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Composition of realistic goals...

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Old 05-31-2011, 12:15 PM   #1
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Unhappy Composition of realistic goals...

I need some help
I gained weight. I am at my heaviest ever. I hate myself. Hating myself leads to what seems eating my weight in food. Ugh. I need to set a realistic goal. firs time I was on SB I lost 20 pounds in a month. I got sick, got off track... I never had the time to think of what to do realistically to keep losing and not get depressed... and stay motivated and goal oriented. Well, there's the issue. I know what my ultimate goal is... and I hate to say it, but I'm sure that could take a year... that's depressing to me. I need my realistic goals. Up front.
Help.

I am 220. Ultimate goal weight 110.
Would asking to be 160 by this September be way out of range? And 135 by the start of December?
Please someone, help me plan out <3
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Goals:

..~*20% of highest body weight (sw of 220) lost also no longer "obese" - 176/175
..~*Not longer overweight "normal weight" achieved - 145
..~*Ultimate goal weight of 110
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Old 05-31-2011, 01:15 PM   #2
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wanting to be 160 by september is a really lofty goal. why don't you start with something a bit more tangible...how about losing that first 10 pounds by the end of month one? Tomorrow begins June so it is the perfect time. 10 pounds is a lot easier to see than 60. I would not expect to lose 20 pounds in the first month, nor many months. also, have you considered therapy or possibly journaling to get yourself beyond the "hating myself" stage? as much as it may seem that you just will cease to hate yourself when you reach your ideal goal, that is not likely the case. there will always be negative emotions and if you're prone to eat your way through them, you will likely gain again when anything stressful comes along. i would highly suggest working diligently through these issues -- i had negative body issues for years, always hating myself for being overweight...it wasn't until i started to love myself and let myself that i deserved to be healthy, that i deserved the "me" time that came from being in the gym, that i deserved to make healthy decisions so that i didn't feel guilty, binge and then feel like crap, that I actually lost the weight. Now, 100 lbs. later, i still find things about myself that i'm not happy with. i think it just comes with the terrain, BUT, i still deserve to make healthy choices.

good luck. check in with us daily, it is a great way to stay accountable.
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Old 05-31-2011, 01:25 PM   #3
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I completely agree with Zeff. Focus on the immediate future. 10 lbs first month is still aggressive weight loss. Think of how you can move forward out of love (for yourself) rather than out of fear/frustration/anger. Plus, you need to make a plan now for when you get sick. Getting sick is a part of life. I too got sick the first time and it threw my weight loss progress out the window. Now I have a plan (it involves whole wheat toast, ginger ale, and veggie soup), and I don't feel as vulnerable.
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Old 05-31-2011, 02:38 PM   #4
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I agree with the idea of short-term goals. Smaller goals.

How about not actually focusing on a weight loss goal at all? One thing I learned in the blog world this past year, and it makes sooo much sense to me, is that we can't control the scale but can only can control our actions.

So how about a goal that has to do with staying OP, for example. Like taking it one day or one week or one month or longer, at a time. And then the theory is that if we eat well, the numbers will eventually follow.

Yes, I have a number I want to be. Don't know when I'll get there. But I have gained and lost so many times that, for me, I know the true goal is now about the eating itself and not the weight.

Just a different perspective.
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Old 05-31-2011, 03:01 PM   #5
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Patience is the hardest thing to conquer in weight loss. But the reality is if it comes off fast, it will most likely come back on fast. When it comes off slow, it's healthy, your body will be THANKING you in one way or another no matter what, and the odds are that the time it takes will train you to eat this way forever.
My weight loss is going to take a year at least, too. That is wicked hard to realize since impatience is a terrible problem of mine. It was also hard to realize that I will be on this diet for the rest of my life, but by the time I've lost the weight, it will be ingrained in me forever and a way of life. There is no "Yes the weight is gone! I get to eat fried chicken and ice cream whenever I want again!" I will be a new me, and you will be a new you. Maybe you'll gain incredible confidence, not because of how you look, but because you accomplished and conquered something that was very hard for you.
Go look on the Goal Met thread. Everyone put in A LOT of hard work and it took them an average of a year. Its a state of mind you need to get into if you want this change forever. Once the water weight is off, don't expect more than 1-2 lbs to be lost every week. If you expect more, you'll just be disappointed and depressed. Its a vicious cycle, but I think successful weight loss happens when you don't try to fight but come to accept the science of our bodies.
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Old 05-31-2011, 03:06 PM   #6
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Time to set a really realistic short-term goal. How about 5 pounds for the month of June? I suggest you continue blogging as well - I noticed your last entry was January 2011.
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Old 06-01-2011, 03:45 PM   #7
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I agree with short goals... my partner weighs about what you do now and we've been doing SBD for about 18 months... her weight loss has been slow (as has mine) but definately steady.

