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Old 01-26-2011, 09:54 AM   #1
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Default Do I have my cake & eat it?

I have a friend coming over who is desperate to visit this gorgeous cake shop near me. It is amazing and however hard I have tried to dissuade her she's not listening.

Do I go ahead and prepare for having the least damage cake I can and do some damage limitation later, or do I stay strong and order the largest coffee I can while tryin not to drool all over the table?

This is my first real temptation to be honest and I have been losing steadily since starting. I know I have a long way to go and so need to live a little too but I have my treat/cheat days already planned eg birthdays and big days.

I am working nights at the moment too so its so hard to keep on track and be strong. Otherwise I know right now I'd be thinking 'No, I really don't need one'

Agh, damn those pesky yummy cakes - I HATE them!!!!
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Old 01-26-2011, 10:16 AM   #2
Enjoying la bella vita
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What do you really want to do? Do you want to face down temptation and come away feeling stronger for the experience, yet still enjoying a nice social time with your friend? Or have you planned for the splurge and want to enjoy one in moderation and then stay on track - after all if you've planned the splurge, you're not having to GET back on track, you're still on it. If it's a "temptation" that you don't want to give in to, have something healthy yet filling before you go, and enjoy the coffee and the feeling you'll have of seeing your friend and not having to eat at the occasion.

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Old 01-26-2011, 10:22 AM   #3
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This sounds like an opportunity for a Big Victory. Enjoy the coffee now, then revel in the delight you will feel later. The sweets will be a flash in the pan, but the memory of your strength will be there for the times ahead. Good Luck to you.
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Old 01-26-2011, 11:06 AM   #4
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I have had anxiety in anticipation of difficult eating situations before, and in the moment I usually say no.

Here's the secret: I have NEVER thought back to a situation and been like "dang I really wish I had eaten that brownie/mac n cheese"

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Old 01-26-2011, 11:12 AM   #5
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*my opinion*

I think the white flour/white sugar/fat combination is a big trigger for cravings. BTW-Have you read "The End of Overeating" by David Kessler? It has alot of information regarding that specific connection.

Knowing what I know now after sticking pretty close to plan for awhile now I would come up with something else to eat other than the cake. *my opinion*

What would I do? I'd explain to my friend, that I'm just not eating that stuff right now and that there are a couple of options
1)I'd go with her, but not partake (perhaps bring something of my own)
2)Come up with an alternate idea
3)IF you decide to partake, I would have a 2 day menu planned ahead in case it's the thing that sets you off wanting to eat off plan. Then stick with your plan and move forward.
4) choose not to go (if I was quitting drinking, I wouldn't go to the bar)
My take is that if you're losing and that's what is important...stick with it.

You said, "however hard I have tried to dissuade her she's not listening." I think an important part of weight loss is to learn that there are times it is important for others to listen to us. If she's not listening there may be a chance that she will be quite adamant that you partake with her, even if you've chosen not to.

You also said, "I am working nights at the moment too so its so hard to keep on track and be strong" My question is, if it is already so hard to keep on track and be strong is eating cake going to make your situation any better?
Best wishes making your decision. Thanks for posting! I find it's always glad to have some opinions. First time I asked, it was about sweet potato fries-I had been OP about 2 months. I had varying opinions, decided not to and was really happy with that decision.
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Old 01-26-2011, 11:18 AM   #6
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A blogger I follow once said something that resonated with me and I so wish I applied it more often. She said "I never regret something I didn't eat."

I also was struck when I heard this - "no one ever got fat from one piece of cake." The problem for me personally is that I can't seem to just have one piece. Usually that leads to a whole day off plan or a week off plan or months off plan. I'd like to think that someday I could indulge now and then with moderation, but I have struggled so long that I know those little splurges turn into big backslides for me.

Wonder why your friend is not listening to you. Seems like a true friend would do all she could to support your efforts.

Good luck

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Old 01-26-2011, 11:30 AM   #7
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If you know your friend is going to bug you to eat something when you are there then don't go. Keep being too busy to go until she gets the hint and goes with someoen else.
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Old 01-26-2011, 02:05 PM   #8
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I would let your freind know that you really want to spend time with her, but that you need to find someplace with healthier options to eat. Explain to her that you are doing well with your weight loss and that you are afraid that going to this cake place may put you in a bad spot. That while you are great making good choices in a controlled environment, that going into a cake shop isn't a good choice for you right now.

