I suffer from bipolar disorder. I've been on medication since I was thirteen years old. I've always had low self esteem. I finally though that after losing all of this weight, I had gotten my self esteem back. But, over the past couple of months, it has been slowly creeping way back down again.
I'm seriously depressed. I can't get rid of my flabby stomach. I can't wear pants without it peeking out of the top. Forget wearing any shirts that are really fitted. And the part below my belly button makes certain pants look ridiculous.
I still feel fat. Everyone tells me that I'm thin and I look great, but I can't seem to believe them. I look in the mirror and I still see a fat girl. My mind isn't cooperating. I see something totally different in the mirror from what everyone else sees when they look at me.
It also doesn't help that I used to fit into a size 8 this time last year and without gaining weight, I can now barely fit into a size 10. I don't understand it.
Anyway, I'm completely self-conscious about my stomach. I want to love my body, but I find it very difficult to. I don't know how to change my thinking or how to start being comfortable in my own skin.
There are only so many times that your friends, family, husbad can tell you that you look BEAUTIFUL and you are THIN. They hate the fact that there is nothing that they can say to make me believe it. I just don't, I can't and I don't know why.
I used to like what I saw in the mirror months ago. Now, I can't stand it. I don't know what's wrong with me.