I know that sounds crazy, but after paying attention to how my body responds when I've eaten bad carbs, I've noticed several things. One of them is that yes, I feel hungry not too long after, and then eat more (which obviously adds up to taking in too many calories and weight gain) and also bloat and indigestion and overall, just a crappy feeling.
I'm going to have to get my mind right and do a completely clean Phase 1. Stress is a big factor in how I have kept falling off the wagon lately, combined with lack of willpower (no matter how stressed I get, I could just say no, but I don't.) The past couple of days have been a bad carb spree. Phase 1 CANNOT be salvaged at this point. Today I definitely overbinged on the bad stuff. I fell into temptation and BF and I got those horrible fattening carb-laden Piggly Wiggly deli plates. I had breaded deep fried chicken, white rice with gravy, macaroni and cheese, and a big gigantic biscuit. None of that is definitely SBD legal. I felt bloated and sick afterward, and a few hours later was hungry again and for something sugary, no less. BF wanted to go to the store to get himself ice cream, and I had him get me a Sara Lee New York style baked cheesecake. When he returned, I promptly ate 2 not-so-little pieces.
This is disgusting behavior! What the **** is my problem? (I don't know, and that question is rhetorical in case anybody wants to say, "you're insane, that's your problem. Psycho." )
The rest of the night I've felt bloated, sick, I had diarrhea (TMI, but it's necessary) and crappy. I'm tired but when I finally turned off Saturday Night Live and tried to go sleep, I felt that familiar ache of anxiety in my stomach and my heart is racing, like it does when I have anxiety attacks. (I'm not trying to be a drama queen here, but I'm pretty bad anxiety-wise. You should see into my head and see the horrible scenarios I imagine that could happen to my son or BF or me, and how I think of the same misgivings with some people in my life over and over and over and over and over again. My mind starts racing and just won't stop.) So, it's a little past 1, and although I tried the whole "take deep breaths" thing, I've still got that horrid feeling. I thought I'd play around online for a little bit to just chill out, and then get back to bed and hopefully fall asleep.
Okay, so, I'm wondering if all of those carbs (fried breading, white rice, mac n' cheese, cheesecake, biscuit) could somehow have triggered this, or if it's completely unrelated. Maybe the stress that is making me binge in the first place is what's giving me the anxiety, or maybe the carbs have an effect somehow? I just thought it was 'food' for thought and maybe someone else has a similar experience, who knows.
Also... I don't know why I keep going off on these binges lately. I LOVE the food on the SBD, I don't feel hungry when I eat everything I'm supposed to, so why do I ruin all of my effort by turning around and feeding my body with poison? And the scale has jumped up A LOT, more than what I normally see when I'm retaining water, good god. I don't see how I consumed enough extra calories to gain extra lbs of fat, but I'm definitely retaining a lot of bad stuff, to cause me to bloat up and see such a difference on the scale like this.