My next check-up is in three months. For years my doctor has been on at me to reduce my weight because of high blood pressure, bad cholestoral etc. It is a busy surgery so they won't necessarily remember me.

I'm thinking of my response when she takes note of my new weight. I might try to convince them for a minute that their scales must be wrong and that I have always been this size.

Any other cheap gags I could try to pull?

Tell them it was your evil twin before lol

When she says, "Wow, you've lost weight!"

You reply, "Really, Oh that's what's happening. Is that all right?"

Tell them the lower weight is because you had your parasitic twin removed. Name your imaginary twin for extra weird factor.

Ok I am using this one!
Maybe, "I'm glad you finally got me on the right meds!"

I like Mozzy and Saga's answers

This was not weight-related, but I tried to punk the surgeon who was repairing my fingers when my hand was in a food processor and it turned on

me, high on pre-op drugs - "Doctor, will I be able to play the piano?"

Doctor - "Vermontmom, we're going to do the best we can"

me - "That's great! because I can't play the piano"

Maybe it was only funny to someone ridiculously high and floating

Ian I hope you can find the perfect punk for the visit!

Thanks VermontMom and . It's still brewing. A few months 'til my next visit so plenty of time. Would like pre-op drugs. Do they do those for check ups?

Tell the Doc that up until the day of your appointment you weren't overweight just really constipated. Well Doc whatta ya know, woke up this morning had and was finally able to go.

Ok, OUCH!!!!! How did your fingers heal up? And I will NEVER EVER not unplug my food processor every again when there's a blade in it, even though it's SUPPOSEDLY not supposed to be able to turn on with the lid off. EEEEEEK!

If she says, "Ian, you have lost weight" you could reply, "Oh, did I take Ian's appointment? My name's Ivan..."
Though, here in NZ anyway, you get called into the appointment so that might not work

sorry it took me a couple days to see this! thank goodness I was relatively lucky (I quickly wrapped a towel around my finger/hand, and was SO afraid to look, i was afraid it was chopped off) The blade cut to the bone on my right index finger, and partially into the next finger. This happened about 15 years ago or so; all flexibility regained maybe 3 years after; most nerve function later than that. My index finger-nail is weird, it's split down the middle and looks like a cloven hoof and the finger is overall much bigger (fatter) than my other one.

I agree to ALWAYS unplug the darn things when you are removing the blade this happened at my work and I was using a Robo Coupe and the safety function was broken. My chef boss who was shaken by this, probably because of his partial responsibility of not providing us with a safe unit, said to me 'but you knew the safety was broken, Holly'. That was pretty sucky!

OK sorry to thread jack back to helping Ian get funny jokes

Doctor: Ian, you have lost weight!
Ian: Really? I lost my keys too, so maybe they are in the same place! I'll have to go over the glove compartment...
(Does it suck too much?)