Hey!

Well, I was already there at 120, but then I jumped up to 125 again and now I feel like I'm still gaining weight.
I just want a normal relationship with food.
About three years ago I was anorexic, I got down to about 100lbs (at the same height) and then developed a binge eating disorder which brought me up 35lbs. The following time my weight always fluctuated, sometimes I starved and sometimes I binged.
This summer I lost 15lbs counting calories and micronutrients (approx 1500kcal in the beginning and then around 1800-2000kcal daily with increased exercise), but it got really obsessive and I weighed everything. One week of holidays where I ate whatever I wanted and I gained five pounds. After that I started to eat only one meal per day, but somehow this seems to make me gain more weight, which confuses me.
It's hard right now - I just wanna go back to 120 and have a healthy relationship with food. I can't stop the calculator in my head. I can't listen to my hunger and fullness cues.

Overall I'm doing some exercise, at least 30min every day and I walk a lot. My diet is very healthy apart from my lack of portion control. In terms of volume it's around 60% veggies, 20% legumes and whole grains, 15% fruit and 5% nuts and seeds. I don't eat any animal products, oils, added sugar, juice, coffee, black/green tea, wheat, refined flour, additives, preservatives or stuff like that. Sometimes a little bit of maple syrup or unsweetened cocoa powder, but that's it. I'm happy that I don't crave unhealthy foods at all and I really love the food that I eat.

But as I said, I have a hard time with portion control and listening to my body to know when I'm full. 6lbs of food in one sitting are no problem for me, people are always shocked at the amount of food that I can consume.

So I guess...I hope I can find some support in this community.

Hi, justconfused

In layman's terms, when you don't eat enough (as in eating one meal per day), your body thinks you are trying to starve it to death, so it slows down your metabolism and hangs onto your body fat.

I also have a problem with portion size, with eating too much, and eating when not hungry. I am now trying something that I read about on the web, which is eating 300 calories every 3 hrs. and eating 5 times per day for a total of 1500 calories. I am weighing and measuring food, counting exact calories. This way I know I am not eating too much, and because I eat so often, I am never hungry and my metabolism doesn't slow down. When I stick with it, this works well for me and I can lose weight. You probably won't find much about this type of diet on this website, except for my posts, I guess. None of the other diets worked for me, and when nothing seems to work, you have to keep on trying new things until you find something that does work for you. So keep on trying and you'll come up with a diet that is right for you. Good luck.

It is the conventional wisdom that fasting, such as one meal a day, puts you in "starvation" mode, and slows your metabolism, but this is not backed by science. Please read "The Obesity Code" by Dr Jason Fung. Unless you are at a very low body fat percentage, fasting does not cause starvation, it causes your body to burn fat as fuel, which is what we all want, right?
The book cites actual research that shows that after a 24 hour fast, your metabolic rate actually rises modestly, perhaps an evolutionary adaptation in the form of giving you more energy to go out and secure more food.
Dr Fung also show actual scientific evidence that intermittent fasting improves health by reducing insulin levels and insulin resistence.
Conversely, insulin rises after you eat any type of food; the insulin takes glucose out of your blood, and stores it as fat. Since the insulin response has lowered your blood sugar, you are now hungrier than before.
My own experience with intermittent fasting is that I am not hungry during the day, my energy level is good, and I lose weight steadily. If, in your one meal a day, you consume 3,000 calories, you will gain weight. But for me, one meal a day with moderately low calories is by far the easiest way lose weight. Also, I like the Zen simplicity of not having to think about, buy, or prepare breakfast and lunch. I do have coffee for my "breakfast", which satisfies the need for the ritual.
It's all in the Obesity Code - including the actually clinical studies.

Hi Justconfused! Congrats on developing a way of eating that you enjoy! With weight management, that's a big part of the process. So well done!

Would you be able to see a counselor to help you develop cognitive and behavioral strategies for relaxing the internal calculator and detecting fullness cues? Did you see one to help you overcome your disordered eating in the past? Were they helpful?

As far as fullness cues, that could be due to what you're eating. I'm personally *extremely* sensitive to Peptide YY, which gets released in larger amounts after eating protein and fat. As long as I stimulate that production, it's easy for me to feel full. I wonder if you are perhaps constructed in a similar way. You could try increasing your fat intake, getting more at each eating than you currently do, and also being sure to get protein. If you do that and it works for you, then you too are probably also someone whose sense of fullness is greatly contingent on Peptide YY.

120 is a low goal for your height and may require extremely low calories to maintain. Is the effort for that number worth it to you? What are its costs and benefits? If it's a toned body you like, it's highly possible that you could have that body at a higher weight in conjunction with strength training.

Thanks for all of your responses!

The last days I just tried to listen to what my body craves in terms of the types of foods that I'm eating. It turns out that I'm craving a lot of peanuts and tofu, so that means I'm really upping my fat and protein intake. It also turns out that my body really craves cocoa, so I've been eating some cacao nibs for the last days. I also found that I'm eating more raw foods, so my veggie intake jumped up even more and I feel like I'm going back to a fruit based breakfast instead of a grain based one. The calorie counting is getting better, but it hasn't stopped yet.
One thing that really worries me is that my menstrual cycle is getting longer and longer, to the point where it now takes me over 40 days to get a period. On the one hand it's really convenient, but on the other hand it seems like I'm almost infertile.
I stopped weighing myself, but I know that I have gained weight in the last few days. Can't tell whether it's muscle or fat tho. I've stuck to intermittent fasting naturally somehow, but it's more of a 16/8 style.