Martini, I am officially jealous. I'd love to be able to do some globe trotting. Maybe I will one day, but right now I'm just going to live vicariously through you. Additionally, I can fully appreciate that experience of constantly making excuses for someone and trying to justify their actions. I'm still proud of myself for the day I decided to stop making excuses for my ex.
Oh, I completely agree with you on that,
Laurie. The biggest problem isn't so much that people are attracted to different things is that so many people in today's society are so weak minded that they let their opinions be over-ridden by what society tells they should think and feel. And that is so obvious when it comes to appearance. The truth is, we do all have certain types of people that we are attracted to initially. For some of use, physical attractiveness tends to be dominate over the attractiveness of ones personality.
BUT a
relationship is built on more than just attraction. As you said, when you are going through a rough spot with someone you're in a relationship or just on your own with depression, you can find yourself shocked to suddenly find them very unattractive. Sometimes, that change goes beyond the superficial. The big thing is that I, personally, can't judge the boyfriend's motives without being able to sit down, observe him, and talk to him. But, someone should think about taking him aside and commenting on his statements. He may not realize how he's coming across or he may just be a jerk. But if he's seriously not interested in the road they're going down, if he's not interested him her soul more than he is her body, he needs to step up and be honest with her about that so that she can cut her losses.
It breaks my heart that you're so right about people picking out people that make them look good to friends or make them feel better about themselves. And it hurts all the more given that I know how often women have done this to Missouri. I have never come across a more generous, genuine, and caring person in my life. It can take him a long time to put his heart on the line but he'll wine, dine, and give someone the shirt off of his back. And yet he is that tall, awkward type (which I love). He was large as a kid, thin in the Army, and then, after a car accident did some serious damage to his back, he put some weight back on. It caused a drastic change in the way a girl he'd be courting for two years treated him. She went and got a boyfriend and didn't mention the guy until Missouri flew back to Germany to visit her last Christmas. WHO DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT? Anyway. I guess the point is that the world is made up of superficial jerk-faces who won't realize the incredible person they had in their life until it is much too late. Also, that women can be has guilty of being an a**es as men.
I'm riding in the same boat as you right now. I know that the next 20 lbs or so are likely to be tough ones. I'm approaching the spot I stalled at in 2011 and my set point of 205 lbs. We'll get through them together.
Major personal breakthrough,
Diane! It may not seem like much, but realizing that just as much, if not more, of the problem was how you viewed yourself vs how he viewed you is huge. Knowing that at some level you cross from feeling okay about yourself to feeling unworthy is important to better understanding yourself and the way your mind works. I am a huge advocate of getting to better know ourselves and understand ourselves.
Lol,
Jen! It's one of the reasons I love popping in here. I love that active support net. Sometimes, we all need to take a break from the scales. If you haven't started taping yet, I'd highly recommend it. As I approach my previous lows (220ish in 2011 and 205 in 2007), I know that my scale progress is likely to slow but as long as my tape is still moving, even if it's only 0.5" each week, I'll suck it up and keep pushing.
Nora, welcome to the group and we're glad to have you. We're all in similar boats, having lost weight only to put it back on, so you can't find a more sympathetic bunch of gals than we.
As for diets, hm. I don't really have a specific diet I follow. I'm one of those people who would rather fight cravings that eliminate certain foods that I love (bread, potatoes, pasta, sweets). I practice ritual calorie counting to ensure that I eat at least 1000 calories a day - this has been a big problem for me in the past, not eating enough - and I try to follow the golden rule of calories: 40-50% Carbs, 25-35% protein, 20-30% fat. Under 2500 mg of sodium and over 25 grams of fiber. A lot of days, I end up at about 25% protein, 30% fat, and not enough fiber, but it is a work in progress. I also drink at least half of my weight in ounces of water daily and I do a lot of walking. I have a dog who gets very sad if she doesn't get her 2 mile walk every day. For the sake of full disclosure, I do take some supplements (by Plexus), but I take them to correct hormonal imbalances in my body. They have addressed my hypothyroidism, depression, insomnia, anxiety, and fatigue better than any prescription meds I was ever put on and they have the added benefit of being all natural.
Joe, you give excellent advice and insight. Nothing bothers me more than people who try to tell me I'm not doing it right when it comes to my weight loss. I am always willing to tell people what has worked for me but I always remind them that their mileage may vary. The biggest key to success with losing weight, and keeping it off, is determining what works for you, reaching a better understanding about yourself - your triggers, root causes of your problems, etc. - and resolve and desire to get it done.