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Originally Posted by orangesmartie
Great going Cyn, thats wonderful progress. Keep it up.
Sadly I am failing to get a grip on my eating. I'm going to try reading Brain over Binge again, to reconnect with the ideas that seemed to work. Also my counsellor gave me some good tips today. I need to get a grip. This binging is really getting me down.
Thank you so much. I have made it 30 days. This is the longest I have been binge free in years. I am not sure how or why, just thankful that I have been able to stay on top of things. I haven't had "that feeling" the one that creeps up on you and turns that binge switch on. I try to really listen to myself, what is going on physically. I don't know, I really don't feel I am doing anything different that before.
I have been binge free this long. Has it resulted in weight loss? NO, however, it has resulted in me feeling better about myself and more "in control". I have also noticed that my "everyday" eating has slowed way way down. I am not eating much as I used to. I don't know if it is tied together or not. I am keeping as busy as possible and trying not to even think about food.
Note on emotions. Well, I generally seem to binge a great deal, happy or sad, but I also had noticed that during times of stress or anger I also binge. Its like instead of letting out that anger or energy I internalized it, and at. Cramming that food in faster and faster and talking to that person in my mind about how upset or angry I was. I have had several stressful events over this month, got angry, and just felt out of control at times, BUT I DIDN'T BINGE, which was usually my reaction.
Im still reading brain over binge, its taking a long time because I have only been able to really read it while I am at the chiropractor or other dr office.
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Just a polite warning it may be too much info or gross some out
I am right now, currently, dealing with health (medical) issues related to years of binge eating..this past year being the worse I ever binged. I am taking medication for gi tract, I am dealing with acid reflux and gag reflex (almost vomited this morning when I coughed), and then there is the issue of digestion-um no polite way to say it but when you binge on all that food it has to come out.
I had an appointment this week due to issues (blood) and problems trying to pass all that food has caused, and constipation. I didn't go into detail with the dr as to why I should be having such issues since I am "thin" generally eat healthy, but I had to explain to her why I could no longer physically "go to the bathroom" without a lot of effort, or that it could be up to 6 days until I could. "Digestive problems such as bloating, stomach cramps, constipation or diarrhea " is a polite way to list it all.
Add the fact that for two weeks I am having to use a suppository, take stool softeners morning and night, and go thru a totally embarrassing rectal exam and poo test (sample due to blood)
well, if you thought having your annual pap test etc. is bad-this experience had it beat. Not to mention, I was in the doctor office FOR MY PAP test and exam. The dr asked me if I had any other concerns..I hesitated for a min. and then decided to tell her that whenever I "go to the bathroom" I bleed ALOT, like having to clean yourself and the toilet. She immediately said "we will be looking into that" and then scheduled a bunch of tests.
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You know, when I look back over the years of all the binge eating, the gaining weight and losing weight, I can never once say that I ever thought or knew that binge eating would or could lead to physical problems or diseases.
I knew that bulimia could cause issues due to vomiting, also affect your teeth. I also knew that anorexia could cause many issues such as no period, loss of bone growth, tons of other things, but never once did I ever read in all the books I read, the self help ones, or the therapist I saw, that binge eating could "tear your digestive system up" and cause future health problems. I know that rationally it makes sense, but that voice in my head kept saying, "well all i was doing was eating a bunch of food fast, it all went in ok, it should be fine" I didn't know I really was causing any trauma except to myself emotionally.
orangesmartie, I understand completely.I keep trying, like you. Get up and try again, thats what I always end up telling myself. I don't know if the book is doing anything "life changing" but it does explain things in a way I can relate to and I also learned that it was normal to feel that therapy doesn't always help. I didn't do well with therapy, they just always returned to childhood events that MIGHT have shaped how I am today, well sure they did..but it wasn't helping me now. I also, like the writer, took topomax, while on it my binge systems were gone for several months and I mentally felt different-which is why I always felt it was a "mental" issue involving a section of my brain.
I skim the book on my kindle when I can if it just doesn't seem to "apply" I move onto something that does apply to me. I didn't relate to much of the bulimia info, or the excessive exercise, but I did relate to the entire weight loss issue. My binge eating got worse after being successful losing weight-I lost 80+ pounds two times. I always used to have periods of over eating and indulging" pre-diet time, but I noticed that this past year after reaching my goal weight suddenly the binge eating reappeared with a vengeance and took hold. It was unlike anything it ever had been before-a monster, out of control. So, yes, I can see some parts of that theory as well. But, I always seemed to have some type of eating disorder as long as I can remember (early childhood etc). There is just so much to shift thru. I don't discount that there are some emotional issues added to my binge eating, I admit it. I have low low self esteem and a poor self image. Do to those things I have resorted to turning to food for comfort and the "high or good" feeling the binge gives. So, I haven't really had my understanding of why I binge eat change at all while reading the book. I just do like that I can relate to what is being said.
I'm thinking of all of you, I haven't been on much because I haven't' been home much except for late at night after work. By then I'm too tired to do anything and I also like privacy when I'm posting here. I don't get that with everyone at home.