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Old 01-26-2011, 03:36 PM   #9
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My opinion (and I'm on the other side of the fence):

If you -
a) Can eat only this one piece of cake
b) Understand the cravings the white flour/sugar/chocolate will cause
c) Can do a few minutes of extra exercise and get RIGHT back on plan, eating wise

Then I say enjoy the treat - just this once. Don't let the cake turn into a whole meal of debauchery, get right back on plan. I do this occasionally, because there WILL be occasions where you go out of town/have company/have a birthday party where there is something you want to enjoy, but it's totally off plan. The only way I've found to avoid these situations entirely is social isolation - and who wants to live like that? But you have to understand the impact that eating off plan can have on your eating habits.

If you feel that you're not strong enough or that the cravings will be entirely too strong to fight, or you've been doing a lot of off plan eating as of late, then you're better off having the coffee and remaining craving free.

And please understand these are just my $.02

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Old 01-26-2011, 05:58 PM   #10
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I have had small servings of off plan treats now and then throughout my weight loss journey and I've always been able to get right back on track. But I make sure that I only eat what I want to eat, not the goodies that someone else wants me to eat. And I won't eat more than I need to feel satisfied, no matter how much is left on my plate or how much I paid for it.

For me, eating cake to make a friend happy would be a huge step backwards. I might go to a dessert shop with a friend because I'm at a different place in my journey and it's easier to say no thanks these days. But I wouldn't go on a day/week when I was struggling to stay on plan.

It took a while for my friends and family to understand that I was serious about eating well, and there have been a few awkward situations. I've said no to invitations that I knew just wouldn't work for me. But when I say no, I make plans for a different get together, like tea and on plan treats at my house, lunch at a restaurant that works for me, or walking around the mall. It's important that my friends understand that it's the food I'm rejecting and not their friendship.

Lifestyle changes are tricky, but so worth the effort. I wish you the best of luck, whatever you decide to do.
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Old 01-26-2011, 06:25 PM   #11
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How long have you been following SBD? While I probably wouldn't eat the cake because of pressure from a friend or family member, after 3 years I would eat one or two cookies if I planned it and deemed it worth it (my Mom's homemade cookies at Christmas!). On the other hand I did not eat anything off plan (as far as I know and I was pretty careful) for the first 10 months. I'd been making bad food choices for a very long time and my body needed a nice long period to really get on track. Early on I think our bodies are much more sensitive to off plan foods.
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Old 01-26-2011, 06:39 PM   #12
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Go along, chew gum & only order coffee. Remember nothing tastes as good as being thin feels!
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Old 01-26-2011, 07:00 PM   #13
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I'm completely with Heidi58 -- I wouldn't go. I'd say "Sorry, friend, but I just can't go there. I'll wait at home while you visit and I'll look forward to hearing all about it. Or we can go do XYZ thing instead."

You don't have to convince her that you're right about not wanting to go there, or that you staying home is the right thing to do. All you have to do is convey the information that you will not be going. Period.

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Old 01-26-2011, 07:51 PM   #14
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is it a place to get a whole cake or cupcakes? what i would do, and this is totally my opinion: get a few and take a small bite of each. those types of things are always going to come up and i think it is important to teach ourselves how to handle them in real life fashion instead of hiding or running from them. 10 months ago, I could never have taken just a single bite of a cupcake, but now, it isn't that hard because i've done it a few times.

good luck

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Old 01-26-2011, 09:29 PM   #15
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Why don't yall go to lunch beforehand??? Have a nice side salad and an on-plan lunch and then your friend can have dessert at the cake shop while you have coffee. Personally, I went off plan for Christmas and totally regretted it. I felt absolutely disgusting and it has taken me until now to lose the pounds I put back on while "treating myself" to off-plan food. If it's important to you to enjoy the experience w/ her by joining her and you think it'll be worth it, then do it and get back on track right away (I like the idea of the 2 day meal plan)...but I can tell you that so far I've not found ANYTHING that was worth it.

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