TooWicky, love the insights!

A friend emailed me that some other friends were concerned about all the weight I've lost. They thought I was ill. I am moving into to the overweight that everyone around me is, no longer the fattest woman in the room. That tends to make people uncomfortable. I am in no way thin but not huge anymore. We've all known people who were as fat or fatter than us that lost weight. I would actually avoid them, because of my own feelings of failure that they were losing and I wasn't. I am not proud of that attitude but I think owning it will help me to stay on track.

I have another friend that had weight loss surgery, she looks marvelous but I went out to lunch with her (when I was my heaviest!) and she went on and on about how much people eat and how they just don't "get it." She had the full gastric bypass because she didn't get it and was sitting there judging those who hadn't had the surgery.

Those of us who were very obese (and because of my short self will be for another 20 pounds) walk a fine line at all times. Our bodies know just how to get back up there and it is a constant daily battle to make right choices. It can be easy to look at our sisters who haven't made choices to change yet with a bit of pride but the minute I start feeling that way I know I'm headed down the wrong path. I have kept to the path because my body said no more, with diabetes and a host of other problems that the doctor called metabolic syndrome my body turned on me. Everyone who tackles obesity has to find that thing that changes them, hopefully I've found mine.

Down to 192.6 today!!

TooWicky - YAY for saying goodbye the the unileg!

I love love what you said here: "My losing weight was not and is not a repudiation of the beauty of obese women. I rocked what I had then, and I rock what I got now. My main motivator to lose weight was health."


What an amazing and powerful statement. It really speaks to me because sometimes when I am so happy about my progress and feeling a little vain now (cause I'm hot dammit!), I feel like I'm betraying my old self somehow. Like I'm buying into society's prejudices by finally being able to feel pretty. There were plenty of times when I felt pretty at my higher weights. But, I think the beauty radiates more from within now, because I simply feel GOOD and healthy. :-)

scarlemeshell - Thanks! I love that suit too and I am really excited to wear it.

lotsakids - Wow really? Its ironic that they were concerned about your health, when you've done so much to improve it! How is your other friend who had gastric bypass? I hope she 'gets it' now, because that is what it will take to keep the weight off long term. I think GP is just another 'tool' to help us get on track, like the phentermine. It will help in the short term, but won't stick unless you DO it yourself too. I'm so excited to still be losing after going off the phentermine. :-)

As far as your friend judging, I'm happy to say that I haven't done that. It would be easy to sit on my high chair after this progress and say "I did it, anyone can!. Why haven't you done it yet?" But I am keenly aware of how hard it is, and I feel like the planets have aligned for me finally to help me succeed. Seriously, it's a combination of many things - medication (thyroid, anti depressant, blood sugar meds, phen for the first 6 months) and environment. When I was very fat, I was married to a man who was quite negative and verbally abusive, and I was very unhealthy. I hadn't sought out a doctor who could really "get it" and help me. So I know that it isn't just something you wake up and decide to do one day, at least for me. I'm grateful that all the pieces are in place now for me to get healthy. I do wish it happened before I was older though. I'm going to be 46 this month, and I feel prettier and healthier than I have in 25 years.

I GOT TO MOVE MY TICKER TODAY, after 3 weeks bouncing between 191.8 and 195!! Today, I am 190 - one more goal met now on to the next one. :-) 185 squats today too… crazy.

Llilith, I don't know that she gets it yet. We both have a friend who has not one but two GB surgeries and still struggles with the amount she eats. My friend is competitive and I think that is what motivates her so maybe that will be enough to keep her going. She really looks amazing now and it was really hard not to be jealous of her when I saw her. She has had all kinds of issues with the surgery though so I'm glad I'm not going there, though had I access to insurance that would pay for it I'm sure I would have considered it.

I have never been nor will ever be someone that judges others about their wieght. I have one friend that has had her own weight stuggles and is very supportive. Another friend that has lost wieght and has never once acknowleged my wieght loss but tells me what I need to be doing all the time. I just have to accept her how she is.

