Ugh. I so remember, very unfondly, the way i was treated by my first inlaws. Not my weight- I was thin then and they were fat- but every damn thing else. They were critical of everything. When the baby was born, why, it only added fuel to the fire beause then they could criticize how i took care of the baby. Nothing was ever good enough for them. I see you are from Georgia... well then you know how deep country, back woods fundamentalist redneck old folks can be... we are from Mississippi, and my former inlaws are the epitome of everything negative in the Southern stereotype. They were so backwards and bigoted and self-righteous that eating dinner with them was torture.
It is the job of the spouse whose parents are critical to defend the one being criticized. I let it go so long that it began to cause trouble between me and my husband. Finally the old hag overstepped her bounds and told me that if she could she would take the baby from me because I didn't know what i was doing. (ridiculous, the baby was happy, healthy, and has now grown to be a well-adjusted 12 yr old) Husband stepped in finally at that point. he told them if they said one more thing to me that we simply wouldn't come over anymore. Period. And that worked, it really did. I'm so glad to be away from that family.
Now my new Inlaws... my hubby's Dad and Stepmother, his real mom's dead... I like his Dad, but his stepmother is an insane gossipmonger who I suspect is trying to give his dad a heart attack. (Okay, maybe not, but i wouldn't put it past her.) I dread being around her, and i know she talks about me behind my back. Anyway, now that i'm older and wiser, I realize just how many choices I have when it comes to dealing with folks who treat me bad. The fact is, i'll go visit with his dad. But i'll be danged if I go when I know she'll be around. And if my hubby don't like it, well he ought to by-God put his foot down with the wench.
It took me a long time to realize that I am a person deserving of basic human respect. If our inlaws, who are supposed to be extended parts of our family, can't treat us with decency, then we should simply refuse to visit them. Period. And that means they don't get to see the kids. Eventually they will get the message.
My mother, who is now in her 50's, has been bullied by my dad's mom since they marrieed in 1972. My gramdmother is 92 years old and continues to put down on my mom. Why has my mom put up with it so long? Because she doesn't like to "rock the boat" or upset my Dad. Well, what about her? Doesn't my mother, who has been a faithful and supportive wife to my dad and awesome mother to me for 33 years, deserve to be treated as such? But no. She's still victimized about everything from her clothing and hair to her education and employment, by my grandmother.
See how long that crap can go on if you don't put your foot down? It becomes a vicious cycle. Don't be a sweet southern lady about it. (Part of my moms rationale for putting up with this mistreatment all these years is that she "was just raised to be nice about things like that.") Argh! What the **** does that mean, Ma?
Sorry to rant, but your post brought back a flood of memories, and I still get ticked everytime I hear about something new my grandma did to my mom. And guess what? I rarely ever visit my grandma, either. Why should I endure the company of someone who treats my mama like dirt?
Good luck, dear.