I feel bad because I had always imagined what it would be like when my cousins had kids. But my cousin is pregnant and I do not approve. She is not married has only been with the guy a year and a half does not have her own place is only 21 and dropped out of college(at first she said she planned on going back to college but now that she is pregnant I doubt she will find the time to go back) I have posted about this subject before about how it bothers me so much when teens get pregnant and are unwed then this happens to my cousin. I don't understand why girls can't stand up to to their boyfriends. I mean do you think it is ever the girl who is like "oh yeah I want you to c**** in me" you know???? its the guy who wants to do it. But it is the girls fault for letting them. Anyways she said she was off the pill because she was switching pills and she didn't know that she had to wait until taking the new one a full cycle. Whatever its just gross. I am not a prude I am quite promiscuous actually but that crosses the line for me. ANYWAYS I wish that she was in a point in her life where I could be happy for her and say "congratulations" I have not congratulated her I haven't even talked about it with her, she showed my mom the sonogram while I was in the room and I didn't go over and look at it. I saw it on facebook already. I feel bad because I just graduated from college and she told me "congratulations" should I say congrats to her? What about when she has the kid and brings her(its a girl) around me.

Even if she and her boyfriend did WANT a child it is wrong and selfish to WANT a child when you cannot properly provide for your child! so even if they did WANT a child we shouldn't all just do things we WANT now should we?
She also does not have health insurance and she cannot qualify for free insurance at the moment so if you WANT a child shouldn't you be sure that you have proper care for you and the child? it makes me very upset.

sorry if this turned into a rant...
What should I say to my cousin should I just continue to ignore that this is happening or should I say congrats to her?

Well, you can't put the baby back.

Your cousin may not have done things in the proper order. Date, finish college, get a career, get married, etc. but it is what it is. She needs your support now, not your self sanctimonious, holier than thou attitude.

One thing you said, I take issue with. "It's the girls fault for letting them."

Men are equally responsible for their reproduction. If they don't want children, they need to suck it up and make sure they don't get someone pregnant by taking precautions themselves. I'm sick to death of men getting off the hook, on that subject, and the woman getting all the responsibility and/or blame.

You don't have to approve of a person's choices to be supportive of them, and children should never ever be considered a mistake. The pregnancy may be unplanned, but the child is a miracle, regardless.

My biological mother was a college student. She gave me up, and while my adoptive mother was grateful for the opportunity to receive me, she also never hid her astonishment that anyone could give up a child under any circumstances or her astonishment that anyone would refuse to support - physically and emotionally a family member in such a situation. She just couldn't invision a family in which parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, and uncles wouldn't rally together to support the mother and child. I now realize her views are naive and oversimplified (but understandable considering her desperate desire to have children).



My mother was barely 19 when she married my father. They knew each other less than a year before marrying and were married less than a year before applying to adopt me (when they learned that conceiving a child would be unlikely). Because my bio-parents were in college, it's quite posible that they were older than my adoptive parents, and they were undoubtedly of higher socio-economic class, but the bio-parents chose college and their careers over me.

I don't resent it, but I don't really fell grateful for it either (except in choosing adoption over abortion). The bio-parents aren't my parents, my adoptive parents are - and I was raised to see life as sacred. I was taught that premarital sex and pregnancy were mistakes (but not unforgiveable ones), but child weren't mistakes. A child is never a mistake, only a miracle.


You can judge your cousin, but it will only destroy your relationship with her and with her daughter. And if you disappoint your cousin by judging her so harshly, what do you think you can expect when you make mistakes? Do you want people to turn away from you for a lapse in judgement, or do you want them to help you pick up the pieces when you fall.

Or do you think you're immune from mistakes, that you couldn't ever make an error in judgement that your loved ones would possibly disapprove of?

Never say never, because what seems a no-brainer when it's someone else's mistake, doesn't seem as clear when it's your own mistake. You may never make THIS particulary mistake, but you will make them, and your family members will be in a position to either judge or be supportive. How do you want them to respond when you've made the mistake?

its her decision. its not the way you want to live your life, but her life isnt yours. ive been with my bf 1.5 years, if i got pregnant now it wouldn`t be like i was up a creak without a paddle -not like 1.5 yrs is a one night stand lol, i wouldn`t keep it but thats because i never want kids they dont fit my lifestyle or my wants , call me selfish i dont care lol, but if we did keep the child so what. that would be our choice and we would raise it and we would pay for it and other ppl can stay out of it and shut their mouths or ill start pointing out the things they did that i didnt 'approve' of. 1.5 years is a decent amount of time these days especially when youre in your twenties, its not like we have lived long enough to have a 10 year relationship in the first place. and so what if they arent married? alot of ppl dont get married today and those that do, 50% of them divorce. sadly marriage is just a piece of paper to alot of ppl and youll often find alot more love in longterm non married couples then married ones. not saying all married couples are unhappy or vice versa, but so many get married today just to get married. i plan to marry my bf but itll be once i finish university, not because i want to do that first, i just feel far too young right now at 24 to be married. everyone does things in a different order how they see fit in their lives, its their business, they dont need your approval.

