We all know you can reach the 3 days of being binge free so keep going!
I have been resting all day, and I am feeling a little bit better. I'm not sure if it's a cold or a sinus infectio nteh doc says its a sinus infection but the medication is not helping it keeps getting worse, I just want to get rid of it so I can go back to classes anyway hi to any new people on this thread! I haven't had time to see if there are any newbies because I started a cardio/fitness thread to get some other ladies on here to exercise. Plus with being sick I just haven't beeen paying attention! lol

Well ttyl

My name is Stephanie and I am a binge eater...isn't that how this is supposed to go lol. I am 24 and I just recently became aware of this serious problem that I have. Recently like today. I always just thought it was normal, that I was normal.

Typical mishap for me: Lets take last night for example. Ate well all day, DH wanted to see a movie, I suggested dinner and a movie. Went to Olive Garden ate breadsticks and soup, was incredibly full yet continued to eat an entire entree's worth of fettuccine alfredo. Then at the movie ate popcorn, sour patch kids, and a soda. When I was through I thought the lining of my stomach was going to explode. Felt physically sick and mentally guilty. Vowed to just do an hour and a halfs worth of cardio when I got home to make up for it.

Now I know...I know that sticking your fingers down your throat is from the same disorder as doing extreme cardio sessions to work off your food. I know that normal people do not feel as out of control as I do when I get in one of my moods.

I am a baby at this really, I am taking so many of your suggestions...starting a feeling/food journal, trying to be more aware if I am eating because I am hungry or is it something else etc...I hope you do not mind if I hop in on your thread. You know I was thinking maybe we could get 3fatchicks to give us our own section under chicks in control...this thread could get awfully long...

confession.
I binged last night. I'm so disgusted, I'm annoyed at myself. I can't bear this pain anymore. This disorder is ruining my life. Every stressor is an excuse to stuff my face. I have gained well over 50 pounds and I feel it, I can't do my job like I used and I can't be happy.....
I need to heal and I don't know what the first step is..

Stephanie Hello, welcome to the thread!! You're embraced!! What you describe is 'exercise bulimia' which people don't seem to recognize as much. I don't know if sufferers realize it can be just as dangerous as purging. It's been 8 years for me suffering with eating disorders, and I still feel like a baby. I don't have any more of a handle on it or an understanding of it than I did 8 years ago. I do know more about the facts and the dangers of it, but I can't figure out the feelings and emotions behind it.

purplepansy Welcome, and I'm sorry you are having such a struggle. I get really annoyed with myself too after I binge. Have you tried dealing with stress in another way? Exercise is a great stress reliever (I know, last thing you want to hear, huh?). Maybe you could try taking a nice walk or if you're angry, a heavy stepping power walk. Like I advise everyone, start writing down your feelings before you binge and then after them. Compare them, and usually your feelings will change from frustration, stress, sadness, etc to guilt, annoyance, shame, anger, and disgust. You'll soon learn that the binge solved nothing and only made you feel worse. Those swapped feelings aren't a fair trade. Feel better and try to stay strong.

Kristen I'm glad you are feeling better. I'm actually feeling a bit under the weather now. Every few months, I get very dizzy for a couple of days straight and my head feels weirdly funky. And today it's started. I think it's allergy related. Blech! But binge-free for 3 days and totally hitting all daily goals with exercise and food.

I can't believe I'm only 35 pounds away from goal, it's surreal. After over 120 pounds, 35 seems like a drop in the bucket to me, but I know it's a huge amount for some. I'm a bit scared to think about it for some reason. I've never been that thin before, I have no idea how it's going to change my life or IF it will even have much impact.

Much strength, girls!! Keep your heads up!

Hi all! Just checking in. I've been "clean" for a week now and feeling good about it! It's been hard but I have succeeded so far! Thought I'd let you know1
W.

h.c.g. - Thanks for the welcome.

W - That is great that you have made it a whole week. I am on my second day...

purplepansy - It sounds like you really really really want to get over this. Your signature says it all...its all in the attitude. You should print this post out and keep it with you in your wallet or wherever. When you decide to binge make yourself read it before you do it. This may trigger you to remember how bad you felt after the last time you binged and help you to avoid it. Obviously I do not have the answers, if I did and could follow my own advice I would not be here.

StephieWilliams- to the thread! You will find all of the ladies in the thread are very encouaging and we all now how you feel because we are going through the same thing, if you need help, someone is always here to help motvate you to get through the binge problems.

purplepansy912- I am sorry you are struggling hang in there we all believe in you. The days when you binge and are disgusted with yourself are the days you want to give up the most. Stress is a challenge for everyone but for binge eaters it is just another reason to eat. I believe in you and everyone here wants to help you, and they can becausethey have helped me

Wide in Winnipeg-Congratulations on your week of being clean. I am on my sixth day. WE ROCK!!! lol

Wow I am so impressed with all of you who can actually go for more than a day without binging. Congratulations to all of you who are having success!

HarpoChico: thanks for being such an encourager. I can tell you really care about the women here.

