I'm so sorry. You've had a bad couple weeks. It really sounds like you are depressed. There is nothing wrong with being depressed, it happens to us all. Unfortunately there are no miracle words of encouragment to help you get back.
You have the stress of your grandmother being ill, perhaps facing the thought that she might not be with you for as long as you would like. You have the stress of living with someone not on the plan, with temptations all around you. It would be hard to do this with out the support of those you live with.
Is there someone close to you that you can unload? It might help just to have a sympathetic ear. If not, we are here.
Unload away! But if your feelings continue, you may want to think about seeing a couselor of some sort. Just to help you get over this.
How to stop the great spiral downward?
Accept that you are human, you have had a trauma and you turned to food to help relieve the stress. You can't do anything about it now. Don't beat yourself up over it. It does not make you a bad person because you've had an over-eating spell.
Stay in the present when you are eating. It doesn't matter what you ate yesterday or even this morning. Right now is what counts. What are you eating right now and why are you eating it? Pizza is not that bad of a food choice, as long as you don't eat half the large one-speaking from experience here on that. Really think and ask yourself-am I hungry right now? Why do I want to eat? For me the answer usually is, "no I just want to eat it. It taste good." Yes, I'm still working on this myself.
Think about how you feel today, verses how you felt before Grandma got sick. Did you feel better? more energetic? more alert?
Start writing in a journal, talk about how you are feeling, what triggers an eating episode. What was going on, what you were thinking, who was around you stuff like that. Writing my feelings and thoughts has helped me tremendously in my fighting my emotional eating. I can see it in black and white and realize that is not true, and then go on to write what is the truth
An example for me is: "I'm so stupid, I can't believe I ate the whole box of cookies tonight. I always eat too much, I'm always eating everythign in site."
I looked at that statement and countered with: "I'm not stupid, intelligence has nothing to do with eating. Yes, I did eat the entire box of cookies, why? because I didn't eat lunch at work and missed dinner because I had a meeting to go to after work and didn't pack a snack. I ate because I was hungry. I don't always eat everything in site, and I don't always eat too much. How to I not repeat this? Remember to eat lunch, keep portable snacks like nuts, vegetable sticks or fruit in my bag at all times."
I've read several books on the subject that has helped me begin to get a handle on it. I think it will be a life long struggle.
This one got me started thinking about the reasons why I eat:
8 Minutes in the Morning for Real Shapes, Real Sizes: Specifically Designed for People Who Want to Lose 30 Pounds or More by Jorge Cruise
The Ultimate Weight Solution: The 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom by Phil McGraw
The Thin You Within You-winning the weight game with self-esteem by Abraham Twerski, MD- I'm reading this one right now, it's great.
Emotional eating : a practical guide to taking control by Edward Abramson
I tend to eat when I'm anxious or bored. We should start us a thread of emotional eaters so we can spill our guts about the lastest thing we've eaten the entire thing of. Maybe figure out what caused us to start the binge so we can learn from it. My husband thinks I'm demented. I finally figured out one of my triggers-it was him! He would say something just in passing and I would get angry about it and instead of confronting him, I would swollow it down so as to not start an arguemnt and eat to stuff that anger down. Shoot...not anymore. I get right into his face and start confronting. As Dr. Phil says, "Own your emotions" Usually I find he didn't mean to say what he said the way he said it.
Last time I had a emotional eating episode I went through 1/2 box of Kashi Good Friends. Oh, well it could have been worse.
Is there a way you could perhaps not buy as much of the junk food as you normally do? Ask dh to take some of it to work with him, leave it in his desk or locker or his car? Put the tempting stuff farther up in the shelves. I'm only 5' tall, so anything above my eye level I forget about.