Quote:
Originally Posted by k8yk
Yes. And I get angry when people insult their OWN past selves too!
Fat me IS me. I'm just smaller now. If you didn't want to talk to me then because I was fat, don't bother now.
Yes!! I feel bewildered when people insult their past self because of poor body image. "Fat me" was the motivated chick who kick-started the journey of weight loss in the first place, for that I am proud of myself! And wouldn't you have to love yourself enough to even begin taking care of your body? I sure was disappointed with myself and my eating habits and attitudes before, but I will never hate myself. I did not become a "new" person. I became
stronger.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EricAnn
This is what bugs me the most... like they are trying to take credit for the work YOU did, like they were your main motivation... Grr!
I agree.. Man this extends beyond the family and it is terrible. I was working part-time as a clinic assistant in a factory and I had 2 colleagues who were very sweet. (long story ahead) And we had a cleaner who was responsible for cleaning up the area every day before closing time. So anyway, we call her 'Auntie" and my colleagues will chat with her when she comes (we call almost every older person "auntie/uncle" as a way to show politeness, regardless of the lack of blood relationship").
My colleague, H, was 4 years older than me but was the youngest there so the Auntie has always called her "xiao mei" (youngest sister/ endearing term for girls much younger than you are)
H said jokingly "Auntie, I'm not the xiao mei anymore! She's younger than me!" (gesturing towards me)
Now for the apex of the story. She replied "She's not xiao mei! She's pang mei mei! (fat younger sister)"
I was very hurt to say the least. And that came after I have lost 6 kg!! (~13 lbs) My other colleague, E, defended me and said "Eh Auntie! She has already lost a lot of weight!" To which the Auntie said "Not enough" and went on and on about how they had a colleague who was overweight and they teased him. And how he asked them to continue to call him "fatty" so that he will stay motivated to lose weight and he eventually did lose the weight.
Insults form a terrible psychological abuse. The auntie had to cheek to say "hey don't be angry" when I remained silent. The only appropriate response here will be "Nevermind, it's OK" (as if I took it as a "joke").
Hope that I'll never see her again. I can't imagine how smug she'll be if she sees me and think that she was a great motivating force which led me to START losing weight (completely untrue). Then again, if I ever see her again and she make those remarks, I should probably educate her nicely (as much as possible).
As
kaplods said, verbal abuse does NOT work. And I do agree that indirect comment/disapproving looks can hurt as much as abrasive words do. Sometimes we get both together and it's like a blinding flash of lightning followed by the deafening thunder. Terrible that we have to deal with this sort of behaviour. Gah.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaplods
Ultimately you can't control others opinions or prevent them from speaking them, but you don't have to respect the opinion or let it hurt you. Sometimes the best way to deal with them is to say what YOU want to say back (even if you can only do it in your own head).
A response that I found kept the peace AND made me feel great was to seem to agree without lying. A smile and outwardly saying "you could be right about that" while thinking "in an alternate universe where cats rule the world and a flying pig is president."
I like this method. I shall use it to keep my cool the next time I meet them.
Thank you!
Quote:
Originally Posted by froggydawgy
Can you, within your culture, just ignore them and change the subject?
"How nice to see you. How are your grandchildren?"
or
give as good as you get?
"Yes, I was fat. I see you have gotten more wrinkled. Have you bought any cremes for that?"
or smother them with sarcasm?
"How wonderfully perceptive of you. I never knew I was fat. Thank you for telling me. I am going to have to completely adjust my perception of myself and remember that FAT is the most important thing about me!!"
Well, only the first suggestion.
Haha!!
froggydawgy I love your suggestions!. My aunts and uncles mostly don't have grandchildren yet but they have better things to do with their children than to make hurtful comments. They may be old but they sure ain't mature. (I hope the children don't take after them). As for my grandma, I will just let it slide since she's so old already.
As for the second suggestion, I REALLY LOVE IT!!! I would use it but I would be immediately disowned by my parents so nope haha.
Hm for the last one huh, I actually think that it MAY work. If it gets really bad then I'll tweak it and use it in a way such that I won't be disowned haha.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dancingirl81
Some people are just @$$3$. At least there's a cure for fat ;-) there's no cure for being an @$$.
Heh I totally agree. There are just people who are incredibly dense and rude! I wish compliments were delivered in a civilised manner, with no insults attached!! Oh and those who don't even give back-handed compliments, they just go straight in for the attack and mockery. Oh well, I lose my fat, but they have yet to lose their ugly personality.
Wow this is such a long rambling reply haha! Thanks for sharing your experiences with me!