Now I'd like to ask all of you a question. What happens if you just don't care? That's where I am now. I know exactly what my emotional triggers are...loneliness at night/boredom (DH works many, many evenings), and frustration/anxiety during the day. Problem is...I know I should stop, but frankly I really don't want to that badly. I'm overweight, but not really obese, and a lot of my mom friends don't look much different than I do. Plus, I literally don't have the ability to cry, because I'm on Effexor (anti-depressant) and since I've started on it I don't feel "sad" at all.

Does any of this make sense to y'all?

Mish I know EXACTLY what you mean about not caring. I went through that period of saying, "I don't care, I want to eat what I want to eat and to **** with the consequences." The result of this? I gained 100 pounds in less than a year. I went through a shorter period of this right before I went on my diet, and I went from 280 to over 300 in a couple of months. Apathy is disasterous to eating disorder sufferers. And people wonder how someone can get to over 400, 500 pounds. Another thing I always said is, "I can always lose the weight later, I'm only in my early 20's, I've got my whole life." But I see you are losing, just don't get apathetic about GAINING.

I binged tonight. I was invited to a BBQ and at first I refused to eat anything, but then I relented. I ate 2 cheeseburgers, chips, a spicy bratwurst, 2 chocolate bunnies, and a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. I'm scared now that I might have gained some weight. I've got to babysit my nephew ALL day tomorrow with a house chock full of junk food. I'm wrangling with the idea of bingeing, but I don't want to start gaining weight again. I hope I can be strong. It's going to be a gorgeous day tomorrow so I'm going to walk my nephew to the park. I need to bring my lunch there, but sometimes that still doesn't work. Maybe I can try to stay out of the house all day. I don't know . . . it's so frustrating. Why do I do this? Why couldn't I just have eaten half a hamburger and a few chips? Everyone at the BBQ knows I'm on a diet and that would have been perfectly acceptable. I would actually have eaten more but I didn't want to all of those people to see me eat that much. I wasn't even too full until I ate the ice cream. Just one tiny little diversion from my normal routine disrupts my abstinence. I can't live life like this. What's going to happen when I get a job? How am I going to deal with that. I can't believe I've lost over 120 pounds and still am the weakest fool around temptation. What the **** is wrong with me?

I hope everyone is doing better than I am. It looks like you are!! Keep it up. I can't binge tomorrow, I just can't . . .

you guys I think I broke my binge free week...

i had 2 rolls at the same time and french fries and 2 chocolate chip cookies and a yogurt smothie

Well, Kristen, you are not alone. I messed up the few days I had under my belt and I did it again today, like I knew I was going to. I DID bring along a healthy choice meal and I did have it for lunch. But then I saw these pop tarts on top of my nephew's wardrobe, and I just couldn't help myself. You know, thinking back on it, I should have taken the damn things off the wardrobe and put them where I couldn't STARE at them. So I ate the pop tarts and then I said, well I guess I'm bingeing, and proceeded to do so. I ate a bag of popcorn, an ice cream sandwich, a bowl of ice cream, 1/2 BAG of tator tots, a brownie, and 3 french toast sticks. But I did have a small victory after I got home because I went to the grocery store intending to buy more binge food, and then I got depressed before I went in and I just didn't feel like eating anymore. I wasn't craving chocolate, but I was craving tangerines, so I bought two and a diet pop. But I'm sitting here hungry right now, I don't want to binge, but I also don't want to add in any more calories for today. The only thing I want anyway is tangerines, and I don't think I'd survive another trip out to the store.

harpo, i am so sorry you are feeling so low. keep trying girl!! we're all here behnd you. the last 2 nights, i went back to my old salty sweet salty sweet ways. i actually made myself physically ill the first night and then did it again last night. why??? just a couple of bad days not sticking to what i should during the day and then whamo night time comes and i have to eat the fridge!!! i'm worried about stuff, i bit off all my nails this week. haven't done that since december.....sheesh i don't want to fall back into the old habits. one night last week 2 nights this week ( i almost wrote so far) no that is it no more times this week or next week. i need to get back into total control of this stupid thing!!

hello everyone !! i hope you are all doing well!! let's kick this thing!!

Reading over all the posts made me think of something. Whenever one of us binges after the first bad thing we eat we say "Im binging again..." with the binge free streak broken we then continue to binge until the next day...Its like if we have to come here and admit that we binged one thing and start over on counting tomorrow might as well do it right. Do you think it is because we cannot just accept we ate one bad thing and move on. Do you think it is the pressure we put on ourself to be perfectly binge free?

