I am embarrassed to have fallen away again from checking in here. This feeling is my own issue, of course -- if anything, y'all never ever contribute to this guilt, thank goodness.

What was I doing? Grappling with a lot of excessive emotions. Just generally running away from some realities and yet also reconnecting with some of my Beck skills.

CREDITS (for last week):
* achieving a GREEN week for exercise (4 days, which on my rainbow smilie sticker system means I get out of the ROY and into the ROYG)
* resisting standing eating
* portioning food
* avoiding late-night snacks
* weighing in
* eating in the spirit of a plan, although completing these for real has been a continuing challenge

The emotions have been extremely powerful and hard to ignore. I feel: frustrated at our living situation (too many people with negative energy and messy habits); unappreciated for all I do around the house; angry at the DP for taking out anger on me; angry at the DP for not dealing with the daughters still living with us; guilty for putting off some professional and teaching goals I had assigned for myself. Again, I am offered the lesson: put myself first and I am a happier person.

Some reality: I just finished a major 8-year program. I got diagnosed with a UTI and needed some real rest last week. Maybe, just maybe, I need some major rest. So I've taken as my mantra Worf's view of procrastination: "A Klingon does not procrastinate! This is a tactical delay."

So I begin this week by prioritizing house goals to my (and to some extent the DP's) benefit. Organizing my clothing space and sorting out the clothes I'll wear for teaching; planning where to store my teaching materials; etc. A bittersweet moment: me, sitting in the middle of seventy-two library books, preparing to return them to my University. I have decided to make my checklist for return into a Checklist for Future Purchase.

CURRENT BECK CHALLENGE:

* maintain last week's credits
* seriously commit to making Food Plans
* give some serious thought to why I might be circling around the same four pounds

Sending much positive energy to your parts of the world!

Diet Coaches/Buddies - The saga continues: Once again I failed to return the wallet. I've become mesmerized with trying to catch this person at home (without knocking on their door after dark). And I've become addicted to the short walk (CREDIT moi) taking minor variations to observe some houses that I don't walk by often. Saw a new brick and paving stone driveway with a pleasing design. Did gym (CREDIT moi) where the one guy who speaks to me asked if I'd gotten my hair cut, which I had. Can't believe a guy would notice such a thing and then mention it.

Food was on plan, CREDIT moi. I avoided Whole Foods when I walked to Trader Joe's for bananas and some frozen entrees. I had planned to avoid the FREE sample, but it was a small cube of frozen juice which I took to reward myself for walking in the heat. I deliberately avoided the bags and bags of tree nuts that I often buy while I'm letting my wandering hands learn to behave themselves.


onebyone – LMAO at "I'd much rather sit here and type out the words "do the dishes" than actually go and do the dishes" - I have so done that. Wonderful news that your DH is charging forth; that meal sounds great and hearing that your DH had a veggie snack is just boggling.

Joy (gardenerjoy) – Wonderful image, "lifted logs like barbells."

Beverlyjoy – Yep, it does feel "funny" when we don't eat what's going down around us. Kudos for just accepting that feeling to stay your path.

Mary (MaryContrary) – I am so stealing, "A Klingon does not procrastinate! This is a tactical delay." O course, the last thing I need is a clever excuse for one of my most challenging issues. Kudos for moving forward despite the challenges of your living situation. I can feel the bittersweet of returning all those library books.

Ann (Newlifestyle) - Yep, Kudos for posting and for being aware that there's a slippery slope.

Elizabeth (Elizabeth779) - Yay for water aerobics for just being fun! [Yep, black and white thinking seems to creep in so unnecessarily.]

soonfit - (Belated) Happy Birthday! Kudos for choosing ice water over wine in a social situation.

spanky - Sending supportive thoughts as you walk your beloved Cairn Terrier Finnegan to the bridge. I've taken that walk with our Aussie of 15 years and know the pain. Your covered skywalk sounds like a super place.

Readers -

Hi Coaches!

I'm still focused just having to deal with events as they come. Yesterday sis was flying in and I had to go back to work as my replacement gal had to take her DH to a dr appt. Sis' flight was late and I had to make a very quick decision. I was the lead car and my mom(91) drove behind, with my DH as a watcher. We drove all the way to the airport together and I got her into the parking garage...into the concourse to baggage claim where she would wait for my sis. I turned right around and got to work. It was interesting but worked.
Food is good and weight is good. credit.

spanky, anyone who has ever loved a dog (or cat) understands your pain. I have lost 2 beloved dogs since I started dieting. Sometimes we sat together and sometimes they watched me exercise. Either way, all he wants is to be around you. Take care, friend.

