Puney: Thank you for all the great thoughts! So many things that you mentioned "fit" me.
I would go on diet programs, then quit. It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I'm fat, but had to continuously think of food (ie weigh it, measure it, this-food-goes-in-this-category, what I could/couldn't eat, etc.) I found that those programs didn't deal with the my main problem - how I feel about myself - which is something Phantastica mentioned.
I am an emotional eater, but I really try to stay away from snacking between meals. Then, I decided last month to try six small meals instead of three big ones, as some folks suggest. I was able to lose nine pounds in 15 days. It was a good start and I have so much to lose, but as soon as I took a long weekend away, I gained three back and then all of it. The problem I found with six small meals - and yes, this could be one of my excuses - is that I was trying to eat veggies and fruit, but I got really tired of eating those. I don't like a big enough variety, I guess.
I love sweets, too, but I really do try to stay away from them. I have found, though, that I can handle Hershey Kisses IF I keep them put away. I can actually take two out, let them melt in my mouth and be satisfied. I read something many years ago that stated that the only bite a person really tastes is the very first one. The rest of them are just the momentum (or habit) of your hand going to your mouth - a mindless activity. Thinking of it that way helped me . . . for a while.
Moving isn't difficult for me, but I sit all day at my job. When I get home, I start dinner and then I'm tired. My sleep apnea keeps me tired all day. Anyway, I am temporarily living with my daughter (long Daughter Story
) I don't want to exercise in the house because she has two dogs that, well, have the run of the house - including their hair.
(Okay that's another excuse, right? ) I have thought about getting to work early (which I usually do, because I don't sleep anyway) and walking around the parking area and driveway. So far, I've only
thought about it.
As far as issues go, I know I have them, of course. I just don't know how to get past some of them. I am in a dead-end job and I plan on leaving by the end of the year. The people are so . . . depressing. One thing I did do, was get a divorce nearly two years ago. I have to admit, that was one of the best things I've ever done. Another issue is the apnea. I just couldn't get used to one of those masks to sleep in. What a huge joke. I have given up on ever feeling rested. I want to find out if losing weight will make that better, but it has yet to motivate me. I think a huge part of my reason for eating is to "have an energy boost," which you even mention in your post!
I think you are exactly right that I need to take food out of spotlight. Even when I'm thinking about what I can and can't have, it's still
on my mind. I need to be able to plan what will be for dinner and lunch at work, without it becoming a continuous
obsession.
Yep, food has been my reward throughout the years. And interestingly enough, it's also been my punishment, because when I did something that I didn't like, I'd eat for that reason as well. I truely have eaten because I don't like myself.
Phantastica: I have to agree that I need to get rid of the stressors in my life. I am hopeful that once I get out of this workplace and move to another part of the country, that I will be able to surround myself with more uplifting people.
Goodbye Chubby: That IS a good signature line - and SO true. I really shouldn't give myself a choice to fail. And who am I to complain? I mean, I don't have diabetes or some other condition that demands a certain way of eating. I need to consider myself lucky.
I used to walk 4 - 8 miles a day. I should have never stopped. (Note to everyone: You may hate exercising, but don't quit. It's so very hard to restart.) I was determined then to make it a lifestyle change - and didn't.
Thank you all so much for your input. Keep it coming. Maybe just flooding myself with info and ideas will make my mind work in the right direction.