Ok done philosophizing...(if that is even a word) I binged last night and today. Ate a whole bad of cadbury truffles...(12) and a ton of chocolate covered strawberries and pretzels. I hinted they looked good at the store and my husband (who does not believe I have an eating disorder) wanted to make me happy and bought them. I actually asked him to hide them from me as I knew this would happen. I do not think I can trust myself to have things like this in the house. I need to buy clean foods...keep those sweets out. The only good news I have to report is that I have been doing great with my workouts and my water.

kristen - thanks for the welcome, I see you also post in fat chicks on the beach, nice to see your face again. Sorry to hear about the binge, just accept it and restart...I wish you luck

ohiotubagal - I think if you are posting here you must care a little bit - otherwise why waste the time and effort. I could see how if you were not overweight it may not matter NOW, but binging will not stop unless you want it to and down the road you may be in much worse shape. Easier to nip it in the bud now before it gets out of hand.

h.c.g. - I am so sorry hun. It happens though. Any chance next time you can watch the nephew at your house? or go somewhere like the movies or out of the house? You know one thing that works for me sometimes...I had a photo of a fitness model who had the type of body I wanted printed out wallet size from walmart. I keep it in my wallet and when I want to binge I make myself look at it first...(well I try to) Of if you would rather you could print out a photo of someone very obese and use it like shock motivation.

justjodi - I totally understand the salty sweet curse.

You gals have so many interesting ideas about this whole topic. I thank you for sharing them.

Stephie: I think you are right...I DO care, but just feel so helpless to do anything about it. I've been doing this ever since I can remember...since I was in elementary school. I guess it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks.
As for you, I can relate to having DH buy treats. That makes it really tough, doesn't it? And if he thinks you don't have a problem, that's even harder. Have you even showed him this thread?

Harpo: I'm sorry you are having such a tough time when you babysit. Does your sister (it is your sister's son you watch, right?) know about your struggle? Maybe you could ask her to hide the foods that give you trouble before you come over.

Kristen: Hang in there! One binge won't ruin you whole plan, right?

I've been thinking a lot about the emotional triggers that cause all of us to binge. I'm trying to devise some kind of plan where I could work on one particular emotion at a time, rather than just saying "I need to be binge-free", because I know for me that would not work.

So I'm thinking...okay, let's start with boredom/free time. For me that happens during nap time (for my kids) and after they go to bed. So, for the past two days, I have been going into my bedroom during their naptime and either napping or doing my digital scrapbooking on my laptop. It's been great. I'm away from the kitchen, and I really am not tempted to eat. Evenings are much more difficult, because I don't want to just sit in my room from 9pm to midnight! I'm brainstorming for that period of time.

Has anyone else tried this approach?

jodi, That's the golden question: WHY?? We hate doing it, it makes us feel awful, and we still do it. The binge enigma. I do that salty/sweet thing to. I think we do it to because our taste buds like a variety and they don't want the same sensation over and over and over again. Just try to avoid a binge tonight so you can break the cycle and get back in control. That is what I'm going to do tonight since I've faltered the past two days. I'll be good for the weekend if I stay in control tonight.

Stephanie, I agree with you that our perfectionism has a GREAT deal to do with our eating disorders. It especially plagues anorexics and bulimics, but I think we can apply to BED/COE as well. I put TONS of pressure on myself to keep in control, and when I fail, I can't move on, I just HAVE to continue eating since I feel I already screwed up. But we need to realize that one mistake doesn't feel as bad as a day full of mistakes. But it's the same feeling of guilt and failure. I feel the same guilt when I eat one bad thing as I do when I eat 10 bad things.

I can't watch my nephew at my house, and I did have him out of the house for 2 hours at the park, but when we got back is when I started. I've never tried carrying around a picture of a model or anything because I know I'll never look like that. I was once over 300 and my body is wrecked. I'll need to have reconstructive surgery, and even then, I'll have bad scars. So, I'm not sure if that will work. I couldn't imagine carrying around a picture of an obese person, it just seems wrong to me for some reason. Maybe I could carry around a picture of one of those dancing hippo from Fantasia or something, maybe that would work

Mish, No, my sister does not know. Nobody knows. She'd have to use a fort to hide all of her junk food anyway. She's obese herself and they have 7 people in her house and not a one of them eat healthy. It really saddens me, because her oldest son has inherited our paternal "fat genes" and he's going to have a serious problem when he's older. And she feeds them pure crap everyday and they eat fast food at LEAST 4 times a week. I know my niece and nephew are 2 of those kids that would already have signs of hardening arteries I've heard about.

No, I haven't tried that approach, but it sounds great to me! I sometimes just want to eat when I'm bored, but it's not a binge craving or anything. I just want a little bit of something, so I guess boredom isn't a trigger for me. Good luck with your new approach!! I hope it works!!

I think I may need to really start saying no thanks to anything not on my plan, because I just can't stop myself from overeating, or wanting to continue off plan. I shouldn't have went to that BBQ. I know it would have been rude to decline the invitation, but I'm creative, I could have made up a great excuse. Now, I still haven't solved the babysitting problem, because I think it's been only one time where I haven't lost it over there. I've tried bringing my own food, and keeping the kids up late, and playing computer games, but nothing seems to work. My sister just has all of my binge weaknesses over there. I know I could say no to babysitting, but I really need the extra money. I don't know what else to try. My mind always wanders to the food.