Wow, such a lot of great insightful posts these last couple days from TooWicky, lotsakids and Llilith, it's really great to read what you all have to say, it's really made me think, and all this time I've been going too. Sometimes I'm thinking something and don't quite know how to put it into words but then I read your posts and often you've gone through the same thing or you've said something that's really hit home, and you've hit exactly on what I was thinking and said it always so eloquently and often humorously too - so, thank you to everyone whose posts I have read, you are all very inspiring!!

Llilith - love love love the bathing suit, it's such a hot color and a great shape too, I think you'll look fabulous in it!!! And well done on the squats!! And, I think I forgot to congratulate you on still losing after phentermine - proof that it IS possible despite what people think, as long as you work hard which is 200% what you have done, well done!!!

I completed my January exercise challenge today, this is what I did each day of January....

1. Gym workout
2. Pilates class and 20 minute cycle
3. Gym workout
4. Bodypump class
5. Gym workout
6. Gym workout
7. Pilates class
8. 30 mins of weights at the gym
9. Pilates class
10. Gym workout
11. Bodypump class
12. Gym workout
13. Yoga class
14. Pilates class
15. Gym workout
16. Pilates class
17. Gym workout
18. Bodypump Class
19. Gym workout
20. Family bike ride (2 hours) and 30 mins arm weights at the gym
21. Pilates class
22. Gym workout
23. Pilates class
24. Gym workout
25. Bodypump class
26. Gym workout
27. Yoga class
28. Pilates class
29. Gym workout
30. Bodypump class
31. Yoga class

Woop! I made it!! Next month I'm going to keep going at least 4 times a week and I thought I might give up coffee for February too and just drink water and green tea. I'm not a big coffee drinker so it's a bit of a cheat but I guess I will miss it if I can't have it. I also weighed today and I lost 1.5lbs since Monday!! I think I was retaining water so that's why it was a small loss from last week on Monday but I'm super happy to finish the month this way! I hoped to lose a couple more pounds this month when I started but now I'm here I'm very pleased with losing 7.7lbs altogether!!

Have a great weekend y'all!!

PS - TooWicky - "Unileg" - hahahahhahahahaha!!! I lost mine too, lololol so funny!!

Jenny!! Great job on working out every day in January. I work out 6 days a week giving myself Sunday's off. Not nearly as exciting a workout as yours, mine is with Leslie Sansone or the treadmill. I love walking outside and can't wait (as I watch yet another snowstorm outside) until it is nice enough to go walking out there again! I do some other things but mostly spur of the moment (hey I should run up and down the stairs a couple of times) things. The only thing I count is my walk. 128 miles so far into 2014! I'm doing the 1000 mile challenge.

Congratulations Llilith, jennybutler357, lotsakids on your losses jenny, also WOW at your fitness report for January!! Amazing dedication

scarletmeshell, I completely agree about accepting friends as they are, at whatever weight they are. One of the other moms brought home-baked cookies to our daughters' Girl Scout meeting last night. All the moms were standing in a big group when she came around with her Tupperware container and offered each of us one or more cookies. I was the only one who refused, but they are aware I am dieting and unfortunately that late in the day, I didn't have the calories to spare and indulge. The gal who got two cookies before I refused some is def morbidly obese and she kind of gave me the side-eye when I passed on the cookies after she didn't. I wanted to send her a telepathic message that I think she's awesome and beautiful and to feel free to live her life as she sees fit.

I got a new scale! It looks like a technological marvel from the future compared to our old ancient current scale. The old and new scales weigh within a ½ lbs of each other, so that's a relief. The old scale works fine, but my husband and I have been ninja-ing and stealing and silently restealing it from each other for 10 months, lol, it's been scale wars! I weigh in the master bath, which I've sort of taken over, and he weighs in the basement bathroom where he gets ready. Now we each have our own scale.

I also got a kitchen scale for the first time ever. I would like to transition a bit from easy-to-count-calories, prepackaged, prepared foods to fresh foods I make myself. I hope the scale will help me determine calories of ingredients. Wish me luck I'm a pretty terrible cook, but I'm getting burnt out on my "diet food" and need some variety.

