I've been off my meds for about a month now and started the meds at a time that I was basically on the other spectrum of my weight loss. They made me lazy and tired and obviously helped me put on the crazy amount of weight that I did.

So here I am now....I'm off my meds but I react the same way to diet and exercise as I did on my meds.

I get discouraged, beat myself up for mistakes, and feel like everyone around me expects perfection including myself so why try I'm just going to fail.

I feel so much better in general off the meds so I don't think going back on them is any help since this problem happened with or without them but how do I push past this feeling?!

I am not enjoying hating myself so much and not only do I hate how I look and how heavy I am but I hate that I can't seem to do this without messing up.

I've told my therapist but this last visit I didn't feel like she offered much help.

Le sigh.....the ugly body fat % number I just saw on my new scale ISN'T helping.

One good thing I feel like going to the gym right now not eating, that's improvement.

First - that body fat % on your scale is NOT accurate. The only way to get an accurate reading on that is a DEXA scan. My scale claims I am at 39.42% body fat. My DEXA scan (done at my doctor's office) says I am at 29.01%. HUGE difference. So, don't let that number beat you up.

As a long time sufferer of depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder, I know where you are coming from. I've been off and on my meds for five years and where as sometimes it is...sticky...I pull through. But then I noticed things like, the more wieght I lost, the more...crazy...I became. Come to find out, weight loss releases hormones stored in our fat...OH GOODIE! So, fixing to get back on some meds, at least for the short term, again. But, now that I have been on jsut about every last medication out there, I know which one helps me...and which ones do not. Sometimes, you are simply on the wrong medication. What works for most, doesn't work for all. You should never feel like a zombie on medication; if you do, you need a new one.

However, all that being said, find something you enjoy. It will make the journey easier and not so overbearing. I discovered earlier this year I enjoy running. NEVER in a million years wouldn't have thought I would like that. Now, I run as much as I can. It helps give me my moment. Relaxes me. Frees me. De-stresses me. The days I don't run? Oh dear lord I am an emotional mess who snaps at anything within nanoseconds. Prior to learning I liked running, EVERYTHING about weight loss sucked. I hated dieting. I hated exercise. I hated not being able to eat junk. I hated cooking two dinners, one for me, one for my family. Once I discovered a passion, everything else kinda just seemed to fit nicely with it.

And fire your therapist. If they won't listen, get a new one. I think I had fired more than 50 before I found Chris.

I know your pain oh so well....

Thanks! I'm feeling so much better today I just needed to get myself past some sadness.

As for my therapist for the most part she's great! I think I just didn't want to hear anything this time and wanted to do things ON MY OWN with no input from anyone.

You may have heard some of us say that "you can't hate yourself thin," and I tend to believe it. If you can work on accepting and loving yourself the way you are today, you'll be in a better position to harness the motivation to make changes. I told my daughter something similar last night. She doesn't have weight issues but does have self-esteem issues. I told her about what I've learned from 3FC: that there's no reason to wait until we're perfect to start living full lives.

F.

I have bi polar disorder so I know what you are going thru. You really do need to take your depression dx seriously and get back on your meds. Its a slippery slope you are on right now and the depression could get way out of control. There is nothing wrong with taking meds. depression like you have and I have are REAL. Take your meds, live a good life and just be happy you have the ability to live in a country where you can get meds to help. Keep pushing! I know you can do it!

Oh I'm hoping not to go back on the meds. Nothing against them but I was down to the lowest dosage and beyond sluggish being off them I feel so much more alive.

I know there willbe days where I'm down but since I have depression caused by anxiety if I can avoid trigger activities I can avoid depression, except right now I need to learn to love myself how I am now am that's what's bringing me down.

Thanks for your help ladies!!!!!