Just say congratulations and wish her a healthy pregnancy and birth. Keep the rest to yourself unless she asks your council.

I'm as opposed to cohabitation and premarital sex as the Pope is Catholic, but arguing someone's irresponsibility or lack of planning to them after the oars have already washed down river isn't much help, you know?

Maybe this will wake them up to the need to be responsible, self-sacrificing, stable adults and be a real blessing in their lives. It has happened many times. The time to warn boys and girls to stop playing at being men and women is before they have taken on far more responsibility than they can handle. After that? Just wish them well and pray for wisdom and responsibility in their future actions.

Turn the tables around and suppose you made a choice that she didn't believe in. How interested would you be in hearing what a mistake you were making. Part of being a grownup is that other grownups in your life are going to make choices you wouldn't or that you don't approve of. But it is their life and you don't necessarily get a vote in it.

be a good person. congratulate her and if you dont have anything else good to say, shut it. respect others and they will respect you. everyone has their own life to live and as long as they arent doing something illegal you have no right to butt in. be kind and respect others and youll hopefully get that in return. everyone has a different path to walk and yours wont be without stones either. everyone has different belief systems or religions or whatever but that shouldnt be used to hurt another person. i dont think thats what anyones religion or belief structure intended. i dont have a religion or belief structure, i just believe in being a good person to the best of my abilities and i should hope thats something core to everyone regardless of if they are christian, jewish, etc or an athiest.

[QUOTE=j0lamo01;4150218] I mean do you think it is ever the girl who is like "oh yeah I want you to c**** in me" you know???? its the guy who wants to do it. But it is the girls fault for letting them.[/QUOTE

Seriously? TMI but whatev - I'm on BC and I've been happily married for 3.5 years and with DH for nearly 10 years. In all honesty, that is one of my favorite parts. Always has been. Of course, I am a stickler for following BC rules and make sure I don't get preggers (knock on wood, but if it happens it happens. hasn't happened yet).

You ought to suck it up buttercup because she is your kin and your blood. You may not agree with the pregnancy, but the child that results does not need your disdain.

[QUOTE=KatTheAmazon;4150258][QUOTE=j0lamo01;4150218 I mean do you think it is ever the girl who is like "oh yeah I want you to c**** in me" you know???? its the guy who wants to do it. But it is the girls fault for letting them.[/QUOTE

Seriously? TMI but whatev - I'm on BC and I've been happily married for 3.5 years and with DH for nearly 10 years. In all honesty, that is one of my favorite parts. Always has been. Of course, I am a stickler for following BC rules and make sure I don't get preggers (knock on wood, but if it happens it happens. hasn't happened yet).

You ought to suck it up buttercup because she is your kin and your blood. You may not agree with the pregnancy, but the child that results does not need your disdain.[/QUOTE]

lol one of my fav parts as well but i didnt want to be the first to say it lmao girls enjoy intercourse too all its parts. seems the guys the only one with lust and desire yet the girls always the s**t and the one to blame. odd lol

Your emotions are very strong regarding your cousin's pregnancy. It almost feels like an emotional trigger based off something more personal. I hope you find some peace with this situation.

so true! Like the saying goes, it takes two to tango!

I agree with this completely.

I can relate in that I lost a very much planned and very much wanted baby recently, so when I hear about people who just "oops" get pregnant, or are bringing a child into a completely inappropriate environment (no insurance, bad living conditions, ect.) it makes me angry on a personal level...but I would never NOT support them. I may be hurting, but I would never take that out on the mother...or the baby.

Whatever you think of your cousin, she's obviously in a scary situation and needs as much love and support as she can get. The baby needs as much love and support as she can get. If you shun your cousin, you're indirectly hurting the baby.

So if you're going to ignore that there's a baby coming, you should probably get out of the situation completely...a baby's pretty hard to ignore.

You sound like a very judgmental person. So far you've said she's an adult and that she's happy about her upcoming baby girl. So- what is your problem exactly? That she hasn't finished university according to YOUR standards, her relationship is not wedded according to YOUR standards. You said yourself you are "quite promiscuous", so I'm not sure where you get off holding someone else to your 'high' standards.

When I was in college, I got pregnant with my boyfriend of 1.5 year. We are now married, have a house, and guess what, I even finished my degree! I did that for MYSELF, not to please some relative with her nose stuck up. I really wish you could see how cruel you sound... this is a baby, it is to congratulated whether it was born to married parents in a castle or on a street corner. It is an innocent life.

Your opinion doesn't matter. Really it doesn't and it's a really disturbing and misogynistic opinion anyway. I urge you to really think about what you've written here.

It's HER life. She can do whatever the heck she wants and it doesn't matter what you think.

She and her boyfriend (yes both of them) are responsible for this child who will be a part of your family. The child doesn't get to choose its circumstances for entering the world and thus the child is not at "fault" for anything its parents did. You don't have to support the parents, but do not punish the child because of that.

The best thing you could say, if you can't say congratulations is: "I hope you and your baby are happy and healthy."

You say you are promiscous yet you do't approve of your cousin's pregnancy even though she is in a committed relationship.
Who do you think you are to judge her when your lifestyle isn't exactly pure , either ?