My weight has been slightly up from my peek at 180-something. This morning I weighed in at 190½. I have made an adjustment in calories upward (adding 100 calories per day to be 1500 calories/day) and am trying that out. I have been losing weight at a rate of 2 lbs/week and would like to slow that down to 1 lbs/week as I am in the home stretch toward goal and also starting fitness/exercise for the first time. These adjustments are an experiment that I plan on trying for 2-3 weeks to see if my weight stalls, increases, or drops.

Jenny! You are my hero!

Donna, I love to walk too. The weather is bad here. I need to to something inside at home. I like to go to the mall and walk but right now it is to bad to even get there.

TooWicky, I am thinking about getting a new scale. I like the one I have but sometimes it doesn't want to wake up and work!

What is everyone doing for Super Bowl?

Hi everyone

Interesting what everyone is writing about their responses to others..... I think I don't pay much attention to what other look like, nor what they eat as I have been too focused on myself and my loathing of taking the extra cookie in the past. Now I am left with the feeling of 'how on earth did I ever get to be so huge' and am investing a lot of energy into trying to accept myself. I love the new me, but connecting her to the old me is hard. But I was the same about the drinking alcoholic me after I had been in recovery for a while! So reading about everyone else's compassion is really interesting and helpful.

My weight has dropped a bit thanks to, erm, a bit of a clearance of constipation. I' m now at 181lbs but won't change the ticker yet.

My rate of weightloss now is weird. Maybe due to constipation, maybe due to my body not getting enough calories (a friend suggested that but I am not so sure) and maybe due to muscular toning. Now, I have decided to take a few days off from the gym, and yesterday I felt fantastically relaxed. But I am looking forward to getting going again tomorrow morning. I ran 10 laps of an indoor running track on Thursday - my longest continuous run ever so that felt great. It's too snowy and cold to run outside at the moment here.

Have a great superbowl day . not that I have any clue what that entails!

Love this thread! Everyone's so supportive and insightful Congrats to everyone for their efforts so far!

First of all, Lotsakids, I love the idea of stinkin' thinkin'. That's a good way of putting it.

TooWicky, I know this was a few days ago, but that's really interesting about your friend being disconcerted by your weight loss. This might sound completely AWFUL and I hope you all will forgive me for this. My mother, who I adore, has struggled with her weight her entire life. Even when I was very small, she'd complain about being fat and ugly and I'd of course say she was beautiful, because what child doesn't think their mother is beautiful? She was never morbidly obese, but definitely in the obese category as I grew up, minus about a year in the mid 90s when she was taking fen phen (I was about 10 years old). When I got married in 2010, she finally found whatever worked for her because she wanted to look good at the wedding, lost a good amount of weight, and has kept it off now for a bit over 3 years. She's still probably a little overweight, but has definitely gone down. I know it's much healthier for her this way and am very pleased that she's happier with her looks and that she's eating better now (she used to not eat, not eat, not eat, then binge on ice cream or cheese or something, now she actually eats fruit and veggies and protein and stuff EVERY DAY!). However, I will admit to you all... I miss how she looked before. Would never ever EVER tell her this, but I only see her once a year because we live far apart and it's still kind of jarring every time. My entire life she looked a certain way and I loved how she looked, now she looks like a different person. Her face seems gaunt. I know it's not, it's just so different than it was- she's not under weight or anything. I'm quite certain that I've never projected anything other than happiness for her weight loss, and I am very happy about it because I want her to be happy and (more importantly) healthy.

Anyway, I am down 1 more pound this week. 193. That's a loss of 27 pounds so far. Only one person has commented on my weight loss, and that was the parent of a child I work with back at the beginning of December when I was down about 15 pounds. My clothes all still fit. My pants have definitely gotten looser and I've had to tighten my belt by many notches (used to be on the first hole, now I only have 1 hole left), and I noticed that one zip up jacket I wear is quite baggy, but everything else fits okay still. It's actually fine with me that I've only gotten 1 comment, because comments about my weight make me feel really awkward! But I do find it interesting. I realize that when a person has a substantial amount to lose, they have to lose quite a bit at first to make a visual difference, but I kinda thought it would happen by now! I want to lose 70 pounds and am only 8 pounds away from being half way there.

I wonder if part of it is how I carry my weight. Many people carry their weight in a visually appealing way. I am not one of them, seriously. My face fattens up very easily and my facial structure is just naturally round. Even when I weighed about 100, my face was still round and I started getting a double chin at about 110 pounds. Even as a 100 pound 19 year old who was half a percentage point away from being in the underweight category according to the BMI calculator (no eating disorders or anything, don't worry- I spent a lot of time working out and lifting weights), I had a fat roll around my belly, the same as a lot of other women that weigh say 50 pounds more than that. Part of this may be because of my PCOS and even as a teen I carried most of my weight around my belly, so at 100 pounds what little fat I had was stored there! Heck, even now, my legs and arms are pretty darned skinny and my butt isn't especially big, either. For my height, I also have very long legs but a short torso, so all my belly fat is crammed into a small vertical space.

In any case, what I'm getting at is that I think maybe people look at faces and bellies when they're mentally forming (unconsciously or not) how large someone is, and both of those areas are the places I tend to accumulate fat easily and carry it in a not so nice looking way.

Hope this doesn't seem too negative. I've long accepted that I'll never be a gorgeous lady or anything, it's just not in the cards. My husband loves me and I'm taking care of myself, that's what matters to me as far as looks go.

HuggerBunny, oh I know what you mean It's like the person they knew and cared about went *poof* and someone else is standing in their place! It does take some people some time to come to terms with the new me. My current circle of friends and neighbors only ever knew me as morbidly obese, so my current form is pretty shocking. Likewise, they mean a lot to me, and I would never want to make them feel bad about "missing" me, which is what they mean when I see that involuntary look of lamentation on their faces.

I just got home from the carnival themed party at my work where I was assigned to be the surprise fortune teller. I got a surprise of my own over a week ago when I was told that I wouldn't be reading tarot cards (which I don't even know anyway) because that might make some of our more religious employees very uncomfortable (I live in the bible belt.) I was totally okay with that decision because I definitely want everyone at maximum comfort level and enjoying themselves. So anyway, I thought my fortune telling gig was cancelled, but I was informed a couple of days ago that I was BACK ON and that I would be sort of a gag fortune teller reading a Magic 8 Ball, lololol, amg! So I felt a lot of pressure to ham it up, tell one liners and zingers, make funny comments, ad lib, you name it to make the gag fortune reading entertaining. Beforehand I made a quick sign to play off the Magic 8 Ball that said, "MADAME ZORGA'S FORTUNES - 4 WORDS OR LESS." I had like 20 people watching me every time I "read" a fortune!! It was mega embarrassing, but, psht, I delivered and had them laughing even though inside I was thinking Get-Me-Outta-Here. The point of this long story is that I posed for a lot of pictures and got pictures taken of me and I didn't even care! I have avoided the camera for 16 years *tears* I'm so happy to be rejoining the world, even if it's as my Madame Zorga alter ego I changed my profile pic to my fortune teller personae in celebration.

TooWicky, you seem very caring!

Glad to hear your fortune telling gig went well, even if it was kind of stressful Love your outfit!!

TooWicky! Love your Madame Zorga picture!
I am down a pound this week. I wish it was more.
I have a fun NSV. Jenny has inspired me. I am really bad at not exercising. But Jenny worked out every day. Surely I can do better.
I am taking an online Roman Archetecture course. I spend a lot of time watching lectures and taking notes. So I decided to put that time to good use. I have an exercise bike that is just the pedal part. You can put it on the floor and pedal with your feet or on a table and pedal witht your hands. I set myselp up and pedaled with my feet. I stopped when I had to take notes but I hope to work up to being able to write and pedal at the same time. My daughter thought the specticle of all of this very funny and our dog didn't know what to make of it. I am sore today which lets me know I am on the right track. I intend to pedal myself all around my vitual tour of ancient Roma!

errrrgggghhhh... way up today. 195.8!!! Yesterday it was 192.8. I know some of it is super bowl, not drinking enough water bloat and um... well other things but 4 pounds since Saturday?

Whine over, back to work... drinking a lot and hoping for all kinds of movement!