Hello,

I'm recently divorced after 26 years together...and I'm roughly 100 pounds overweight.

I have all the things I need to lose it, but I just can't seem to get motivated. I thought having a crush on another man would do it, but nope.

I have everything I need, so why do I use every excuse not to get off my *** and fulfill my goals? It's what I want more than anything. I want to find love again and feel good about myself. I'm the only one holding me back and I am only hurting myself. You'd think that'd be enough to force me to smarten up.

Is there something wrong with me?

No, nothing wrong with you. Change can be hard, excess weight to loose can be daunting, divorce can have all sorts of emotions etc. sometimes it’s just easier to sit and not move the body or watch what you eat. I know I’ve 100 lbs to loose and looking at that triple digit number can be scary. Maybe if you just set smaller goals to focus on - 5 lbs this month let’s say, might that help? Even if you make a change to your diet or add in one change to your day that might help begin loss and with that comes the excitement that you can try some more. Hang in there and good luck!

Hey there! I actually wrote this super long response last night, and lost all of it. Your divorce of 26 years, and your lack of motivation apathy could not sound more NORMAL!

I'm in the process of a divorce of 9 years, and they say working through the grief process can take 1 year for every 10 years of marriage. And that obviously varies as well due to a LOT of variables that may make that time shorter or longer.

Even if you were the one to walk during the divorce, you have had a HUGE LOSS. Grieving a HUGE loss can even be subconscious. A loss and grief can be described as any routine that has changed for you. Different life. Possible loss of some friends as well that compounds the issue.

If you get some books on grief, you will see how apathy and lack of motivation to do anything is a STEP in your recovery. I'm in the heart of grieving, and I was the one to leave after years of intense counseling, and while I was relieved during the first 6 months I moved out, my grief hit me hard in August, and became so overwhelming, I was paralyzed with apathy and didn't want to move. I wanted to hide and bury myself. The pain was so deep. I gained 20 pounds since the beginning of August.

It took me reading JOURNEY TO FREEDOM by Scott Reall (I highly recommend this book), to not only address some questions of myself deep within (you cannot hide any of your core from this book....super introspective), and make a game plan of my life (which it guides you through the end of it on how to do that). I didn't pop up with motivation one day. But over the course of time with this book, I finally came to a place where I could commit to my health and get motivation behind it miraculously. I'm still struggling with my work....have some apathy and struggle to get through it, but baby steps ----I'm 110% committed to my health and exercise routine. I am happy about that. I'm grateful for this new found motivation for my health.

And per that book and the game plan I created, I am taking baby steps to address my work, and get my mind to a better mental state. It is slow, but it is happening. I also am in therapy and I do take meds right now (which I have never ever been on in my life, but I needed them to get through this time.) Sometimes you need a crutch to walk (metaphor with the meds), but when you can walk again, and feel so free, that is a beautiful thing. I'm not quite walking free, but this book was a huge helper to me.

Anyway, thousands of people are going through what you are feeling. It is super normal. But don't be afraid to get some therapy, medical help, or join a small group at your YMCA (I only say YMCA because some are offering an 8-week small group session with this Journey to Freedom book, or church or synagogue or spiritual center, or somewhere you feel safe and what is on your heart can be kept confidential.) It is not helpful to isolate, so make some strides to be in community with people.

You will get through this!!
HUGS!
Elle

The best form of revenge is being confident and getting yourself to your kind of sexy! You can do it girl force yourself to the gym you will feel so much better after!

There is nothing wrong with you. It can take a while to get your own personal program going. If willpower is an issue (and honestly, for whom is willpower not an issue sometimes?) I suggest doing things that take willpower out of the equation. For example, you'll hear many people tell you, "don't shop hungry" and that's because if you eat before you go shopping, you're far less likely to buy any food at the store that is off plan. But I suggest you go further. Personally, I have signed up for daily emails and podcasts from sites I respect. I have followed a number of sites on social media. I come here at least 5 days a week, plus am signed up with SparkPeople, plus have a Fitbit and an associated community there, and finally I have a group of local ladies that likes to walk or hike 2-3 times per week that I go out with. SURROUND yourself with motivation. BOMBARD yourself with it every day. Read success stories! I love success stories and they always motivate me. And if you're religious, pray for help!

There is so much out there, and for me, it just snowballs because one site will lead me to another, which will lead me to a video, which will lead me to a podcast, which will lead me to a phone app...it just goes on and on and it can be so helpful to getting me past any willpower issues.

And, when all else fails, have low willpower fallbacks. For example, yesterday was a rough day for me. I was low energy, I had a headache for hours. I didn't feel like doing any extreme workout. So I did a half hour of yoga. Did I burn a lot of calories? No. But I also didn't just sit on my bum, and I can take that half hour of yoga and call it a victory considering how I felt. And today I'll do more.

Good luck!

Nothing is wrong with you. You are depressed and it’s normal to feel that way. I am three years out from my divorce of 8 years, and I’m still partly wrecked. The one thing I had going for me was that I was so angry with him and that made it easier to exercise. Once I wasn’t so angry my motivation for exercising went out the window.

Here’s what I know, food is like a drug for me. I don’t drink or do drugs so after a really hard day all I want to do is eat in front of the TV. While I am eating I feel soothed. It’s only afterwards that I feel the guilt and disappointment in myself. But of course not eating is hard, and I am exhausted, I want to do easy.

When I first got divorced I read something akin to treating recovering from a divorce as a full time job. So if you are working then you have 2 full time jobs, and if you are raising children you have 3. I really think dieting is another job.

I know you think you want to find love right now, and it will lesson some of the pain, but you are not in a place to pick well, so perhaps being single is a blessing. In the meantime, instead of thinking about losing weight, maybe you should think about taking care of yourself. Do things because they make you feel better and not because you think you might look better. Get a massage, pamper yourself at home with facials and manicures. Take walks outside because it’s beautiful. Oh and get counseling and give yourself permission to grieve.

Losing weight is hard. Maintaining lost pounds even harder.

I know it took me 5 years to finally get going. I used to have all my strict rules and exercise planned, but then I never followed my own plan for more then a week.
Eventually I have decided no more rules, don't do what I don't like doing - exercise. Don't plan to have diet that I don't enjoy - very low carb. Do not intent do not have cheat days....just start counting calories, eat what you like, have enough sleep. And it worked.

The only thing that I have implemented is fasting. I only eat one meal a day, but I eat whatever I want in that meal and its a big meal as well.

Good luck!

Hi Cynderbabe,

I have no excuse, I have not (recently) got divorced. I joined a gym in July and am paying monthly to have a plastic card in my wallet! Seriously need some motivation.

My partner went to Australia for two months to watch the cricket and I want to surprise him when he comes back but can I find the motivation? That's a big fat no :-(

So this morning I'm trying to motivate myself to feel motivated and I've written on the back of my hand - DO NOT FEED ME CHOCOLATE - quite a talking point in the office. So far it's working as each time I stand up my colleague reminds me about the chocolate rule!!

Any pointers on being motivated am happy to try them.

I'm currently aiming at heading to the gym tonight, will report back tomorrow!!

Happy Monday everyone x