Where to begin. Outside of my fiance and immediate family, I've never shared this video or this story with anyone. It's one part self reflection and one part accomplishing a goal...
You see, I am a singer. Well, I was. When I was 20 I was geared up to attend a major music conservatory. I had a patron who generously payed for my flights to New York and San Francisco for live auditions at the schools which had selected my pre-screening CD. Then, letter after letter came back...not accepted..."We regret to inform you...". I had worked SO hard and invested so much time, money, and effort into this goal. I was crushed. My voice teacher was astounded, he invited a friend involved in opera to do a workshop with me and give me ideas to increase my chances. Very kindly, the man explained to me that admissions people in the classical music world were not likely to admit a student of my size. I did not handle it well. I became depressed, started abusing substances to distract myself from negative thoughts, and got involved with someone who was equally in a bad spot. Surrounding some unfortunate circumstances, my baby girl was conceived. While now she is the light of my life (well, one of two!), at the time I thought I had failed myself and my family, and that I had no hope of singing again.
Well, it's taken a long time and a lot of self reflection, but I'm just now starting to sing again...for the joy of it, not to get into a conservatory. I couldn't even stand to listen to what were once some of my favorite pieces because I associated them with painful memories...but maybe time does heal all wounds? My first performance in nearly five years is coming up this Saturday. It's a goal I have been thinking about for a long time, but had been lacking the courage to accomplish. I would tell myself nobody wants to hear me if they can see my body too, but...I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! If anybody doesn't like my body they can DEAL...I've been inspired by the ladies on this forum not to let my weight keep me from living life. I've done enough of that. I am excited, but nervous.
This is a video that a family member posted on youtube of the last public performance I sang in, 2008. I've never told anyone it was there because I was so humiliated that my weight kept me from accomplishing my dream, but I'm putting it out there now...Here's to smiling and singing louder when everyone wants you to shut up!*CHEERS* Move boldly through the world ladies...don't give up on yourself!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhWWhzuGqtY