I gave myself permission to not pay too much attention to what I was putting in my mouth, and I came back with a gain, though less than what I had expected. But that's not really what this is about.

On my way home I stayed overnight in one of those hotels near airports used by businessmen and rich people (I am neither). After taking a shower - tmi alert - I stood and actually looked at myself in the mirror opposite.

Was it an eye-opener? You bet. But at least now I know, with no pretenses, what shape I'm (not) in right now. And it's a tough piece of knowledge. But rather that then fooling myself using inaccurate data from my top-down vantage point where I can't even see my ankles because my boobs and thighs are in the way.

That's what I look like right now. It won't be what I look like in a year. But I will still be me.

Could no-one help or comment? That's disappointing

Good for you on looking in the mirror. It's something I avoid, even when fully-clothed, because the information is hard to digest, and I don't want to get too deeply into self-flagellation, because that's never helpful for me.

But you are not self-flagellating. You are acknowledging, with eyes wide open, that this is what you look like now, and it's not what you want to look at in the future.

This journey is tough, but it looks like you've got a good start. Keep posting. These boards are much slower than they were in the past, but people read and respond. Sometimes, people are just not sure what to say, but it's still pretty therapeutic (at least for me) to post and explore what is going on in my head in a safe space.

Well, all right, I'll just go ahead and post then.

Right now things seem very dark. It feels as though there's no way I'll lose this weight. Having done it once before, I can support my friends who are losing (and I am genuinely happy for them), but I can't bring myself to even leave the house.

It feels like I'm trapped in my body, and that I'm doomed to be morbidly obese forever. And that's not a happy thought.

Hang in there. In the past I have thought of a vacation as a break from eating right and I paid for it in gains.

You did great. Keep going, you can do it.

When I started this journey, I felt overwhelmed by the amount of weight I needed to lose (especially faced with the amount of times I'd failed at it in the past). My husband was very encouraging and told me to take one day at a time. Reading similar advice on this forum sealed the deal. Now I focus on the day at hand. I decide what I'm going to eat and how much/if I'm going to exercise. I concentrate on making TODAY the very best it can be for my goals. After the day is over, I do the same thing the next day. It put "life" into manageable chunks for me. Can I be healthy and abstain from sugar and white flour for the rest of my life? No way. Can I do it for ONE DAY - today? Yes.

I read something else on the forums here and I don't remember who wrote it, but she has lost quite a bit of weight. She said (paraphrased): "I have gotten off track on this journey. One day, two days. But NEVER have I been off track for more than 3 days." That's been true for me too. Never more than 3 days. Then, even though I usually have to white-knuckle it, I'm back on track with my "focus on today" plan.

It might be helpful to join a "decades" group so you can encourage/be encouraged by those who have the same amount of weight to lose. "Getting out of the 230s!", etc. I love mine!

Another old Weight Watchers maxim: "Failing to plan is planning to fail."

Good luck!

Ioslainn - Glad you're back. =)

What Frances said is really great advice, at least for me. I, too, have a lot of weight to lose. I can't look at it as reducing calories for a few weeks and being "normal." It will be months, if not years, before I even drop from the obese category into the overweight one. And much longer still before I am a "normal" BMI.

But I do know that 215 is way better than 230 was, and that's way better than 240 and 250. You don't have to hit goal to feel better and look better.

The first few on-plan days are really hard. And it takes a week or so for me to feel like I'm in the mode and to feel better, and the scale may or may not provide positive feedback. But know that if you white-knuckle it for the first week or so, things start to get much better. And then, you don't have to be perfect for the rest of your life. You just have to make more good choices than bad ones. It's not easy. But it's doable.