I've been so frustrated and stressed this week. Not only am I trying to lose weight before my big family vacation on the 26th, but I'm in finals week trying to finish stuff up and graduate on Saturday. First, I've been struggling like always with the weight loss. Some weeks I do ok, but then I have 1 or 2 bad days a week and it just destroys any progress I've made for the week, which is making my weight loss a slow process. This has been a thing I've been fighting for a few years now (since I've started college). It seems like I can do fine if I am really strict with what I let myself eat (I don't starve myself ever, always at least 1200 calories/day) but I just say no to cookies, desserts, junk food, and I'm fine. But then when I'm put into temptation, real-life situations like going out to eat, I just go crazy and there's no stopping me. I'm so frustrated with this process, and I want this weight loss so badly, but I know I'm just messing up any progress that I have.
Not to mention I am under stress from my loving mother. A petite 5'0, 100 lbs, she never fails to tell me I need to "watch it". I've put up with her criticism and it hurts. It's something I really try to work on and just struggle with a lot. And the thing is, I'm not obese, I'm not overweight, I've just gained the good ol 15 lb weight gain in college and I'm trying to get it off and keep it off (for good this time) She called to tell me that she sent my brother an exam package to my house b/c its just easier to send packages to my house than to his dorm room (we go to the same college). She tells me that she sent him a big package of popcorn, but didn't send me anything b/c she knows I'm trying to lose weight and I don't need it. Fine, but couldn't she have sent me something like a candle or lotion or anything other than food, but something?? I feel so hurt that my mother who is supposed to love me no matter what (which I know she does) just can't get over the fact that I try but struggle with watching my weight. I'm going to med school next year to be a doctor, have always done well in school, I volunteer in the community, but I can only get her approval if I'm a size 3/4 which just isn't ever going to happen again. And now I'm anxious b/c shes going to be here on Saturday for my graduation and I know I haven't lost as much weight before vacation as I or she would have liked.
This weight loss is for myself I do want to note. In college, like many, I started to develop not very healthy eating habits and I want to cut that out for the sake of my own health because its going to lead me down a dangerous path towards out of control. Also, if I'm going to be a doctor, I feel I need to lead by example, and if I'm not healthy, how can I preach to my patients to be healthy? Ultimately, besides venting, I guess I just want to know if anyone has advice on how to get over my "bad days" and how to decrease the frequency of this happening, because as hard as I try, the longer I try to lose weight, it seems the more frequent these occurances happen. Any advice is greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading all of this, I really needed to vent