... I got this "Open Letter to my Dogs and Cats" in an email... just wanted to share it with all you pet lovin' chicks!

Subject: Open Letter to My Dogs and Cats


Dear Dogs and Cats,

When I say to move, it means to go
someplace else, not to switch positions
with each other so there are still two
of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours
and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the
middle of my plate and food does not
stake a claim for it becoming your
food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR
and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-
size bed. I am very sorry about this.
Do not think I will continue sleeping
on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats actually curl up in a
ball when they sleep. It is not necessary
to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent
possible. I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having tongues hanging
out the other end to maximize space
is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret
exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to
get the door shut, it is not necessary
to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the
knob or get your paw under the edge
and try to pull the door open. I must
exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom
for years--canine or feline attendance
is not mandatory.

The proper order is to kiss me, then go
smell the other dog or cat's butt. I
cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have

posted the following message on our

front door: "Rules for Non-Pet Owners

Who Visit and like to Complain About

Our Pets":

1. They live here.....; You don't.

2 If you don't want their hair on your
clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like
most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, He/she
is an adopted son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and
doesn't speak clearly.

Dogs and cats are better than kids:
they eat less, don't ask for money
all the time, are easier to train, usually
come when called, never drive your
car, don't hang out with drug-using
friends, don't smoke or drink, don't
worry about having to buy the latest
fashions, won't wear your clothes, and
don't need a gazillion dollars for
college, and if they get pregnant, you
can sell the children!


"LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU WHILE YOU'RE

MAKING PLANS FOR THE FUTURE. " GARFIELD".
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Old 07-13-2005, 08:18 AM   #2  
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OOHH!!! I love this, its soo cute! I'm glad I'm not the only person who has sleeping arrangement problems with their pets. While my cat is happy curl up next to me, my dog insists on taking 3/4 of the bed, and if she thinks I'm taking up too much space (which is most of the time) she will get up in a huff and go sleep on "her" couch..brat!!
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Old 07-13-2005, 08:25 AM   #3  
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Me too...and I have 2 Great Danes!!!!!
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Old 07-13-2005, 09:19 AM   #4  
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So cute Thanks for posting it!

New baby likes the camera. I told her I was taking some pics for you girls and she was all up in it!!!
Attached Images
File Type: jpg aimeewindow.jpg (8.1 KB, 8 views)
File Type: jpg aimeeplay.jpg (9.0 KB, 8 views)
File Type: jpg aimeelook.jpg (10.3 KB, 10 views)
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Old 07-13-2005, 10:13 AM   #5  
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Jenn --- She is soooo cute! What's baby's name?

Pearsy---I Know what you mean , I have a King size bed, and with 2 little cairn terriers that think they are Great Danes,! Speaking of Great Danes, GADZOOKS Kyemom, 2!!! My aunt loves great danes, always has at least one..growing up they were always at our tiny cape cod house.. Sampson and Delialah (sp), I thought those were great names for such majestic dogs.
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Old 07-13-2005, 11:36 AM   #6  
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How to clean the toilet

1. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water,
and put both lids up.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards
the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close
both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid.) The cat will self
agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come
from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.)

4. Flush the toilet three or four times. (This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse".)

5. Have someone open the door to the outside (Be sure that there are no people
between the toilet and the outside door.)

6. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both
lids.

7. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside
where he will dry himself off. The toilet will be sparkling clean!


Sincerely, The Dog
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Old 07-13-2005, 12:29 PM   #7  
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Schatzi -- She's Aimee (MeMe). We also have a JoJo

ps, Garfield ripped off John Lennon's line "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans..."

Love it!
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Old 07-13-2005, 12:41 PM   #8  
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"No secret exit from the bathroom"

So true. My kitty thinks the toilet is quite facinating. While I'm sitting on it ! She pushes my legs aside and tries to check it out. (TMI?) She can't figure out what's going on and has to try to stick her head closer to see. Please, it's not that exciting trust me. She can even open the bathroom door unless I lock it so I get no privacy. I distract her with some toilet paper while I'm doing my business.

Love the cat wash idea.
Sarah
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Old 07-13-2005, 12:53 PM   #9  
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My Great Danes are named Tynee & Bobbee Socks!!!! The girls @ the vet call her Tynee who is not so Tiny!!!
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