Quote:
Originally Posted by astrophe
If the problem is sex, what's the problem exactly? Not enough lube? Not enough friction? What is the goal? The expectations?
I'm glad you are mixing it up position wise.
What does this mean?
That he wants to orgasm each time? Or get YOU to orgasm? If so, what's that all about? Performance anxiety of some kind? Sharing sex is sharing sex. Orgasm is fun, and a nice thing, but one can enjoy and share sex without orgasm as a goal.
Again, if you want to lose weight and get fitter as a side project, that is fine. Certainly the physicality of sex sometimes requires some endurance and agility/flexibility.
But to me it sounds like your MAIN problem is lovemaking skills and only being a year into the relationship. That's still learning each other, hon. So... could LEARN.
You know you can share sex and then if he really wants to orgasm he could finish off masturbating to orgasm, right? So could you.
A.
I feel bad for talking about this, but we both talked the other night and realized this is our first relationship, and the farthest either of us has gone sexually before. We don't have any people to ask what's normal and what isn't.
The main problem is he hasn't been able to finish. He can finish if he's masturbating himself, sitting up, with no lube. At first we thought it was the new sensation of his penis being WET and that it would pass. It didn't. Then he admitted that after about 5-10 minutes of oral, he goes numb. Vaginal he says he can't feel anything at all. I get very very wet, so that could be a possibility why. After almost a year, that's another reason we thought he may be losing attraction to me/maybe he never was attracted to me.
The other problem we have is with penetration. We could never find a position that was right. I'm too small to be on top. He's too barrel chested and my knees couldn't even reach the bed. His legs cramp up in positions where he's on top, but it looks like that's our only option for right now. The goal...I don't know. Expectations...same. Lube is fine.
We tried not making orgasm the goal in the beginning for the first few months (he did say he's NEVER been able to orgasm with a woman), but nothing got better. He would sometimes get me off, but I could never get him off. And I've been down there close to 40 minutes before. We also just moved in together and honestly with his job, he hasn't had much alone time. I think I messed with his brain a little...I was on an anti anxiety medicine that made me crazy. I saw he was looking at porn, which I have no problem with. *I* look at porn. But that medicine made me take it completely out of context. I cried and it made him feel terrible. Now he says he doesn't WANT to look at those pictures, he wants to be intimate with me, and that he only was looking because our sex life was so bad and he wasn't physically satisfied.
I feel so horrible for possibly ruining porn for him. I didn't mean to. But that medicine made me think and feel and say things...
I know men use that line of needing to orgasm a lot, but this guy deserves a freaking award. He treats me right, he shows me affection, he hasn't given me any reason to believe he's cheating or ever would. All he wants is to enjoy sex with me and orgasm once in a while.
After our talk, we decided we need to explore a bit more. I've brought up the idea of him masturbating to finish before, but I think now he may be a little more open to it, after our mini success the other night.