I stopped focusing on numbers a year into the plan. I wrote a blog post about it (if anyone is interested. it's here. I'm not trying to be all spammy..I just don't want to copy and post the whole thing here.. )

My goals are now about things I can do. Not a number I need to be.. but it took me a long time to get there, mentally.
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Old 06-01-2011, 05:10 PM   #8
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Also realize a goal of 110 is pretty small for someone who's 5'4. Even if you weighed that in high school or college, you can't necesarily expect your body to be the same.
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Old 06-01-2011, 05:42 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by popspry View Post
Also realize a goal of 110 is pretty small for someone who's 5'4. Even if you weighed that in high school or college, you can't necesarily expect your body to be the same.
I agree with that. I am only 5'1 and my goal weight is 110. That is a BMI of 20.8, (normal bmi is 18.5-24.9). Of course it'd be great to be on the low end but I don't see 98 lbs as a realistic weight for me. I'm not even positive 110 is realistic, I'd probably be happy at just under 120! Of course it all depends on your build, but maybe you should look more at how you feel or how clothing fits you rather than a number. If I looked hot in a bikini but the scale said 150, I would concentrate on maintaining and not the number. Set small goals. Then when you reach them, re-evaluate and take the next step to get there.
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My January Goal: 131.0
Jan 2nd re-start: 135.1
Feb 1st (total Jan loss): 130.5 (4.6 lbs lost!!!)

My Long-Term Goal

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Old 06-01-2011, 11:43 PM   #10
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Thank you to everyone I picked up a copy of The Beck Diet Solution yesterday after posting this... It seems it's going to help a lot in addition to the rules of SB. I've read about 30 pages and like what it has to offer, it's helping you build a support non-sabotaging mindset for yourself so you don't have to depend on anyone else for it. My ultimate weight loss goal, 110 pounds, I don't expect to see for a while, but I know that my frame can support it Thank you for your concerns!

Zeff- I'm sure you didn't mean to, but your suggesting therapy sort of offended me. Everyone gets down on themselves and yesterday was a bad day for me and I needed to vent. Congratulations on your 100 pounds!
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"I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul..."


Goals:

..~*20% of highest body weight (sw of 220) lost also no longer "obese" - 176/175
..~*Not longer overweight "normal weight" achieved - 145
..~*Ultimate goal weight of 110
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Old 06-02-2011, 07:23 AM   #11
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Listen, I think all of us who have struggled with weight and body image for years could use some therapy, meaning support, so we can stop the self blame. In your initial post you said "I hate myself" which made me feel really bad for you, I've been to that dark place too. When you read Beck you'll see that she is therapy based - cognitive behavioral therapy - and that is why she is helpful. I'm so glad you found her book and are reading it. Reminds me I need to dig out my copy.
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Old 06-02-2011, 12:50 PM   #12
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I work the Beck Diet Solution along side South Beach. It has been really helpful to me in setting realistic goals (5# at a time), staying motivated and getting right back on track.

Regarding Beck Diet Solution, you mentioned, "it's helping you build a support non-sabotaging mindset for yourself so you don't have to depend on anyone else for it. Dr. Beck strongly suggests that you find a "diet coach/buddy", in the form of an individual (possibly a therapist) or an online group, like the one here at 3FC, Beck Diet For Life/Solution June 2011 Support, Discussion, Buddy/Coach. I tend to see it as building a non sabotaging mindset for myself with built in personal daily accountability and encouragement.

I've gotta say that 190 isn't all bad. It's certainly not my ultimate goal BUT if I can maintain 190 and keep practicing my dieting skills until I can reach my next goal I am far better off than I was when I was in the constant yo yo mode which ultimately saw my high weight just rise and rise.

Love ya and best wishes! Daily support is my lifeline right now.
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Old 06-02-2011, 11:11 PM   #13
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ive been down this diet road many times, and ive always put it right back on. i just started sb again 2 days ago. i said at the start that this is going to take a year. plain and simple. why sugar coat it and blow sunshine up my own rear?? i would love to be at goal by Christmas but i know its not going to happen so im not going to fool myself. i tell myself many many times a day when i want to eat something naughty, "in one year i will be thinner" and i walk away. lol. strange advice maybe but it works for me. hope you are having a good day today. one day at a time. baby steps.
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Old 06-04-2011, 09:52 AM   #14
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I wasn't at all trying to offend with the suggestion of therapy. I wasn't trying to suggest that you are crazy, and I think in todays society, therapy has a place in a lot of people's life. Think of it as a journal that gives you feedback. I started therapy as a way to get past my anxiety issues in 2009, and after just a short period, it became more than clear that most all of my issues were rooted in the fact that I really hated who I was. It took training - a lot of the training was similar to the Beck solution - to get past that.

I know we all have bad days and that some things that are said aren't meant, but saying that you hate yourself is something that is a big warning sign to a lot of bigger problems. I was simply making a suggestion, I'm sorry it offended you.
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