I am EXHAUSTED, so I'll catch up on personals and (private chats) in the morning... plus it's cuddle time with my hunny buns

BUT

I wanted to share my newest addition! I sat really well, it was super easy, and it's not painful so that was a great session... it takes a lot out of you though. I was worried I'd be starving and stuff my face but I stayed OP and made chicken, eggplant, and zuchinni with soy and ginger for dinner.







Goodnight all!

Joss, the tattoo looks absolutely gorgeous!

Jossfit- you look gorgeous and the colors are SO vivid. Thank you so much for your kind words - I read your story (I think on bodubuilding.com?) and can relate to so much. Eggplant is NOM
Kakers-I know what you mean. Im scared to try on pants that I could wear a week ago.
CHickiechicks-that only means more waist definition! your waist will look even tinier in comparison to the rib cage! hehehe
Leilajay- I always find that its with it with good food that you normally can't get - pls when you come back that food wont be available so you can def get back down in weight if you gain any!
Lockitup- man o man does ur daughter have a tough time when the doctor needs to stick that popsicle stick in the throat? Cause I had the worst time and still do when I get a strep throat test!
also i hear that wedding dresses size quite small'
mottainai-im trying to use financial reasons as a way to not binge lol…binging is VEry expensive - esp that pattern of being and tossing
Turbomammoth-congrats! and the chicken sounds SOSO SO good. mmm indian spices. totally smart that you are listening to your body.

Hey all. I just can't sleep right now. Totally scarfed a billion calories. I'm going to try to get through this by writing about positive things that I am doing for myself. First of all, I'm trying to look into the possible causes - I think quitting my job/insurance, HR ignoring my long complaint letter about my boss, trapped in BK cause of Sandy, and planning my bday when friends are out of town or they never moved out of my hometown. I have a tough time making friends in NYC - no one ever seems to follow up with hanging out…
I just feel lonely in the day time when everyone else is off to work, even though the city is very exciting.
AND this STUPID chest cold i've had for 2 weeks! I wake up coughing...i'll buy some nighttime cold meds later ugh.
Also I found a mouse this morning by my stove. I'm up like 10 lbs - its likely mostly water weight - 35000 cals beyond what I burn…well I'd throw up eating that much!
Also, I will see at least a few people for my bday, and I will splurge on restarting my therapy. I am also volunteering on Monday and entering a cookie contest in December.
In a direct way to take care of the binging-I also…REFUSE to buy more food. I know that I can buy lighter calorie food or something than what I have in the house - but this is how I binge - I buy lots of low cal food eat a lot of it, throw it out, then eat what I have and then I buy more low cal food. I have enough to eat in my house and I'd rather just stick with that then go in some strange buying cycle that I always do. Except I did have to throw out my PB. We all know thats dangerous in binging times. I just get so scared and shaky about this being my SECOND time 50 lb regain. Once is enough…what a nightmare. But I'm trying to feel more steady and heal myself on the inside first and hopefully talking to someone and taking some action to dig myself out of this will help.

Just wanted to say, wow, Joss, that looks phenomenal!!

Just a really quick check in!

pixellate : I can totally relate to you on the no job part. This is totally a binge inducing factor for me. It's a day to day struggeling..

joss : your sleeve is amaaaaazing! I'm so jealous, I want to get tattoos (frist ones, heeeeee) when I'll get a job.

***

It's my birthday! (we gon' party like it's your birthdayyy)

(sorry, too much coffee. )

Some friends are coming over tomorrow from montreal and 2 are sleeping at our place. And the place is a mess. I have a 35 checkpoint list to do, clean up today. Plus I need to go and shop for the baby shower gift that we are also attending tomorrow... was on my way there yesterday but the place I was going was on lock down, a building exploded nearby and the area was restricted.. such a sad story.

It's friiiiday! Have a good day everyone!!

Chickie - That's actually really really comforting. My (tiny) mom assured me that her ribcage expanded during pregnancies and never went back and it changed her bra and shirt size and that was probably what it was, but she's my mom and I didn't believe her LOL!

Kakers - Oh wedding dresses! I feel like it will haunt me till I can fit in it! I also feel like I lose more when I drink a lot of diet soda. But I also think I just tend to eat less when I drink tons of it because it fills me up.

Joss - That is just gorgeous!!! So glad you were able to stay OP. I've been wanting to get another tattoo for years, I haven't gotten one since I was 19, I keep making these plans and designs and then last minute I don't do it because I am afraid I'll have a better idea later. All of the 4 tattoos I have were super impulsive, little, crappy, tattoos I got when I was 18 and 19, so I really want to have my next one be really meaningful. Apparantly so meaningful that I is taking me over a decade to do it!

Leila - Bless you for caring for another person's children (I simply cannot stand most children besides my own!).

