I think, over the last nearly three years now, I have been so focused on my physical body that I have almost lost sight of my spiritual self. First, there was the pregnancy from **** and I was so ill all of the time that I ended up in hospital dehydrated and malnourished because I couldn't keep anything down. Then there was the nightmarish labor of 20 hours before an emergency C-section. Thanks to that, I then battled anemia and extreme fatigue PLUS after two weeks of abnormal bleeding, I ended up back in the hospital for an emergency D&C to remove the bits of placenta the doctor had left inside of me and for treatment of an infection because of it. Then there was 19 months of breastfeeding, baby cuddling and depo jabs. Now, there is about 50 pounds of excess weight. I've observed Sabbats and Esbats, some with more enthusiasm than others, but my daily practice (meditation, writing in BoS, tarot, runes), all of that has fallen by the way. I feel completely out of touch with the astral.
I've also not had a period for nearly three years (pregnancy, nursing, Depo) and I wonder if that has messed up my attunement with the cycle of the Moon and the seasons, as well. I don't mean that any woman who has ceased having a period has this problem, just that mine has been "tampered" with because of the Depo; it's not ceased for a natural reason.
So I guess I'm just really missing feeling the heartbeat of the Universe, you know what I mean?