I have so many things running through my head I just need a sounding board to help untangle things and some encouragement.

Here are the questions that running through my head and my responses:
I say I'm trying to get healthy but do I mean that? Not as much as I'd like to think.
Do I just want to be skinny? Yes!
What's wrong with being skinny? Nothing and so much!
Do I want to get healthy? Sure
Do I want to do what it takes to get healthy? Honestly? Not so much.
Am I just doing this for the BF? Maybe. I was unhappy with my body before him. But now I want to look hot for him.

How do I change these mindsets?
How do I learn to be respectful of my body, no matter the size?

I think it's ok to have motives other than health for it. Like everything else, people can have the same goals but different motivations. Two people might enter an art competition- but one is motivated by the big money prize, the other is motivated by sharing their art with others. And both those people might flit between being motivated by the others reason from time to time too. Also, being a healthy weight is something you can see- whereas "being healthy" isn't. It's much easier to measure your weight than your health. So naturally, we're more motivated by progress we can easily see than progress which is hard to measure All you might want to do is try to match up your methods for losing weight with doing it healthily

The body is an incredible thing, whatever size or shape. It's ability to adapt, survive, heal, react is outstanding. Sometimes I like to take a moment in the day and appreciate that. Like the other day, I went for a run and got some painful blisters- very annoying for restarting a running habit! But I took some time to look at them and realise that the fluid in them brings nutrients to the new skin growing underneath and keeps it moist so it doesn't split, the skin over the top keeps it sterile, and the nerves underneath tell me to stop doing what im doing because my toes are too soft and need time to adapt. And it does all this on it's own!!

I dont think you have to change your mindset completely I think body appreciation- with love and kindness to yourself- while trying to improve your body (whatever that might look like and regardless of your motivations) is a skill that everyone can learn, if they are interested and learn to practice it

Well, perhaps the love and desire to be "healthy" rather than just skinny is not there yet. But if you get to "skinny", maybe you will be able to feel the "healthy".

It doesn't mean that you won't get there. Maybe it just means that you need to see the change in your body before it becomes real for you. I like to write down all of my workouts, so I can track what I have been doing, and push myself harder the next time. Maybe you could do that, and when you make an improvement, you could set it to remind you on your phone, or put a note on your fridge? You could do it with food choices, too.

I have crap posted all over my fridge, and I am constantly trying to tell myself how much stronger/fitter/capable I am. Of course, I have had to do this because I have been goin at it for a month with no weight loss so far, but that's just me! I may be a dork, but I have a Pinterest account solely for pinning inspiring health motivators. Ok, well, some of them aren't about health at all, merely just inspiring photos of fitness models(shhh don't tell anyone). You can change it. Maybe it will just take a little bit of change in your physical before you can get it mentally.

eh I didn't even bother changing that mindset. I chose healthy because for me, it was the most sustainable to be skinny. ~creature of vanity~ whathaveyou

Your motives might change along the way, and that's OK! Everyone changes their mind about lots of things. There's no reason you need to be 100% confident that your motive is X and will never, ever change.

As long as you're doing things in a sane and sustainable way, for your own sake and not solely due to external pressure, you'll be just fine.

I don't think there's anything wrong with working towards the body you want, even if your motivates are purely, 100% vanity There's a difference between wanting to be thin because that's how you want to look, and wanting to be thin because that's how others think you should look. To me, it's no different than changing your hair color, wearing colored contacts or wearing a cute outfit.

Just as long as it's not an obsessive, where you start doing unhealthy things like severely restricting your food intake or exercising excessively to drop too much weight, too fast. But it doesn't sound like you are, so I wouldn't worry about your motives.

Yeah! This!

My motives at the beginning were: OMG I am going to be the fattest bridesmaid ever. And now it's turned into: OMG, now I can run up a flight of stairs and not die! F-yeah, lets see what else I can do!

So I just had this revelation about another area in my life that works for this too. Focus on the present! All of those have to do with the future or are related to something in the past. I'm worrying about stuff that I can't really change without dealing with the here and now. Maybe that's just baby steps. I'm not saying I won't set goals but those aren't going to be my focus. I'm going to focus on the present.

Are you a Believer?