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Today was difficult!

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Old 06-16-2009, 10:29 PM   #1
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Default Today was difficult!

Well, looks like I'm on my post vacation let down. After all of the success and warm feelings about food on vacation - I found myself having to run from the junk food isle yet again, knowing I could not be trusted to be near it. I came home, found an OLD m&m in the couch cushions...looked at it for a long time...then finally found the strength to throw it away. I ACTUALLY got it out of the trash can and flushed it down the toilet because I wasn't sure it was safe from me!!! I'm disgusted by the thought of that!!!!

Tell me that is not addictive behavior...I have never had an addiction problem (according to md's) but this sure feels like one! I feel the need to tell you that I am not a disgusting person! I do not eat out of my couch cushion and certainly not out of my trash can.

After all of that - it was a HARD day but I did not cheat...even with nice, properly stored food items. I am afraid to let myself slip up because I KNOW it's a slippery slope for me...right back into incredibly unhealthy habits.

Has anyone else been through this? It's as if I go through days where I'm actually morning the loss of the food.....that's the best way I can explain it.
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Old 06-16-2009, 10:47 PM   #2
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I go through this all the time. It does get easier, but there's always the allure. It's just a constant challenge. You did good! Hang in there. The rewards are worth it.
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Old 06-16-2009, 11:14 PM   #3
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I have felt like this many of times, I have always caved and then had a binge session of all the types of junk food I wanted. That said, it wasn't a day, it would always turn into the next day, then the next, pretty soon it was a few months-scary. Lately I have been focusing on how I feel after I eat certain foods. I feel great after eating healthy stuff, I feel like crap and beat myself up when I eat the junk. Right now I think I would just want the healthy stuff for now. I try to make everything I like and adapt it to the SBD. I don't know if I will be thinking like this when times are tough, but I will try and remember what I don't want to feel like anymore. Another thing that I do when I'm craving is preoccupying myself with something I like doing-aside from eating
Great job by the way!! Take it a day at a time-minute to minute if you have too!

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Old 06-17-2009, 06:46 AM   #4
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macsmom, your post gave me the giggles, but I can totally relate. It's a darned shame the extremes we'll go through to avoid temptation, lol!
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Old 06-17-2009, 09:42 AM   #5
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I'm glad someone giggled about it! It was funny but frustrating and sad all at once. I have a sister that struggled with serious drug addiction 10 years ago..she thinks I'm crazy...going over board with excuses for my lack of will power. she lives in a drive through line and probably doesn't want to face yet another addiction issue...better to just say I'm being silly and she could stop if she wanted. That said....I have this person in my ear saying "it's just lack of will power and trying to get me to have a "taste." total lack of respect for what I'm working on here...I'd never had her a needle and say "it's been ten years - you can have a taste......just use your will power.... grrrrr!!!
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Old 06-17-2009, 09:54 AM   #6
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It's definitely not a lack of willpower. That's something I finally learned. The sad fact is that we will have to be vigilant every day, for the rest of our lives, forever. I struggle with that sometimes, but I'm happy to know I finally have the right tools to deal with it.
I'm really glad you didn't eat that M&M.
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Old 06-17-2009, 12:09 PM   #7
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thanks smoodle. I know better I don't always listen - or trust myself to listen but I DO know better. That is a definate red light food. I can eat them like popcorn!
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