Good morning Coaches,
Today is a beautiful day. It is not as humid as it has been. Nice change.
I realize DH is stressful, he does day trading and when he has other plans he expects me to do his day trading. I am sitting on my computer typing while refreshing his computer with stocks he is watching. I told him he can take a break from it, he is worried he will miss something, I reminded him if he is that worried he could stay home and watch them himself. I keep teasing him he puts too much pressure on me. I will not overeat over this. Who am I kidding, I will not have time to overeat...joking. I hope I finish this day trading early enough to go for a walk. I enjoy walking around this area as I see so many interesting things. Each day it is like a new adventure, if only my mind. I try and make all my walks fun. Credit for posting re the slippery slope.

Debbie, great plan with the car at the airport. You are always so inventive. I am so thankful you are one of my coaches. You think outside the box.

onebyone –How exciting your DH preparing the meal from scratch. This really is great he is so proactive with his diabetes.

Bill- I enjoy your persistence with the wallet adventure/walking program/ I too make up excuses to go out walking. I like an adventure. Imagine how thankful the rightful owner will be getting it back, even though they cancelled the credit cards, etc, thinking it had been stolen..lol. Congratulations practicing avoidance with the bags of tree nuts.

Joy – It is so great when you can get spontaneous exercise while doing something to help another. Great idea about packing your own lunch. I am going to borrow that for a few occasions, thank you.

Beverlyjoy – It is wonderful your grandchildren are close enough for you to enjoy. Young children bring such joy. My son has two friends, that are always at our house. The parents keep saying how happy they are to get rid of them. We enjoy them here so we are okay with it. I am just sad for them as they are missing out on so much.

Mary – Good luck with all the organizing in your home. It is difficult when we put others in the equation, but the joy those others bring is worth it. Yikes to 72 library books. You must be special, they only let me take out a handful at my library....lol

Elizabeth - How was the Olive Garden, it is one of my favorite places. There isn't one very close to me. Water aerobics sounds like fun.

soonfit - Happy Birthday. Yikes that calories count on your birthday. I for some reason fail to remember this every time I have a birthday. Thankfully, it only happens once a year....lol

spanky - Hugs to you. Finnegan is lucky to have you as I feel you are lucky to have him. Take care.


Hello to everyone else.
Have a great day.
Has anyone heard from Erika?
Take Care
Ann

I never wrote a plan for yesterday. Sometimes I do fine anyway, but not now.

I realized, again, that feeling behind is a trigger for wanting to overeat. Then, I had the horrible sabotaging thought that if feeling behind is the only excuse I allow for overeating, why was I working so hard to get ahead? Sheesh. Let's sabotage my healthy lifestyle, my writing, and every other goal I have in one sabotaging thought. I think not.

I skipped my weigh-in because I didn't need to see a discouraging number this morning. But I have an action plan and a food plan so I anticipate today going much better.

WI: NA kgs, Exercise: +30 270/1400 minutes for August, Food: NA op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

spanky: so sorry about Finn -- take care of yourself at this time!

MaryContrary: I love your rainbow smilie system. I've gotta get me some of those! And the words of wisdom from Worf are just perfect!

Hello Everyone,

A very busy weekend at my house and the realization that it's really easy to not follow a plan when you keep the BDS book in my work bag and out of sight. Food wise it was not the best, I decided (can't blame anyone but me) that we should have Chinese food on Sunday night as I was going to pick up a friend of DS with him. It has been way too hot for my liking (not sure how some of you handle this - I'm guessing with some A/C to start with) I'd easily take a blast of winter snow right now. Consequently neither DH or I felt anything like cooking. Our dinner for 4 lasted for 2 dinners and 2 lunches for DH. Of course the place I really noticed it was on the scale but completely expected in being up. I'll keep up on the water to flush the sodium and such out. I'm going to take credit for making our lunches last night (DH - Chinese food, me - big salad with tuna and some watermelon) and also getting our breakfast stuff organized. Also wrote down a plan for today's food so that's one step. I have not yet read my cards today but will do so after posting here.