Pixelllate - Ohmigosh, yes she hates that so much!!! And BIG hugs . Really sounds like you are in the midst of a very tough time right now. Doesn't it seem like sometimes it just ALL comes crashing down and life takes a big ol' crap on you! Sending tons of positivity your way!!!

TURBO - Today is my dad's birthday as well! Happy happy happy birthday!


***********************

148 again today! I guess I really am officially in the 140s! Met up with a friend last night for Margaritas at our favorite local Mexican restaurant. I planned to have 2 Margaritas and just have chips and salsa. My friend is super skinny, always has been (met her at 11 years old, 30 now!), so I figured I'd just eat at her pace, and it worked out very well! Didn't gain! Huge victory for me!

LockItUp - Thats pretty impressive to still be at a new low after some margaritas, chips and salsa! If ANYTHING is going to put water weight on, it would be that. I'm so happy for you!!

I tend to be somewhat impulsive, so the idea to get more work done on my tattoo to actually getting it yesterday came full-circle pretty quickly. Yes, they are forever, and yes, you need to be happy with them. If you don't like what you have now you could always try a cover up!

Turbo - Happy Birthday! You sound so busy! Have fun today and enjoy your delicious dinner with your BF and friends.

Mottainai - Thank you! It turned out really well so far. LOL, yes, SO FAR... There will be more! I hope Thursday worked out for you, since you were feeling a little on edge.

Pixelllate - There are a few of us that are feeling a bit of a slump in our lives lately, and there is nothing wrong with that... it's totally normal! I am going through a really weird phase right now and I'm just trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other until things get a bit easier. I think that trying to focus on the positives in your life is an excellent way to keep your head above water, and I think that soon the rest will iron itself out a bit.

Leila - Thanks lady! Good luck this weekend!

Kakers - It's funny the little rituals and superstitions we have regarding the scale! haha
How did the WI go??

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I'm sure I missed some stuff so I really apologize!

If you'll all indulge me, I'm feeling quite low today! ):

Yesterday I was feeling so weird...I'd had a couple really perfectly on plan days, and that tends to bring out the perfectionist in me, and I was starting to slide into that "trapped" feeling where I get very anxious about any deviations from more perfect behavior. And I know that's a bad place to be! So I was a little more relaxed about how much I ate for dinner...probably realistically did not eat too much, but still feel like I did.

This morning I was frustrated because I still want to binge. And I just keep thinking, I feel like I'm making no progress, not getting any thinner, whywhywhy....

Then I got a cramp in my calf and couldn't finish my workout properly. THEN, I guess because I thought I ought to make myself feel worse, lol, I went off and weighed myself: was 117, still, even without shoes. I feel like it should be lower than that after several weeks of cutting down on binges so much and sticking to my diet and exercise so well!

To be honest, right now I really just want to give up and binge my face off-- but I can't! Thank goodness, I guess, for that, but it's still a nasty frustrating feeling. /:

Wishing everyone else a better Friday than mine!! haha


**EDITED to re-check-in, because I'm feeling much better now. Just got some cash but am not going to buy binge food (thankfully I'm so anal about how and when I binge, and it's past the prescribed allowable hour, lol).
I've also spent some time sort of midway evaluating my goals... I'm going to plan on doing exactly like I am now, expecting to lose just about 2-3 pounds more in the next month. And then I'll switch into maintenance, monitoring my weight especially while I'm on vacation, and just experimenting with staying in the 110-115 range at least until the new year. Re-eval after that, but for now, that's my very doable plan, and I feel much better for having clarified it, for some reason.
I'm so grateful for this board and this space to share things!! It's so helpful.

------------------------------------

Joss- Thanks for the encouragement. Really, the tattoo is so cool, can't wait to see even more! I don't think I could ever get one, especially not as much as you have, but I've got to admit, yours look really great, probably some of the best I've ever seen. Very cool. I hope you've been doing better these days? No more binges, and enjoying being with your husband?

Lockitup- YAY for really being in the 140's!! That's great, and really well done surviving the Mexican food, too. Sounds like you're really doing awesome!

Turbo- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Hope you enjoy your day so much! (: Take pictures for us??

pixellate- Sorry to hear you're dealing with so many stressful things. I'm sending you all my support with the binge eating. I've struggled with binging for years and years and years now, so I really get how tough it is. ): I also hear you on feeling lonely! Since I moved to a new, big city about a year ago, I've had a much harder time making friends too.

kakers- It sounds like you're doing so well for being so busy even! Keep it up! I'm the same way with the diet soda and tea too, lol.

Chickie- Hope you are doing well!

Leila- Thank you so much, your quick comment actually saved me yesterday a bit, haha. Just being reminded that I have a refeed next week, totally legitimately, was so good for my motivation to not get so down and off track! Have fun with dinners, and do your best!

