Quote:
Originally Posted by JulesMarion
Hey, just wanted to say you're doing awesome! You've mentioned a lot of things that are important to remember in this journey. One day at a time, and one goal at a time. When I started my journey to health, I thought of what benefits even the smallest improvement in my current routine would bring a year from now. A little bit of progress each day leads to big results 365 days later. One day can be so discouraging when you isolate it and let that dictate your mindset, but if you let it pass and look at the big picture (small habits leading to permanent changes in how you live) you will be transformed without even really realizing it!
One small thing I started with was brushing my teeth every morning. I had a bad habit of brushing only when I remembered to (and my dentist visits weren't too encouraging). That small habit of self care helped set in motion a lot of little things that now are old hat for me. I just took it one habit at a time, and let that one habit 'stick' before moving on to another, because let's face it, I get overwhelmed easily and give up if I don't. Then, I was 300+ pounds and sedentary, and took poor care of myself. Now, I brush my teeth 
, take vitamins, exercise every day, eat breakfast regularly, cook the majority of my family's meals from scratch, and am on a path to making better habits overall.
I still have many things I want to work on (pretty sure I always will!) But I know that I can, and you can too. Stick with it and you can do this!
Edited to add, since making these life changes I'm down to 165-170 range. 
Wow! Incredible story. Thank you for sharing. It is very inspiring and helpful to see how the little changes made such a huge, lasting impact and helped you to become healthier. I feel that is the ticket for me, too.
And not to dwell on the past, but after rereading my "why do I do this to myself [by continually sabotaging myself]" commentary, combined with reading your account, it made me really examine why I keep failing at my lifestyle changes.
I had a mini epiphany that I think I keep choosing the "wrong" options all of the time because I'm afraid of losing control again. I'm sure this traces back to bad patterns learned in my dysfunctional childhood first and foremost (obviously), but I tried to pinpoint exact times where I could see this pattern in my adult life.
Turns out as a young adult I was very disciplined when it came to certain things, which has always confused me now as to why I have very little self control or motivation for self care. If I could do it before, why not now?...
And this is what I've realized....
Long story short, there were two main periods in my adult life where I completely lost control and lost my "happy place" (for lack of a better term). The first time I wasn't thin or incredibly healthy anything, but I was very content with life and quite relaxed yet naturally motivated to make healthy and appropriate choices for my well being. Then I met someone (my ex husband) who was not good for me and I *knew* this, but due to unresolved issues from childhood I basically sabotaged my "happy place" and let him take control over my life and lost what I had.
The next point was years later and I remember being quite disciplined in all areas of my life: eating, exercise, work, school, finances, home, social life, etc. But then drama and disaster struck and then everything I worked so incredibly hard for started to disappear. First it was my health, then my job, then my schooling, etc. It was a complete nightmare and still haunts me to this day in some ways.
So looking back, what I think that I've learned on a subconscious level is that "it doesn't pay to try because something or someone will come along and ruin it for you anyway." Seriously. I think that's why I don't bother and shy away from success. On some level I think I feel like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football every time I try to get back on track with my life. I figure there's no point in trying and to try and succeed only means that someone, somewhere, once again will come along and simply sabotage me before I have a change to sabotage myself.
So with this mini realization in mind, I have to ask myself, "What can I do to make sure I can still succeed without allowing any sabotage to unfold from me or anyone else?" Sure, impermanence is unavoidable and I'm not talking about that concept exactly. I know eventually old age will "sabotage" my efforts, or an unforeseen catastrophe may "sabotage" my work, but that's life and some of it is inevitable, so I'm not too concerned about that.
What I am concerned with is the sabotage that comes with "giving away my power" when another being tries to enter my dimension and take control over my life for me. Basically, allowing myself to become the victim of someone's sadism/bullying or entering into a codependent relationship is what always trips me up each and every time. I'll be in my happy place or be doing well and succeeding, then someone who is jealous or whom wants to leech onto my positive energy will try to engage me in order to take the control away from me. And wanting to be a "people pleaser," I would always have poor boundaries and end up being a doormat until the energetic vampire destroyed me and sucked the life out of me. Then I'd be lying there in a pool of self pity, seeing my life in shambles and wondering "how did this happen?" while they sit there smirking and moving on to their next supply.
Not to say that my own arrogance and anger and other destructive emotions haven't had a hand in my downfalls as well-- of course they have. But I do see that these emotions always tend to surface after the fact when I see it is too late and I've already been played the fool and lost most if not all of what I had worked so hard for.
So I suppose this is the awareness and mindfulness I need to have when I reach for some food or don't feel motivated to exercise or partake in any other mini goal. I need to remind myself that just because I relinquished control many times before and allowed myself to be sabotaged and abused does NOT mean it will happen again. Knowledge is power and now that I know the pattern and I have more clarity about things, I can make better choices for myself without having fear hold me back any longer. I can make that smoothie in the morning and feel good knowing that I am in control-- no one else. And I can do my push-ups and know that no one is going to come along and convince me not to do them or say or do something to ruin my stride and disrupt me on my path. I am in control. I will no longer be a pushover or set myself up to play a victim role. I will no longer let others decide "what's good for me" especially when I know they do not have my best interest in mind. No one has permission to take or sabotage my energy unless I give them permission to-- and from this point forward I no longer give any being permission to control me or taint my energy with their ill-intensions, lies, pettiness, jealousy, anger, or anything else that negates my highest self and best interest.
So, yes, these are the things I need to remember. I shouldn't fear success. I shouldn't fear going to my "happy place" again because I'm worried someone will come along and take it away from me once again. No. They can't. Because I won't let it happen. I will continue to remain aware at all times and be mindful of how things really are. And when my intuition tells me something is askew, I won't ignore it or allow anyone to convince me that I'm crazy or paranoid. I will trust myself. And I will do what's best FOR ME. And if other people don't like it, then tough. They'll just have to learn patience and learn that they are NOT in control, they are NOT the center of the universe, and they can NOT always get their way and bully others into submission. And for those individuals who are behaving in a toxic manner and trying to harm me, may it all be reflected back to them 3-fold (with an aftershot of some compassion for good measure).
In closing, I am loved. I am loveable. I am loving. And I am perfect just the way I am right now in this very moment.
And I only do my waist measurement because I feel that it's the best gauge of how I'm actually doing since that is where my biggest problem area is.)
I've been a major pain in the butt in my life to so many beings so many times-- both when I was aware of it and when it was out of total ignorance-- and I'm thankful there are those beings who look at my past actions and see how much of a dope I was and do not hold it against me. By demonstrating this compassion and understanding towards me, they have imparted upon me a type of 'compassion by proxy' where I am now more aware of my own judgements and thoughts, and see how unfair and unnecessary it is to judge others. Instead, I am now more curious and will make an effort to try to understand where the other party is coming from rather than write them off as 'bad' or 'the enemy.' I still make sure to keep proper boundaries with those who do not know how to keep theirs, but I am more aware now to make an effort in the future to not make harsh judgements against others and take things so personally. It might be hard, but I will try my best and refer to this entry when I catch myself being a dope again.