31 Things a dog must remember......
1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I should not suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
5. I will not eat the cat's food, either before they eat it, or after they throw it up.
6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to be sick.
7. I will not throw up in the car.
8. When at the beach, I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs etc, no matter how good they smell.
9. Kitty litter crunchies, although tasty, is not food.
10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then re-deposit them after processing int he back yard.
11. The nappy bin is not a cookie jar.
12. My human's toothbrush is for the exclusive use of my human. If they want me to have one, they'll get me one.
13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, so that when I throw up, my people will not assume I am hemorrhaging.
14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down on rainy days.
15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
16. I will not steal Mum's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
17. The sofa is not a face towel, neither is my human's lap.
18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mum's drivers licence.
20. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
21. To avoid having a string hang out of my butt, I will not eat mint-flavoured dental floss out of the bathroom garbage.
22. I will not consider rolling around in the dirt a necessity, first thing after getting a bath.
23. I will remember that sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way to greet visitors.
24. I will not hump my human's leg, no matter how attractive.
25. I will not fart in my owner's face while I am sleeping on the pillow next to their heads.
26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
27. I will not consider the toilet bowl a magical, never-ending water supply, in spite of clear evidence that it is.
28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is here.
29. I will remember that suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can clear a room, and is thus to be avoided. Except when in-laws are here.
30. The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him and when he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
31. Even though he's too chicken to come on weekends, the mailman WILL be back and I'll have another shot at him.
I am a runner!
"Wouldn't it be wonderful to take all the evil people and put them over there, then we wouldn't have to deal with them. And all of us good people would stay right here. The problem is that the line separating good and evil cuts right through the human heart." Alexander Solzenitzen