Exercise was some gardening, walking Dexter early in the day, playing with him in the backyard and decided to deconstruct, sand and paint a park bench that sits on our front step. I still need to powerwash the wrought iron pieces and spray paint them a new color before attempting to rebuilt it! Hopefully it all goes back together correctly.

Hope everyone has a great day

Update Figured out how to get a photo of Dexter for my avatar. Of course he's grown more since this one was taken 10 days ago.

Hi coaches/friends.... yesterday was healthy... I am grateful for that.

While I was visiting my grandkids, I kept boucning my three month old on my knee while doing rhymes. This along with a four hour drive home makes for an painful ankle (my ankle with the compromised tendon). I will rest and ice, etc. Phooey .

I logged my food yesterday and weighed today. (down)

Trying different smoothies. Adding just a little bit of spinach to see if it gives me a tummy ache. (news at 11:00)

Hope you are all having a good day.

Hi Coaches

Well gang, I could give you a long long list of everything that I have to do or I could tell you what I have already done.
That would be much shorter so I'll do that.
*credit* planning exercise around a chore and completing it in the morning. The chore was buying a new cordless phone cause ours got fried in a recent thunderstorm (I think-I hated that phone). The exercise happened cause I asked DH to drop me off at the store on his way to work, and without the car I had to walk home = exercise.
*credit* weighed myself on the wii. I was positive my weight would be up, as I have not tracked since our medical appointments last Thursday, and instead saw a 1.1lb drop to 251.7lbs. What I was positive would happen was not the reality. Not the first time.
*credit* posting here

That's about it and it's almost 3pm. I have an apartment to clean, paintings to plan and to paint, ceramic things to plan and to make, market commissions to complete for the weekend, stuff to make for Friday afternoon.

Geez, no wonder I feel under the gun. Hello?
I'd better go make a plan.

Oh and I'm going to take a special *credit* for finally mailing off my letter to the tax people. That took special, dedicated, effort and even with that, the letter was ready to go, signed, sealed, addressed, last week. So yes, a credit for sending it off today, with tracking, so I know it got there.

I'm off now to do a Beckian thing: make a plan.

Bye.

I'm up, I'm down, I'm hovering at the top of a steep pitch, screaming "Nooooo!" but the carney is not listening.
First of all, my weight is down- 3 pounds in two weeks since weigh in Ok, fine, working the program does work, dang it!
Second, awesome bike ride alongside a beautiful lake today. You have to find your passion, whether it is work or sport; I HATE to run and consider it hard and painful, but my little secret is that on a bike, I'm usually sweating like a pig, gasping for air, and yelling Further! Faster! Steeper! I don't mind the effort on my trusty bike on a mountain trail.
Third, I turned down the job. One minute I am giddy with relief over that, mostly because I finally made a decision, next I am panicked over what if no one else wants to hire me? But the stark reality was, however rewarding the work, we would have been on food stamps with that job, so might as well risk that waiting for one that pays a salary we can live on.
Spent an hour in my fav coffee shop this morning doing Beck stuff--planning, listing, reading. I figure August has to really cement a bunch of this for me, so that when everything gets crazy in September, wherever I work (my own first grade classroom or the Burger King down the street ) I can do diet and exercise as a routine that I am already committed to and is (somewhat) easy.
OP today, and yes I have a plan for the rest of the day.
Beverlyjoy, I wanna bounce grandkids on my knee--lucky you, even though it caused an ouwie.
Tazzy, If you hide it, it doesn't exist--yes I've tried that strategy before with Beck materials, or weights, or other exercise materials...Gotta keep it right under your nose! PS Dexter is adorable
Gardenerjoy, We can come up with such clever ways to talk ourselves into whatever we want, can't we? Why isn't it as easy to talk ourselves into what is best for us?

Quick check in...

Credit yesterday for volunteering to work at my ds's baseball snackstand and not eating anything. You wouldn't believe the amount of people that eat cheesefries (superyuck)!
Today went to the beach and planned to overeat, so that went well. I will weigh in and post tomorrow.

Day 10 of Atkins totally OP--score!
Cardio and weights done--point!
Read my ARC twice--yay!

I was having a new snack today at work and was so lost in how good it was [Black Forest Ham slices rolled around some cream cheese] that I walked around with it telling everyone about it and didn't sit down. I didn't realize until the last bite. Lesson learned. Tomorrow I'll do the "Hunger or Craving ? Exercise" in the book.