I have to post one more, since it's looking much better today! You can see all the shading/blending now that it isn't so red.



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Mottainai - People are either going to read your posts or they aren't, so don't apologize for them! You have to have someplace to talk about your feelings regarding weight loss/gain/binges/eating right/exercising, etc. For a lot of us, we don't have people IRL that we feel comfortable talking to about all of this, or just simply don't want to feel like that's ALL we talk about! I know that I don't want to yak my husband or friends' ears off about it all because A) They would think I was crazy because I'm 'fit', B) They aren't interested in it like I am.

Good for you for setting some modest/moderate goals for the rest of the year! You seem to be very good at making plans for yourself and sticking to them. I have been having trouble with my follow-through lately and it can be so defeating.


I am doing okay the last few days. Honestly I'm REALLY struggling to stay on plan, because there is a precedence now of seeing my husband = party time! Which means going out for dinner, drinks, etc. I am trying to make it through November completely on plan with the exception of Thanksgiving dinner and to limit those treat days to 2 for the month of December.

Happy Friday!
After a very long and stressful work week, I am SO happy to see the weekend.

I'm pretty frustrated...OP all week and no weight loss. I had wine, but I actually counted that into my daily carbs and calories! So...I don't know!
I feel like I want to binge tonight. It's my free night, but I don't think I should take it...I will very likely overdo it. Weekends are hard enough for me, and I hate going in feeling this way!

I wrote a huge response and got timed out. I had to add things back with edits...sorry!

__________________________________________________ _______

Joss...Great tattoo. My husband started a sleeve and I so want to get a tattoo. But..I'm a pain wimp! I worry that I will start one and NOT be able to finish.

Mottainai...I am so feeling your thoughts today on the binge. I read your post, and I thought I wrote it! I'm going to TRY and hold strong...WE can do it! This is the ONLY place I talk about my weight issues. I really don't want anyone to know how obsessed I am with my weight. I'm so happy to know that I am not the only one with these issues.

Turbo...HAPPY BIRTHDAY! May this be your best B-DAY ever!

Kakers...I swear my weight comes off my boobs before anywhere else...Not Happy!

Lockitup...When I put my weigh-in numbers up today, I realized you lost 5 lbs in 9 days! Way to go girl! Margaritas and chips/salsa are my absolute favourite!

Pixellatte...Hang in there! This is just a slump and you will pull yourself out of it.

Leila...Have a great weekend away!

Krampus...Hope you're having fun!

Chickie...Hope you have a great weekend!

Novangel...Welcome!

Happy Bryhday, Turbo!!! my fellow Scorpio. My present to you will be the picture I take of the cake I'm. Aking for my boys party this weekend. It will make you laugh and confirm that there are people in the world who suck at cakes, so you should feel even more awesome! Lol Have a great day!


Joss- sweet tat! I am dying to get more done. Wat type for flowers are those? Lilies?

I am driving myself insane at this point with the party. Sooooooo silly and unnecessary, but true. Blah! Tomorrow and Sunday morning will be a blur of cleaning inside and out, baking, frosting, decorating, etc. thank God we do a joint party...

quick update... decided to go to a dance competition this weekend, the whole weekend, instead of just tomorrow night so getting ready to pack up to go! Best thing about dance weekends- so little access and time for food, so much time for dancing! Most of my calories end up being in adult jello and other alcohol form.

Woke up too late again today and skipped weighing in the morning. I had woken up a couple hours before anyways cause I REALLY had to pee. Weighed myself before my shower though and 152 butt-@$$-nekkid. Not bad! This weekend will clinch it as long as I don't *over* do it on the alcohol

Now to hunt down some clothes that I like and that fit and will make me happy to dance in... this will be the hard part!!

~Katy

Ok.. I binged tonight! Alcohol.. But no food. Surely I will pay tomorrow!

Super quick drive by! Wanted to stop in to 3FC to record my sweet loss! And say hi! Busy weekend. 2 birthday parties today, we will see how that goes.

I will definitely be back for personals and PMs hopefully tomorrow. But I'm doing really well!

LockItUp, you're doing great!
Kakers, enjoy the dance competition! You dance and do gymnastics? It seems like your workouts are so much fun! I have no motivation to get to the gym today, which means I'd better get off my *** and do it before I make a huge excuse not to.
Bayzee - Oh hugs!! I hope you don't feel awful today! As far as tattoos go, I think you'd be surprised how much they don't hurt. If you start one there is no way you would chicken out and not finish it. How stupid would that look?!
Chickie - You're partying this weekend too huh? Don't drive yourself nutty... I'm sure everyone will have a blast!



It's so petty but it seems like everyone else is doing really well, and I feel like I'm losing my G0ddamn mind! People are losing weight and getting into skinny pants and having fun and I am MISERABLE. I just want to eat my face off.