I'm thinking I'm able to do this diet while Finn is so sick because I want to feel like I can at least control something. Odd, but that's how it seems to be working.

I want to thank everyone for the kind personals regarding Finn. I want to start doing personals when I get through Day 14.

spanky

Didn't get to go see my therapist in LA b/c the car needed some emergency service and the 10 fwy was totally shut down. So the library books wait sadly in the back of my car. I handled the day's shifts with relative calm: unexpected auto expenses, multiple insects in kitchen (they come in to escape extreme heat), etc.

Still, I had my therapist's voice in my head, and combined with the ruminating challenges I set in my last post, I realized that I need to recognize 1) how much I have accomplished since posting here and 2) that the expectations I place on myself have always been very high and challenging (usually based in a negative view of what I have accomplished).

More of a reality:

I have made a successful return to exercise and am steadily building the colors of my rainbow weeks (see picture below). gardenerjoy, and others, these stickers and colors really please the younger parts of myself (aka the Brat).

I have brought back into consciousness many of the Beck skills that got shoved out of my brain for my dissertation.

I have already begun planning how to maintain these skills once my new teaching begins.

Most importantly, I have lost the 4-5 pounds of English fluff I gained during my stay there.

Today's credits:
* weighed in
* controlled my salt intake at evening
* ate in the spirit of a plan
* checked in here
* gave myself credit

Much positive energy to all!

Hi Coaches!

Checking in before we head over the Continental Divide for several days. My food choices were very poor last evening and I made very little attempt to resist. Fortunately, I have today to make some better choices. Family will come tomorrow so I have my meals planned out "just for today". I'm going to try and plan tomorrow's, too, with meals which suit everyone's needs.

Diet Coaches/Buddies - I am so hooked. I walked twice (CREDIT moi) to attempt to return the wallet; No joy. She hadn't taken in her mail before dark and I didn't want to bang on her door after dark and possibly frighten her. Having such a good time that I now begin to wonder what I'll do with myself when this resolves - I'll have to find a new hobby, LOL. Walked to our community garden where I harvested our first full sized tomatoes. Picked about ten large and two dozen cherry sized.

Eating was on plan, CREDIT moi. Dinner consisted of tomatoes from our garden, cukes from our garden and frozen tamales from Trader Joe's. That included three servings of tomatoes - with just a touch of balsamic vinegar. Yummy beyond yummy.


onebyone – Yay for "make a plan" in response to "under the gun." Kudos for taking on the grocery store even with the walk home carrying the spoils.

Joy (gardenerjoy) – Kudos for demonstrating that a Sabotaging Thought can just be downright demonic in trying to entwine itself into all the good parts of your life.

Debbie (Lexxiss) – Congrats for such planning skills that you can include your replacement's DH's doctor's appointment. What a web. Kudos for some "just for today" thinking.

Nature Girl – I so vicariously love your awesome bike ride stories. Congrats on those three pounds gone forever and Three Kudos for following up on that loss with planning.

Beverlyjoy – Yay for filling the brain of your three month old DGD with the beautiful rhyming sounds of the English language - even though you did it at the cost of knee pain. You'll hear yourself coming out of her mouth in about twelve months.

Mary (MaryContrary) - Ouch for the reality of an LA freeway in your life with Kudos for using your "therapist's voice in my head" instead. Goodbye English fluff.

Tazzy - Love the new Dexter avatar. We handle heat with fans, not A/C, and it sure does kill the desire to turn on a stove. Good luck on your wrought iron bench project.

Ann (Newlifestyle) - Congrats for tending your day trading in person; I'm fascinated by the Knight Capital story of errant software spiking the market and losing some $400 Million dollars for the company. I'm waiting to see whose heads roll: the software team given an impossible deadline or the management team that insisted on launch without test. Kudos for "I will not overeat over this."

soonfit - Oh Yes, Kudos for not eating while working the snack stand.

spanky - LOL at the sight of you marching around with your yummy snack without even thinking about sitting down. Sending a gentle behind-the-ears-rub to Finn.

Readers -

Yesterday wasn't perfect but better than the previous day and better than last Tuesday. Credit for trying something new on a Tuesday that seemed to help. Progress not perfection!

WI: +0.9kgs, Exercise: +45 315/1400 minutes for August, Food: 80% op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

MaryContrary: thanks for the visual aid -- I like it!